To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

[dancersdad]

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about?

beyond because it is my own bloody fault. Why is that so difficult to understand?

"Pregnant not ill" (which I see all the time) makes me feel stabby.

CAN WE all just remember that op and his wife can defend themselves but the pregnant lady cannot.

There is your side, my side and the Truth.

We will never know the truth because we have one side.

I will leave you all to your pregnant lady bashing.

Dancersdadswife, I really don't think you have to explain yourself and the way you feel to anyone either here or in rl, you politely explained you had a need for that seat, that should have been enough.

Jesus Christ people, have you got no sensitivity at all?

..and please, please don't believe that it that it is your own fault.

beyond perhaps forums aren't really your forte if you're so hung up on the other people mentioned and their side. We only ever read one side and have to make our judgments based on those. Instead you and others are chosing to fabricate a reality that suits your opinion.

And is pregnant lady bashing any worse than woman bashing? Man bashing?

And why do women suddenly become 'ladies' when they're pregnant

So are you Tequila. We all do.

Oh god slithy I agree!

I wish my pregnancy had been lovely and easy enough for me to be able to say "you're pregnant, not ill" with a straight face

Even if the OP's wife wasn't nice about it (which I conceded that we only have their side) I'd still just then ask someone else for a seat, which by OP's account she didn't do. If my priority was me and the baby I'd have no energy to waste on then ranting etc as it's not worth it.

But I admit maybe I'm just in lala land (which is a nice place to be).

It is my fault hazey, she needed the seat because she was pregnant, I needed the seat because of self inflicted health problems. But thank you.

Hold on a sec...

Lots of gesturing to her badge and ranting about how the badges were there so pregnant women got the seats they deserved etc.

OP WIFE do the elderly and disabled also get badges or is this purely for pregnant women? If the disabled also get one may I ask if you have one?

OP's wife, you do know that pregnancy is also self inflicted?

caveat this is a light hearted comment and I fully understand that there are circs where it isn't and it's not intended to make light of those circs so don't give me a flaming

As an aside, it would be interesting to know that if there were a badge introduced by tfl, whether it would follow the medical need model for disability that the blue badge scheme does, or whether it would just allow people to self define as they currently do.

gotnotime as far as I'm aware TFL only have baby on board badges for pregnant ladies.

Gotnotimeforthat I have no idea, but I wouldn't qualify as disabled anyway.

"Mitchell2* I like that, that made me smile :)

Bump considering they don't even ask for evidence of you actually being pregnant to get a BOB badge, I doubt TFL would have the £ or resource to do anything formal. And the fare probably would go up again if they did and imagine the outrage on that.

Other train operators have a priority card scheme and each one requires the applicant to meet specific criteria in order to gain priority card.

I would assume that if TFL brought in a similar scheme then they would follow the models that are in practise elsewhere.

I wonder if the priority cards issued by other operators can be used across the network?

An eating disorder is mental health fgs, not a reason to need a seat over a vulnerable pregnant woman.

Lydia are you for fucking real? That's possibly the most ignorant and thick post I've ever read.

Anorexia is an illness that affects you both psychologically and physiologically
You do realise how badly not eating properly can affect your body... Y'know... The thing that enables you to STAND. Because of her eating disorder DANCERSWIFE has had further health complications.

And if you'd bother to RTFT, you'd see she had recently had abdominal surgery.

I've come across some stupid and ignorant people on MN but christ, Lydia, you take the biscuit!

lydia all I can say to that is that I'm envious that you've never had anyone close to you in your life who has had a severe eating disorder and had to witness the awful physical side affects. It's a horrible horrible thing and something I would never wish on anyone and really hope one day there is more widely available affective treatment for all who suffer.

On that note I'm out - it's clear that I live in a completely different land than one on here. I shall be going forth and in my last 5 weeks of pregnancy, standing if I feel like it (and not considering myself to be putting the baby in danger), I she'll continue to ask for a seat if I need it, not waiting on others to offer it up and if someone says no they need the seat I shall be placing my faith in the fact that they are telling the truth and ask someone else.

OP's wife, I wish you well and the best in your recovery.

An eating disorder is mental health fgs, not a reason to need a seat over a vulnerable pregnant woman.

Do you always come across as so ignorant and naive, or do you save this endearing part of your personality for special occasions?

I would ignore Lydia she is well known for posting aggressive and vile posts. Almost as if she deliberately enjoys winding people up and saying the most crass thing imaginable.