To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

[dancersdad]

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about?

yes she said it on a tube notorious for people selfishly taking seats, everyone needs a seat don't they?

she was sat on a seat with a big picture of a very pregnant lady on it, talking to a pregnant lady in distress, who was also wearing a badge and all she chose to say was....i need this seat.

how many times has that pregant lady heard that?

Dancers wife i hope you get better soon.

Actually several people have said or implied that she wasn't vulnerable just because she was pregnant. And in the context of my post, how vulnerable DW or anyone else was is irrelevant.

I'm just reminding some posters not to get bogged down in the rudeness of one pregnant person, and remember that they are vulnerable, and should be treated as such by others.

In this specified example, it should have been the rest of the carriage acknowledging this vulnerability and need for a seat.

Brian and Morgause, please read the rest of my posts before asking me questions which I've already answered, and actually have no bearing on me reminding people that pregnant women (notice I made no mention of the one in the OP) are vulnerable.

Me saying that makes no judgment on the people in the OP whatsover.

Ok Slithy. I have looked through the rest of your posts and I see you do agree that the op is vulnerable and had a right to the seat as well. So I apologize for insinuating that you thought otherwise.

Well, as you say, its obviously not that simple is it Broken. So why are you applying such a simple solution to the ops wife.

Broken clearly your sister and I have different problems then. If it was as easy as to just eat because I knew I had to brave the tube then I wouldn't have needed to go to London in the first place. According to your logic women shouldn't become pregnant until they can afford taxis.

If eating disorders are so complex- yes. They are complex. My ten year old understands that.

Beyond I have explained why I didn't give more of an explanation. I assumed that stating I also needed the priority seat would be acceptable, plus I was still a bit taken aback that she had tried to shove me off the seat. After that she didn't give me a chance to get a word in.

:) cheers Brian, quite impressed you took the time to look!

I think the thread has evolved quite a lot, encompassing several issues now.

At a basic level, OP was not wrong, DW was entitled to the seat, and the pregnant woman was rude.

Going a bit deeper into the layers of the matter, OP could probably plan differently to make the journey easier for themselves if they wanted to based off this experience. In no way am I saying they have to.

It is also good for those who don't think it the case, to remember that pregnant women are an equal priority to the disabled and elderly for a reason. No one can say who is in greater need, hence first come first served.

And the real, massive issue here, far more than one persons rudeness, is that of the general public, who saw a distressed pregnant woman, saw a fragile, ill woman, and observed an altercation based around the emotions of needing a seat, and didn't do a thing. And that in my eyes is the true problem.

Hi DDW

Just wanted to say I hope you are ok, and that this thread isn't upsetting you too much. It has moved on a great deal and all of the responses are not necessarily applicable to your situation - you of course did nothing wrong,

When people are suggesting to do things differently the next time (ask for a seat right away, taxi etc) it's only out of concern and kindness, and not specific to your described situation with pregnant rude lady. :)

Telling someone with an eating disorder to just eat is the equivalent of telling someone with depression to just cheer up. Shows a staggering lack of understanding.

slithytove , I said "people" and the question wasn't aimed directly at you but at the world in general, sorry if that wasn't clear.

Also may I add to that list, rememeber your on the tube in London our capital city at rush hour.

its like going to Macdonalds and expecting The Fat Duck then kicking off about the rude waitress.

sorry, keep trying to avoid this thread, then get sucked back in.

Wtf is all this, Welcome to London, suck it up shit. Sorry but it pisses me off when people act as though you are a fecking idiot to expect any courtesy or politeness from anyone in London, I was born in London and lived and worked in London for years, I met just as many arseholes and just as many good people there as in many of the other places I have lived. Just because it is a busy capital city, doesn't mean the people have carte blanche to act like wankers, and doesn't mean that people should just shrug their shoulders and say, 'oh well, but it's London isn't it' when they are abused on the train for sitting in a seat to which they are entitled to sit.

I'm hiding this thread now because it's so fucking upsetting that there are so many idiots not only on mumsnet, but in the general public.

I'm hollowly laughing at the post of telling anorexic people to put weight on.

And I'm bloody glad I don't live in London if the people who live in London seem to think being in their city excuses rudeness. It isn't acceptable anywhere else and shouldn't be there. It wouldn't be if you didn't excuse it.

And broken a lot of obese and overweight people haven't got eating disorders, we're just greedy. It's much easier to give in to something nice than deny yourself something.

Most obese people don't look in the mirror and see someone thin, they don't feel sickened at how completely and utterly SKINNY they are and think 'oh my, I really need to eat more!'

That's not saying there aren't eating disorders that lead to being obese, but they're much rarer.

People would have got over the fact the woman was rude, long long ago, had people not come on and tried to excuse her rudeness.

jeeez is this argument STILL going on????

There is a woman out there, who had a shit day, made even worse and now that poor lady has this vicious nasty and hateful thread going on about her.

she cannot defend herself and does not know and for that reason alone, its disgusting.

Far Far more disgusting, than any accusations levelled at her.

If people had accepted that she was rude, regardless I having a shit day or whatever else people want to embellish with.. This wouldn't be still going. People are just replying to those who still fail to accept she was rude.

Tis funny though, people never seem to bang on about 'you shouldn't say this poor mil isn't here to defend herself' but a pregnant woman seems to get special treatment. Odd.

broken you and I both know your family and friends were completely wrong saying that to you.