to think a lot of parents seem to let their kids have rather too much say in things

[SEmyarse]

Is it just the people that i'm surrounded by? Or am I out of step and these examples are normal and acceptable? Of course, people can do what they like with their own kids, but this all seems crazy to me.

1. A lady I occasionally work with at a care agency was moaning about how many shifts she's doing at the moment. I was sympathising that money was tight, and then she revealed that although they're struggling to pay the bills, she is prioritising buying her daughter the princess cabin bed she'd demanded. The daughter is 3. She says she's exhausted with all the demands but since she's asked for it, then she must find a way to get it. She just wishes her daughter wasn't so demanding!

2. A lad in dd1's year started at a secondary school right out of area in September requiring 3 bus journeys to get there. She said he'd chosen it. I said she was fantastic facilitating this, but it wasn't for me and dd1 would be going locally. I've bumped into her again now, and she was bemoaning the fact that they're struggling to sell the house because her son has said he's fed up with the buses and wants to live locally to the school. She doesn't want to move.

3. We lift share with dd2's friend for brownies. She hadn't been at school for 2 days so I assumed she would be too ill to go and prepared to take dd2 myself. But then they appeared. I said I thought she was ill, and her mum said she'd complained of a pain in her nose and didn't want to go to school. She also asked to see a doctor, and although her mum didn't think it necessary she took her. She then decided that she WAS well enough for brownies, which seems mad to me if she was deemed too ill for school.

Is it just me that wouldn't put up with this stuff? I've got some time for the negotiation school of parenting, but in all these cases I would be telling the child what's what.

Depends on the age and depends on the choice. I would discuss holiday destinations with my 10 yo, as her being happy and not moaning is key to all of us having a nice time. I would discuss whether to stick something in the oven or should we get a chinese/go out for food.

School - well we made the decision to move her for the last 2 years of Primary due to the complicated Secondary admisssions process in Brussels. We have included her in discussions, taken her on school visits etc, bigged up the long run advantages. But she doesn't get to choose and say she would rather stay where she is, as she is not old enough to understand the long term implications. Basically, she needs to go to our nearest (french speaking) school to give enough points to get a first or second choice of secondary.

My kids do make some decisions but its usually limited - so 'tuna or egg in your sandwiches' or ' choose which healthy snack you want to buy' or 'would you prefer a cycle or walk at the weekend' or 'what colour top would you prefer to buy'

my kids don't have iPhones or lots of gadgets. They are very grateful for small things. I wouldn't let my kids dictate what we eat as otherwise our diet would be limited to lasagne and humus.

I could live on lasagne and hummus...

I have had a lasagne revelation. Lastnight I made a mexican lasagne it was lush.

Chilli (ons of hidden veg in it), soft tortilla, creme fraiche and cheese, tortilla, chilli and so on until you have a nice stack of layered tortillas in acasserole dish then back it is yum, kids ate it all up too.

then baked.

Am touchy about a school system that discriminates against the students that need it the most, I don't think that you can be too touchy.

Our secondary modern is great because it is practically a comp, local parents in our area have recognised the grammar for what it is and use our local school. Our elder children are all academic and the grammar was not the place for them.

every generation is different (so my Mum tells me) but I still think I have the same values I was brought up with. My parents had the final word, they always listened when it was appropriate, but the family decisions were made by them not me or my siblings. There seems to be a new generation of parents who treat their children like their best friend and let them have and do what they want for fear of losing them.

Reading the title of this thread reminded me of the laugh I had when dsc's mum told me I couldn't go shopping one day because one of them didn't want to go. She said if one of them didn't want to do something she didn't get to do it. I told her that's her problem for allowing an 8 year old to dictate to her and that wouldn't be happening. That was a few years ago and she's not mentioned it since.

We're seeing the fallout from it now actually and I think she's starting to realise the consequences of allowing him to behave the way he does. She can't get anyone to look after him anymore as they can't cope with him, he doesn't have many friends, she has had to miss work before as he refused to leave the house for a contact day because we weren't going bowling. She's not finding it funny any more. The next thing I think will crop up is she's never made him wear school shoes, he always wears brightly coloured sports shoes. He's insistent that when he starts secondary he will continue to wear them. I'm interested to see how that goes.

What's sad about this though is that his sister has to miss out on a lot as she is only like this with him. They both had to give up swimming lessons because he didn't want to do it any more. And we can never treat them really cus they have always done and had everything already.