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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

992 replies

dancersdad · 09/05/2014 19:34

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about? Confused

OP posts:
fifi669 · 09/05/2014 20:02

It sounds like a blag if you don't offer some sort of explanation. You don't have to, but be prepared that some people might think you're not genuine if you don't.

gamerchick · 09/05/2014 20:03

I was curious to how this one would go.. If a pregnant woman had come on with the same story in reverse, she would have got a barrage of pregnancy isn't an illness yada yada yada.

I've been on the tube once in my life and felt like I was taking my life in my hands. Never again will I slate our metro system... The fault was the ignorant fucks who watched them battle it out.

WooWooOwl · 09/05/2014 20:04

Pregnant woman was incredibly rude, I can't believe people are posting on her defending her and saying that OPs DW was U!

Pregnancy can b uncomfortable, but so can many other things. The OPs DW had a genuine need for the seat, she got there first, and there is absolutely no reason to think that she was any less in need than rude pregnant woman.

Unfortunately some people think that the world revolves around them when they are pregnant.

holidaysarenice · 09/05/2014 20:04

She choose to get pregnant knowing that she would have to use the tube.
Thousands of pregnant woman do it daily without being a twat.

iK8 · 09/05/2014 20:05

There are at least 3 if not 4 pairs of priority seats on each tube carriage. If you need a priority seat don't wait for one, speak up and ask for it!

Yes it was rude of the pregnant woman to keep on if your wife had clearly stated she had a valid priority too under the other criteria and that if she could stand she would, but really, you need to get a bit of gumption and ask for a priority seat and if the nearest are full of people with priorities ask the next pair if they could move.

As for this condition trumps pregnancy, but being elderly does not blah blah blah, well that's just silly. Who knows what hidden conditions the pregnant woman had? Spd, joints that dislocate or sickness due to the excessive hormones or a tendency to faint to name just a few things.

RiverTam · 09/05/2014 20:06

the real point here is that it is very unlikely that everyone else in the carriage had the same need of a seat as Dancer's DW, Pregnant Lady and Elderly Lady - and so they were the arses in this situation. I think the other problem is that this argy-bargy happened over a priority seat, rather than just any seat, where Pregnant Lady wouldn't have been able to say what she did.

I don't think that Dancer's DW should have to spell out her medical conditions to all and sundry (I happen to know what they are as I've read Dancer's posts elsewhere). To be honest if the train was that packed it's unlikely anyone would have fallen over as there's nowhere to fall.

I suppose the only thing is to start saying 'I do have a disability so that I do need a seat', but they'll always be someone who'll argue the pitch and toss with you about it, I guess.

GobbolinoCat · 09/05/2014 20:07

Yes Katie but how many times has that priority seat been taken by someone who does not fit the criteria and who does not move....

Now someone sits in the seat...and happens to be disabled...but preggers lady does not know this....

we know how selfish people are on tubes and buses, there was a media thing about people not giving up their seats...we know how selfish people are from the description on the journey.

I think the OP is coming at the whole issue from the wrong angle, the pregnant lady did have a case for the seat...after all ....If this was me, I would have felt sorry for the pregnant lady and tried to assist her also in finding a seat.

We do not know how pregnant lady felt...

I think the humane thing to have done was try to get both ladies a seat.

RunnerHasbeen · 09/05/2014 20:07

There were three people who needed two priority seats and a coach load of rude idiots on their phones taking up all the other seats. I know who I think was being unreasonable and it wasn't the pregnant lady. You and your wife were the most reasonable though.

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 09/05/2014 20:07

Totally depends on the health issue

Some people stub a toe and declare it a health need which deserves priority.

Gryffindor · 09/05/2014 20:07

Yes. Eg at Liverpool st heading eastbound on the Cemtral line you would be very lucky to get a seat from 4-8pm. And if there happened to be an empty seat as the train pulled in, someone able bodied would be shoved out of the way getting on by someone determined to get it.

GobbolinoCat · 09/05/2014 20:08

woowoo

are you a regular on London underground?

KatieKaye · 09/05/2014 20:08

The pregnant woman wouldn't accept that anyone had as great/greater need than her own. She was told three times that OP's DW was entitled to use the seat and each time refused to accept it.
She was being unreasonable.
The other passengers who did not offer her a sat were unreasonable too.
OP tried to appeal for someone to give the pregnant woman a seat - he was reasonable.

GobbolinoCat · 09/05/2014 20:10

The pregnant woman wouldn't accept that anyone had as great/greater need than her own

I say again, do you think this is the first time she has been refused a seat?

GobbolinoCat · 09/05/2014 20:11

I also ask again, do you know what other issues she may have had to do with her pregnancy?

Should she also have to list her ailments...

Cut her slack, blame the other selfish bastards.

Charley50 · 09/05/2014 20:11

I always stand up for pregnant ladies and very old people on the tube. So do lots of other people. Sometimes it's hard to tell though if someone is overweight or pregnant; I've made that mistake before :-/

Gryffindor · 09/05/2014 20:12

*someone who needed the seat would be shoved out of the way by someone able bodied...

Treaclepot · 09/05/2014 20:12

I was pregnant and on a tram when it had to pull an emergency stop. The entire carriage fell over hard. I always asked for a seat after that scared the shit out of me.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 09/05/2014 20:12

OP's wife has recently been in hospital and is obviously fragile at the moment. Why on earth should she have to say more than 'I too need this seat'.

FaFoutis · 09/05/2014 20:13

I know this isn't the done thing but I just looked up your other messages OP. "DW is a dance teacher"
Therefore YABU.

WooWooOwl · 09/05/2014 20:14

Gobbolino

No, at this point in my life I am not a regular on the underground, but I have been and I still use it fairly frequently.

Why?

KatieKaye · 09/05/2014 20:15

I would agree, Gobbolino except for the fact that the pregnant woman was told three times that the other lady was entitled to the seat for health reasons. But she refused to accept that this was a valid reason not to vacate the seat for her use. Which was very unreasonable of her. It wasn't unreasonable of her to want a seat or to ask once for the seat.

the OP did try to help by asking for a seat for her, but nobody volunteered. I can't see that he could have done anything else.

What do non-visible disabled people have to do to "prove" they are entitled to a seat without being continually challenged in what the OP and his DW seemed to take as a rather aggressive way?

Pumpkinpositive · 09/05/2014 20:15

OP's wife has recently been in hospital and is obviously fragile at the moment.

Except it wasn't "obvious" that she was fragile, was it? Therein lies the difficulty with hidden disabilities.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 09/05/2014 20:17

fafoufis what the hell?

If you had bothered to read more you'd realise the OP's wife is suffering from long term health conditions. Has recently been in hospital and I expect she's feeling very weak.

Having a disability isn't the only health related reason a person would need a seat.

slithytove · 09/05/2014 20:17

Pregnant women trump everybody for everything

being pregnant may have coloured my judgement slightly

slithytove · 09/05/2014 20:17

that, or I thought it was a farting thread. Aaah, the joys of pregnancy