To think my old schoolfriend should not have brought her family to reunion

[Summerbreezing]

A group of us who hung around together at school have kept in intermittent touch over the years. However, due to distance, family commitments and work we haven't managed to meet up as a full group in years. Recently, however, circumstances meant we were all going to be in our home town on the same weekend and arranged to meet up for an early dinner on the Sat. before one of the group had to catch a train home.

Five of us arrived and were seated with glasses of wine wondering where no 6 was. Next thing in she arrived with a buggy, two other kids and her DH. She was all smiles and 'hope you don't mind, but we were at the art gallery and it was much handier for us all to come. Kids haven't eaten blah blah'. So instead of a nice couple of hours reminiscing and having a good laugh, we spent the time having to try and include her DH, put up with constant interruptions from her DC aged 10 ,8 and 2 and watch our Ps & Qs.

AIBU to think her DH could have taken the kids to McDs or somewhere (there was actually a family friendly pizza place right beside the restaurant we were in) rather than her entire family gatecrashing what was supposed to be a girls only reunion?

Idealist if you don't want you 'precious family time to be interrupted by a bunch of people from school' then just decline the invite in the first place. Don't agree to come along and then totally change the tone of the event by dumping your husband and kids into the mix without agreeing this with people beforehand.

sharon i love my family but i wouldnt rock up with them to an arranged meal with friends if i was so precious about family time then i just wouldn't go, going out without your family doesnt mean we hate them and i think parents who are so obsessed with their children really unhealthy children do not define us as people,

Exactly, my family time is precious but I also haven't lost my identity by being married and having children.

If it was me, my DH would have said 'I'll have DS, you go off and have a nice time'.

YANBU OP. We stopped inviting someone out because she always, always brought her boyfriend along. Those two lived out of each others pockets, she used to dump everyone once she had a boyfriend and then when she did deign to meet up with us she would drag him along- to our meals, cinema trips even our friends birthday spa day! Since she's so 'me me me' no one bothers with her any more, she seems to think people should chase her and gets annoyed that no one bothers.

I'd give her one more chance OP, specifically state it's just you guys, no partners and if she still brings them then don't invite her out.

In her case it seems she has form for it and in regards to precious family time, she'd been with them all before and could have spent an hour or so away. Sounds like she wants to eat her cake and have it, while not caring that she's putting others out.

One of my colleagues is famed for bringing her child to all social events even in the bloody evening. Really spoils the dynamics and I find it very attention seeking to be honest

I don't see why liking your family means you have to sneer at anyone who goes to the odd social gathering without them.

Couldn't dh take children off somewhere for an hour or two. Very strange behaviour. If she misunderstood when she arrived and saw no other dh and children they should have returned to museum, park other tea house. Next time just the 5 of you. Very, very strange!

iwin she brought him to a spa day - seriously?!!???

My friend that does bring her DH to everything, they just sit there in silence! I wonder why they turn up to be honest.

If you're organising another event, then you need to be very clear with her that her DH and children are not invited. There is no need to pussy foot around people like this, they need to be told bluntly or they just keep getting away with their rudeness. "We're having another dinner on x night. It's girls only, we weren't pleased last time when your family attended. We'd love to see you if you can have the night away from them."

"precious family time" spent on mumsnet

I have a friend who has spent twenty years where she has never done anything just with her dh, kids have gone everywhere with them
Her eldest is now in uni youngest dd about to leave home and working a part time job and she complains constantly how much she misses them and how lost she feels.
It seems so unhealthy for all concerned.

Yes I think you're right there Midnite

WipsGlitter Yep and it was horrible. One of my friends had gained a lot of weight and was just starting to relax with a glass of sparkling and thought of massages when said twatty friend turned up with her DP. My poor friend grabbed her robe on tight and went off for a cry (we all went to see her after making it clear we weren't impressed). What had been a lovely morning turned into an uncomfortable day for everyone.

I felt sorry for the DP at first since it was the first time he'd been put in that position, he thought all the partners were coming. The sympathy stopped when he kept on intruding. Apparently she does the same with his friends, so they are made for each other and never get invites out unless it's an 'everyone' thing.

Yet they often make passive aggressive digs hen they find out there have been nights without them, usually through fb or mutual couple we know who are so veyr close to giving up on them too. Couple of users imho which is a shame because she was a great friend when she was single but when she's coupled she's a self-absorbed mare.

I agree hobnob. I always feel sorry for people who drop all their friends, interests and social life when their children come along and just immerse themselves 100% in the kids. They really don't realise how time flies and before they know it those children will be doing their own thing and won't want or need their parents tagging along. Completely parking any life or outlets of your own just makes the whole empty nest thing much much harder. Some people must find themselves just sitting around, looking at empty rooms and wondering how to fill the day.

Likewise, when my father died I was so glad that my mother had always had her own friends and activities as well as stuff they did together. It meant that she didn't suddenly feel like a spare tool at gatherings, or feel she couldn't go places because dad wasn't with her. I'm not saying it made his loss any easier, but it did allow her to go out more and distract herself.

or perhaps it is HER being the contorlling one?

not letting her DH take their kids somewhere else.

Whatever you think about spending time with or without your family, bringing along someone who is not invited, without checking first, is rude and self centred. On that grounds alone, I wouldnt invite her again.

'Precious family time'

Oh dear lord.

As I say to DH 'how can I miss you if you won't go away'

Precious family time is not being joined at the hip.
That is just being fucking dull.

When I was pregnant with DS my mum said to me, you'll just be DS's mum, that's how people will see you so it's really important to keep your own identity too.

And it's true.

I don't think YBU but I think we are guilty of not being honest and saying " yes we do mind, it was meant to be us 6, sorry you misunderstood"

One of these days we will be honest, and people will "learn" what is and isn't appropriate.

I also find it hard to understand why someone wouldn't like an all woman gathering as mentioned above. Do we really always need men to be around to have a good time?

I love my family.

I love them even more after a day or weekaway from them.

strikeout fail :(

I wouldn't have minded tbh. If you didn't know the husband surely this was a good opportunity to get to know him?