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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset my friend didn't acknowledge my save the date card?

191 replies

clapofthunder · 06/05/2014 20:20

So I hand delivered a few of my save the date cards (as it was only a walk around the small town I live in).

I knocked on my friends door and no-one answered so I posted it instead. 2 weeks later I still haven't heard anything.

We went for a drink with a group of mutual friends so I asked her then if she got it and the only reply I got back yeah - "oh yeah I did thanks"

Aibu to think she could have acknowledged it?

OP posts:
BillyBanter · 06/05/2014 20:40
  1. I have not saved the date because something better might come along between now and the official invitation!
ApocalypseNowt · 06/05/2014 20:41

BillyBanter That is what no 3 is..... Grin

BillyBanter · 06/05/2014 20:42

Over two years. closer to 2.5 years in fact!

Who knows. She's lovely. Luckily even if she does turn into a bridezilla I am unlikely to be affected.

Passmethecrisps · 06/05/2014 20:43

I thought they were just to give you the heads up that you were on the invite list so to start considering fascinators.

The only way I would acknowledge it would be in a sort of "oo! Got your STD card - how exciting. How's the planning?" Kind of a way but that would be passing chat not something for definite discussion.

Weddings are lovely and happy times. I love going to weddings but I am also happy not to be planning one so try not to make your guests to be feel like they have to run an etiquette gauntlet or they will be sick of it well before the big day

Itsfab · 06/05/2014 20:44

I can understand you would have liked some kind of acknowledgement but you need to realise that your wedding is only the top priority to your, your fiancé and probably the parents and if you are upset about this you are probably going to need to buy some tissues before you are married.

BillyBanter · 06/05/2014 20:45

oh yeah, subsequent, not prior. Grin

And that is the thing with save the date. It feels like you are being forced to make sure you allow nothing in your life to become more important because you had fair warning. I'm sure it's not meant that way most of the time

I had a friend (friend of a friend really, I didn't like her) who used to tell us to make sure we kept [date 2 months from now] free for her birthday. Maybe because she knew people would find an excuse not to come otherwise.

cantbelievethisishppening · 06/05/2014 20:45

I learnt when planning my wedding that generally, outside the immediate family, people are not that interested until the day itself. Not in a rude way but...... It's a STD card. Not sure what you were expecting in a response to be honest. This is especially the case of your wedding is quite far into the future. People can become so wrapped around the excitement of wedding planning that I guess the expectation is that others will as well.

Bearbehind · 06/05/2014 20:45

Presumably your friend knew you were getting married so the STD card only informed her of the date, likely to be ages away?

What reaction did you want?

Your wedding might be the most important thing in your life right now but you have to appreciate, most people aren't going to be bothered about it until about a week before when they need to get a pressure and something to wear.

CocktailQueen · 06/05/2014 20:45

A save the date magnet??

meditrina · 06/05/2014 20:47

No response is required for a Save the Date card.

(actually, no STD required really. You'd only send them to the really key people, and so you can just include the info in the next communication you'd be having with them anyhow. Special stationery for this is a totally unnecessary expense).

Bearbehind · 06/05/2014 20:47

Pressie not pressure!

MrsMaturin · 06/05/2014 20:47

This is why everybody should revolt and go back to the way things used to be.

Nobody was living together so was desperate for sex in comfort not in nooks and corners. Thus engagement was code for 'I would like to shag you soon' and weddings followed a very few months or even weeks later. You'd be able to ring up your venue and say 'any dates for July' without them replying 'July 2017?' and there would be none of this order your dress a year in advance. Bliss.......

SignoraStronza · 06/05/2014 20:48

I think I just told people when our wedding was - and emailed the ones who live overseas. We have received a few though, two of them from American friends and one from my brother and sil. Don't remember replying/acknowledging though. Speaking of STD cards, anyone noticed op's username?

MyLatest · 06/05/2014 20:49

YANBU to send a STD card if your wedding is a bit in advance / in the middle of a holiday season but YABU to expect a reply. They are not the same as an invitation.

Catsize · 06/05/2014 20:50

OP, did you include a gift list with your STD?

A request for cash?

A poem?...

YAbRidiculouslyPrecious I am afraid

eddielizzard · 06/05/2014 20:51

i would not reply to a std card.

i actually disagree with them on principle.

TheSlagOfSnacks · 06/05/2014 20:51

I never reply to save the date cards. I didn't think you were supposed to?

I think you're being a tad precious.

EllaFitzgerald · 06/05/2014 20:52

The trouble is, weddings are only really exciting to the people who are very closely involved in arranging them. And even then, they can get a bit much. To most people, it's just a date way off in the future.

There are going to be so many things to get stressed and upset about before your day, if you let yourself. Perhaps your expectations might be a little too high?

Hulababy · 06/05/2014 20:52

I don;t think I have ever replied to a Save The Date card. They never have RSVP iirr. I didn't know I was supposed to.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 06/05/2014 20:54

Yabu! And actually quite precious. This is just the start, so don't turn into bridezilla already.

We sent 'save the dates' as most of my friends are nurses and had to request that day off way in advance, way before the invitations went out.

Famzilla · 06/05/2014 21:03

YABU but I'm sure you got that by now. Make sure you actually invite her and don't just expect her to help decorate your venue.

ilovesooty · 06/05/2014 21:03

How bloody twee. I didn't know people took these seriously.

Pipbin · 06/05/2014 21:04

Where did OP go?

No need for a response really I think. STD cards are a very new thing, but one I kind of like to be honest. It's good to know well in advance that you need to keep that date free. But, it's rather like someone saying 'we are thinking about having a BBQ on the August bank holiday weekend, are you up for it'? No-one is saying that they are certainly coming, but that they quite like the idea.

But what I don't understand is why people don't just send invitations.

NearTheWindymill · 06/05/2014 21:05

Well, unless it's a siblings wedding, I think the concept is a teeny bit rude and says "save the date of my mega, hyper important wedding in your diary, 18 months in advance because it is a zillion times more important than any other event you might be invited to. If you get invited to spend a long weekend in the Maldives, turn it down; if one of your children is selected to play Matilda on the West End Stage any my wedding day is the same day as the first night, don't allow your child to do it; or more apposite for us and DH has said this: "if Chelsea are in the cup final, they can forget it".

steff13 · 06/05/2014 21:06

I've gotten a few "Save the Date" magnets over the years. If you're going to do that, a magnet is pretty clever. Most people get a magnet, and automatically goes on the fridge. They aren't going to forget your date if they are faced with it every time they get a glass of OJ.

I've never responded to a Save the Date, and I don't think it's necessary.

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