To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

[dancersdad]

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about?

And getting over an eating disorder is a long process. There's no instant cure. People have to work through it.

With respect to your mother, I don't think that would have helped at all and think it's a pretty disgusting thing to suggest. It's like sending us, sufferers of depression to somewhere horrific to show us how good our lives are in comparison. Wouldn't work one jot.

It shouldn't be welcome to london, us Brits are assholes.

London is one of the main tourist hotspot, london people being assholes could damage the tourist industry.

I hope the appointment went well.

In my opinion The elderly should get priority followed by pregnant women.
I say this as someone with a hidden disability who also has justifiable reasons for using a priority seat. I would never, ever make an elderly or heavily pregnant person stand just so I could sit down.

Until a man has experienced what it's like to be heavily pregnant then he is in no position to sit in judgement of whether a pregnant woman needs a priority seat or not

writer that makes little sense though. Some women (yes I'm looking at you ) breeze through their pregnancies and wouldn't need the seat. Whereas the person with the hidden disability could be in a lot of pain, and/or more vulnerable.

And before someone goes on about the unborn baby's safety, please. It's a wonder we let pregnant women venture out of the front door with all the hysterical comments.

and saying that, some elderly are very capable too. My grandad is 70. He goes to the gym everyday and is built like a brick shithouse. If you tried to give your seat up for him he'd laugh his head off.

OP, I empathise. I have a hidden disability and I get funny looks like this all the time. I'm in my mid 20's and so people automatically assume that because I'm young, I must be fit and healthy. I thank my lucky stars every day that nobody can tell there is something wrong with me, but in situations like this, it can actually be a bit of a nightmare. I now don't use the tube wherever possible because its a nightmare with my condition and I can never guarantee I'll get a seat. On the rare occasion I'm in London I get cabs (costs more but worth it for me as its less stress & peace of mind). Whilst I absolutely agree that pregnant women are in a priority group, I don't think pregnancy should trump everything automatically -Many close friends of mine, even when v heavily pregnant have been able to be more active & perform more physical tasks (and comfortably so) than I can on a normal daily basis. However, for others, pregnancy is an absolute nightmare, and can be hugely debilitating. We can't possibly know what each person is dealing with on the inside. Whilst nobody should have to explain/justify what is wrong with them to a stranger on the train, I can see how a pregnant woman who probably faces issues getting a seat each day could be sceptical about a hidden illness, despite the genuineness of your wifes' situation. In those cases, I think it's best for a third party who is not in true medical need of a seat to offer up theirs, which saves awkwardness for all concerned. Unfortunately, in my experience that happens all too rarely.

Tequila it is possible to think the Pg woman was rude but at the same time think the OP and wife could have dealt with it better by explaining DDwife wasn't well/couldn't stand rather than she 'needed the seat'.

Tequila, do you understand that these seats are marked out for heavily pregnant women.

it matters not one jot whether you think a heavily pregnant woman is having an easy time breezing through.

what matters is, pregnant women have had such a tough time that badges are available and seats with big lables made available to them on the tube.

There is no understanding on this thread that people behave differently in many situations.

You usually have to ask someone in the seat to move. They say, no I am disabled, I cant I am un well, I am pregnant too.

"Until a man has experienced what it's like to be heavily pregnant then he is in no position to sit in judgement of whether a pregnant woman needs a priority seat or not "

You could say that about anything though. No one who hasn't experienced a specific disability or illness is in a position to judge whether a sufferer needs a priority seat or not.
And the OP did not say that the pregnant woman didn't need a seat. He said his wife also had a need and happened to sit in the seat first.

FFS beyond of course I do. I was replying to this The elderly should get priority followed by pregnant women

Just because you have priority, doesn't mean you have to take advantage of it. You weigh it up. Can I stand? Oh yes today I can, let someone who needs the seat more have it?

Is that so hard to understand

I don't believe for one second the pregnant lady felt her situation trumped all overs, and the very op shows she didn't, by not turfing the elderly person out of seat when offered.

she simply didnt know op had a need to sit down and op didn't disabuse of her of this.

Is it so hard to understand that the pregnant lady didn't realise this.

Beyond both she and her husband explained to the pregnant woman that she also had a need of the seat.

The OP and his wife didn't explain to the woman though did they so how was she meant to know that the OPwife wasn't well and not just your bog standard selfish commuter of which there are thousands.

I need this seat:

Because I'm ill
Because my feet hurt and I've been walking all day
Because I want to read and can't do that standing up.
Because I want it.

There are a range of reasons for someone 'needing' a seat. It wouldn't have hurt to make it clear it was the first and not the later more spurious reasons, would it and it might have stopped the whole altercation.

Well if someone says that they have a reason for needing the priority seat surely that's explaining. Or does she have to give an outline of her medical condition so that the pregnant woman can 'decide' whether she deserves the seat or not?

They don't have to explain why they merely have to say that DW needed the seat, which they did - a reasonable person would accept that and not go off on one.

I certainly wouldn't discuss my medical history on the tube. I would just say I was also a priority for seating, if someone was rude enough to persist.

To be honest, even if I wasn't sure if someone was telling the truth I would weigh up 'challenge and accuse someone who is genuinely in need' and 'let this chancer get away with it' and I would choose the latter as being the lesser of two evils.

I would think DH has a fair idea what it like to be pregnant, he supported me through 2 pregnancy.

if someone was rude enough to persist

Rude or desperate and hysterical?

I've said it a couple of times, if someone tried to knock me out of my seat they'd be lucky they were getting any word out of me never mind details of why I needed the seat in the first place.