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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

992 replies

dancersdad · 09/05/2014 19:34

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about? Confused

OP posts:
Nunyabiz · 09/05/2014 20:17

'Tis true slithy. Have to remind DH daily Wink
(Also pg)

WooWooOwl · 09/05/2014 20:18

FaFoutis, the fact that ops DW is a dance teacher is irrelevant.

I happen to know someone who is a dancer and choreographer that is also a full time wheelchair user.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 09/05/2014 20:18

pumpkin my post was to those questioning OP's wife on here not the pregnant woman.

Regardless the pregnant woman was told that OP's wife needed the seat. She shouldn't expect anymore reasoning than that. And her basically trying to bully her way to a seat is ridiculous.

Pumpkinpositive · 09/05/2014 20:19

I would agree, Gobbolino except for the fact that the pregnant woman was told three times that the other lady was entitled to the seat for health reasons

I don't see anywhere the OP stating that pregnant woman was told OW needed the seat for "health reasons". On my reading, they just kept reiterating she had a "need" for the seat.

Have I missed something?

WooWooOwl · 09/05/2014 20:20

It was obvious that she was fragile from the fact that she told rude woman that she had reason for needing the seat. It became even more obvious when OPs DH repeated that fact.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 09/05/2014 20:20

Of course the pregnant woman should not have pestered your wife for the seat. There is no excuse! Why didn't she ask one of the other commuters for a seat?

RiverTam · 09/05/2014 20:21

FaFoutis, WTAF? What are you implying, that because she's a dancer she can't have serious health problems?

Pumpkinpositive · 09/05/2014 20:21

I know this isn't the done thing but I just looked up your other messages OP. "DW is a dance teacher"

I imagine it would be possible to give dance instruction from a wheelchair so not sure where you're going with this. Hmm

TequilaMockingbirdy · 09/05/2014 20:22

If a woman and her husband told me she needed the seat, I'd respect that and back the hell of. It's incredibly rude of people to think they have a right to delve further and get details of why.

GobbolinoCat · 09/05/2014 20:23

OK,

So lets say Pregnant lady has had a really tough time and faced with the rudest and most selfish people every day on her hideous tube ride....

and today is just another day when some one races to THAT seat and its just another day when she doesn't get it. Just Another day when she says..." I need that seat....please move" and another day when she is told no.

Just another day she is told the person sitting there needs it more.

Just another day she is supposed to say nothing and stand and sway and pray she doesn't faint or keel over?

Because according to some people she is supposed to think the highest of humanity in being truthful and needing the seat more than her..

I think, if her journey was normally fantastic, I think if people usually gave up their seats for her...her coming across....ONE occasion where someone says " I am so sorry, it may not seem it but I do actually really need this seat today..."

She would have backed down....and immediately understood the situation.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 09/05/2014 20:24

I don't think anyone trumps anyone else, if there is a need.

However being pregnant and after working a 12 hour shift and being on my feet all day my need for a seat is immense.

violetlights · 09/05/2014 20:24

I think it'd be useful for people to wear a "invisible disability" badge like the "Baby on Board" badges... I would have specifically asked someone to get up - especially as there are 4 priority seats near to each other. I've ousted people from their seats before when no one got up for pregnant women....

scottishmummy · 09/05/2014 20:25

Their are seats for those requiring them.your wife was in need,as was pg lady
Upon getting answer the pg lady should have located another seat not hectored your wife

Pumpkinpositive · 09/05/2014 20:25

It was obvious that she was fragile from the fact that she told rude woman that she had reason for needing the seat

Really? You don't think people ever lie?

BackOnlyBriefly · 09/05/2014 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GobbolinoCat · 09/05/2014 20:26

Why didn't she ask one of the other commuters for a seat?

I don't understand why people are attacking a pregnant woman here.

Do you not think someone should have jumped up? Do you not think the reason NO ONE DID IS maybe why she is so quick to anger? Because she is faced with this rudeness every day>

And as for the OP he spoke in a loud voice to get a seat, he did not approach anyone and say, I am so sorry to ask but would it be possible to give this pregnant lady a seat and actually secure her a seat.

GeraldineFangedVagine · 09/05/2014 20:27

well today I got on the bus and two old ladies refused to move their bags for me and a guy with a dog wearing a lampshade too. so disabled dog trumped me today. I gave up after that. I'm 39 weeks pregnant and on crutches, so pregnant AND disabled not that anyone in London could give a toss.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 09/05/2014 20:27

Pumpkin I know people lie but since I'm not psychic I'm not going to interrogate someone just in case they are. Which they could easily carry on to lie about anyway.

BillyBanter · 09/05/2014 20:27

It was rude of the pregnant woman to make such a great show of disbelieving your DW. But you don't know who was in more need between the two of them any more than she did. If she was so determined to make a fuss she could have harangued the other passengers most of whom would (also in her view) be in a better position to stand.

Things is she's probably stood there a few times while 16 people, 12 of whom look more able to stand, and 10 of whom it can be reasonably assumed are more able to stand, don't. It's unfortunate that the time she loses her cool it's at someone with invisible disabilities. Sods law.

Pumpkinpositive · 09/05/2014 20:27

think it'd be useful for people to wear a "invisible disability" badge like the "Baby on Board" badges...

What do you suggest? A nice big ol' Star of David so it can't get missed?

scottishmummy · 09/05/2014 20:27

Op wife doesn't owe a pg stranger an explanation why she needed seat
Nor should pg woman have continued to harrumph
However i see if one is tired,pg its frustrating to not get seat

GobbolinoCat · 09/05/2014 20:28

I've ousted people from their seats before when no one got up for pregnant women....

Yes!

CoffeeTea103 · 09/05/2014 20:29

Sorry but just because you say you need a seat, you should be given one? Do you not think people lie? If your wife cannot be guaranteed a seat as her condition renders her to be so ill, then why is she taking the tube in the first place. Sorry I would give my seat up for a pregnant woman, and I would think you are quite intimidating jumping in like that.

scottishmummy · 09/05/2014 20:29

Christ i think a disability badge is so stigmatising,and intrusive.no,not good idea

GobbolinoCat · 09/05/2014 20:29

scottish

how do you know that pregnant lady didn't have other issues? should she also have to list her ailments to the whole carriage?

What if the heavily pregnant lady did fall? What then? what if she did faint?