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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset my friend didn't acknowledge my save the date card?

191 replies

clapofthunder · 06/05/2014 20:20

So I hand delivered a few of my save the date cards (as it was only a walk around the small town I live in).

I knocked on my friends door and no-one answered so I posted it instead. 2 weeks later I still haven't heard anything.

We went for a drink with a group of mutual friends so I asked her then if she got it and the only reply I got back yeah - "oh yeah I did thanks"

Aibu to think she could have acknowledged it?

OP posts:
Linskibinski · 07/05/2014 00:42

Sad emoticon fail!

Bogeyface · 07/05/2014 00:43

Oddly enough though, thanks to us both having to make the best of family occasions, we actually get on ok now. We dont keep in touch, but we both have a wry "Well we are here now, shall we have a drink and get through it?" attitude!

EvenBetter · 07/05/2014 00:47

YANBU to be upset, or even to give it a second thought.
Take it from me, while I wasn't an actual bridezilla I did subject people to Facebook '63 days to go till I become Mrs EvenBetter!!!' And 'got my dress today!!!!' Type shite, it's only when you've been a wedding guest a few times that you realise no one else gives a shit.
Sigh, what time do we have to be there at? Will we be fed enough? What time can we go home? Those are the sole concerns of wedding guests.

Best friends have to politely ask about colour schemes and other nonsense, but they don't mean it and really don't want to hear it.
She said she got it. So that's nice....

ColdTeaAgain · 07/05/2014 00:54

The OP has said she didn't expect an RSVP.

Reading between the lines, I suspect the OP made an effort with the cards and is disappointed about a close friends lack of interest. What's wrong with a "oh thanks for the pretty save the date card you posted the other day"? For no reason other than to be polite and kind to a friend who is excited about having set the date for their wedding.

Fideline987654321 · 07/05/2014 01:00

Maybe she forgot? It's just a piece of card with a date on it. Other things probably happened that week. It is conceivable some of them might have been even more interesting than the piece of card.

I'm struggling to see where the problem is.

Bogeyface · 07/05/2014 01:01

I am a bit sad at the "its only a fucking wedding" comments.

Yes, its true that to many people (me included at times) weddings can be a chore, and an expensive one at that. But come on, the OP is excited, those of us who have been married have been there and we know that it is the biggest and most spectacular party we will ever throw (if you do have a big wedding). And we also share the blushing at remembering how OTT we were about dresses, colour schemes, flowers etc.

I dont think that the STD needed a response in this instance tbh, but its not "just a fucking wedding", it is HER wedding. The day that she pledges herself and her life to the man she loves and he pledges the same to her. I have been to weddings that have been so much hard work I have considered chucking a sickie to avoid them (my sisters being the main example, she was the bridezillas bridezilla!) and yet when her and her DH took their vows, it was moving, it was loving and it felt nice to witness it. Seeing them so happy afterwards was heartwarming.

Even in these cynical times, weddings still means something, dont they?

Fideline987654321 · 07/05/2014 01:07

Even in these cynical times, weddings still means something, dont they?

I would hope so.

STD cards and hen parties and agonised confetti-colour decisions; not so much.

Bogeyface · 07/05/2014 01:15

I know what you mean Fide but the attitude of "So?!" is horrible, it seems to sneer at marriage as much as weddings.

And OK so no one needs matching rose petal confetti, but when in the eye of the wedding storm you cant see reality! Especially when the wedding industry is telling you that you need these things and that guests will be honoured to be invited etc. Its like having your first baby and staying awake three night agonising over which baby wipe warmer to buy only to realise 3 days in that you didnt one at all!

Just because sometimes a bride needs talking down from her worst excesses doesnt mean that her wedding should be treated as, at best, something that no one gives a shit about. Even if that is true, surely there are kind ways to say it!

Bogeyface · 07/05/2014 01:15

Lets not forget that marriage starts with a wedding, and yes I will grant you that some brides need to remember that too (talking about my sister again Wink)

Fideline987654321 · 07/05/2014 01:19

Ah well. Hopefully OP has had a large Wine and calmed down a bit.

I managed to avoid all this nonsense for my own wedding so perhaps I just don't understand the joy of losing perspective Wink

Bogeyface · 07/05/2014 01:24

I didnt really, I did the big wedding thing but I was chilled about the whole thing, I didnt need to be a bridezilla as my MOH did it for me! The moment when she came to me in tears, half an hour before the ceremony with 4 flowergirl dresses with a black streak down each from where she chose to hang them up was memorable! I said it was fine, just do up their cardis and no one would know, cos what were we going to do at that point?

Turns out what she was going to do was take a bag of wet wipes and go critical :o

Fideline987654321 · 07/05/2014 01:29

Grin Bless her. Had she hung them up a chimney? Confused

ColdTeaAgain · 07/05/2014 01:30

Mumsnet loves to hate weddings.

Yes OP is probably reading too much into it, the friend probably had a busy week and forgot. But I think it sounds as though the OP is really more upset that the friend didn't show any interest at all when she asked her if she got the card. I don't think that justifies some of the bitchy responses she got.

Bogeyface · 07/05/2014 01:31

You know you get automatically closing hotel doors? They have those big hinges at the top of the door and she hung them on that. She said later that she thought as she was doing it that it was probably a bad idea, and then did it anyway. True enough someone opened the door and the dresses got trapped and covered in black crap!

She kept saying to anyone with ears "BF was soo cool about it, I couldnt believe it! I would have gone mental!" which is why I am very glad she is never getting married because I would have to turn down being her MOH :o

Fideline987654321 · 07/05/2014 01:34

She said later that she thought as she was doing it that it was probably a bad idea, and then did it anyway

Ha! That was worth it for the anecdote surely?

Bogeyface · 07/05/2014 01:36

It was for her! I rang her a bit later (telling you that has reminded me) and said "You know the BM dresses, when you said you knew it was stupid and did it anyway? Well I just put my very very expensive wedding gift bed linen in the wash with a bright pink sheet on the basis that I have washed it so often it would probably be fine. I thought that I probably shouldnt risk it, but I did" she pissed herself laughing, and so she should :o

Bogeyface · 07/05/2014 01:37

And yes, the sheets came out pink....

Ericaequites · 07/05/2014 02:24

Your wedding is not the centre of everyone else's universe. Your friend should be happy for you, but an STD is not that exciting.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 07/05/2014 06:02

It wouldn't have been hard for the friend to just say "thanks for the card" I don't think. I don't like bridezilla behaviour any more than anyone else, but I also don't like this dismissive attitude of no one else gives a stuff about your wedding. It is one of the most important days in the life of the bride and groom and deserves a bit of interest and acknowledgement, that's what friends do for one another.

sarahquilt · 07/05/2014 06:57

YANBU. She could have sent a nice text.

Atbeckandcall · 07/05/2014 07:47

Just so you don't think IBU. I sent out STD cards before the proper invite.

I didn't expect anyone to acknowledge receipt of it or to mention it when seeing them. I probably already knew that I'd be jumping up and down asking if they had received it.

It is your wedding day and no-one will care about it as much as you. It's highly likely that she forgot that she received as it may not have been necessary for her to even have as she already had the date in her diary.

I think from now on you need to realise that actually to most other people, until it's nearer the time, they aren't going to be that wrapped up in it. So I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 07/05/2014 08:25

I'm sure you realise you're BU by now but I can kind-of understand feeling miffed. I wouldn't respond/text regarding a StD but if it were a very best friend, I'd text and say "got your StD, so excited for you!". So maybe she's not a very best friend?

DIYtrainee · 07/05/2014 09:48

Oh you lot are being mean, the op is being a bit UR, but I might feel slightly miffed if a good friend of mine, while we were both out together didn't say something like 'hey, you've chosen a date, cool!'.

They're your friend, a wedding is a pretty big deal, it would be nice if they said something.

So I guess YABU to have expected her to contact you specifically about it, but YANBU to have expected to have at least mentioned it when she saw you.

Bearbehind · 07/05/2014 09:58

Even in these cynical times, weddings still means something, dont they?

Of course weddings still mean something, but to the guests that something is celebrating the actual day with the couple, not getting your knickers in a twist over something as ridiculous as this or any other pre-wedding nonsense.

Bogeyface · 07/05/2014 10:01

Oh I agree Bear, but I am talking about the MN attitude of "So your getting married, big deal, no one gives a fuck!" Its nasty, there really is no need for it because actually it IS a big deal!