To think my old schoolfriend should not have brought her family to reunion

[Summerbreezing]

A group of us who hung around together at school have kept in intermittent touch over the years. However, due to distance, family commitments and work we haven't managed to meet up as a full group in years. Recently, however, circumstances meant we were all going to be in our home town on the same weekend and arranged to meet up for an early dinner on the Sat. before one of the group had to catch a train home.

Five of us arrived and were seated with glasses of wine wondering where no 6 was. Next thing in she arrived with a buggy, two other kids and her DH. She was all smiles and 'hope you don't mind, but we were at the art gallery and it was much handier for us all to come. Kids haven't eaten blah blah'. So instead of a nice couple of hours reminiscing and having a good laugh, we spent the time having to try and include her DH, put up with constant interruptions from her DC aged 10 ,8 and 2 and watch our Ps & Qs.

AIBU to think her DH could have taken the kids to McDs or somewhere (there was actually a family friendly pizza place right beside the restaurant we were in) rather than her entire family gatecrashing what was supposed to be a girls only reunion?

[Peekingduck]

Oh, come on... organise another and in the email say "This is for the girls only. It was lovely to meet your children and DH for the first time Oblivious, but this time we plan to let our hair down a bit".

[ilovesooty]

When she got to "I hope you don't mind" surely the most helpful response would have been "Well actually, we do."

She was incredibly rude but why did none of you say anything?

[TequilaMockingbirdy]

I would have loved to have said that sooty but I don't think I would have.

[TequilaMockingbirdy]

if this were my situation

[CoffeeTea103]

Yanbu, she was very rude. I can see how she spoilt the whole get together. Some people really think the world should revolve around them. Did her own DH not even think for himself not wanting to be around a group of women have a get together seeing as she can't use her own brains. Ffs I would have been very annoyed and let her know it.

[ilovesooty]

Yes I admit it sounds easier in theory than in practice.

I'd certainly have made my displeasure very clear though - I think I'd have said I hadn't expected a family gathering, and left if no one had said anything. I'd want to establish future expectations as well before I accepted another invitation.

[AlpacaYourThings]

YANBU.

She was rude.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yanbu very selfish of her, backed you all in a corner that you could not say no. Could her dh not take tge kids off to Pizza Hut or something?

[ilovesooty]

I'm gobsmacked at slarty's comment. Wtf would there be any question of her husband not being able to cope with the children on his own?

[lurkerspeaks]

I have a friend who used to do this but as time has passed she now comes along to stuff on her own.

I think some of it was down other husbands insecurity about who she was meeting/ what she was doing. He now realises that the chat can be a it dull and we aren't likely to lead her (very far) astray.

It used to drive me bonkers as the conversation could never be totally open.

[ilovesooty]

Oh great. She can now come on her own now her controlling husband has vetted the proceedings? How depressing.

[tiredbutstillsmiling]

My BF is like this - she even works with her husband! (Both teachers is same school).

6 years ago I had 2 hen do's - a weekend away but another meal for people who couldn't afford the weekend. She asked if her DH could attend the meal - they rarely do things apart. I felt I couldn't say no so agreed. He was the only man in amongst 10 women. He didn't seem bothered!

Tbh I've gotten so used to seeing them as a pair I always assume a meet up with her is a meet up with her DH too!

[Marcelinewhyareyousomean]

yanbu.

I have a couple of friends like this. There aren't control issues, they just don't socialise in single gender groups. I like an occasional meal or drinks night that us just women. We make it clear what the plan is and one friend always still rocked up with her sheepish dh in tow. We now explicitly say its just us this time and if you can't make it without x, we'll see you next time.

No way would I be happy arranging babysitting and someone else bringing their kids.

[DurhamDurham]

How depressing to have to do everything together as a couple, I love my husband dearly but I would hate to have him there ALL THE TIME. I love nights out with friends. It must be a very insular, insecure existence to live like that.

[BillyBanter]

There was a thread on here recently and it seems some couples are just happy that way so I wouldn't worry about feeling sorry for them.

Not my thing either, but there you go. It takes all sorts etc.

[thebodylovesspring]

Sounds like her dh may be controlling. I have a work colleague whose dh was very angry that she had arranged to meet up for lunch with us and have a few drinks during school hols( no kids invited).

He said she had no business going drinking in the day and leaving the kids with her mother!!! Knob head.

Or she's the type who thinks her kids are so fascinating everyone wants to meet them.

Either way it's ridiculous and rude.

If you do it againg email no spouses or children.

[AnandaTimeIn]

Can, t believe she didn, t take the opportunity to have some "me-time"....!

I would be pissed off too if I was in this situation, especially as PP says, if you, d organised a babysitter!

[smartypants1000]

Surprised everyone thinks this is odd. It wouldn't occur to me to think it was unusual and be annoyed about it. Perhaps she wanted you to meet her family seeing as you haven't before and may not get the chance again for a while? Why wouldn't her friends be interested in her life and want to meet the most important people to her?

[ilovesooty]

Why would they want to be landed unexpectedly with her husband and children at a prearranged all female gathering when the others had arranged childcare?

[Peekingduck]

Smarty, they booked a table for 6 and had exchanged emails saying this. Why on earth would anyone think that was the right time to drag the family along to introduce them? Or if she did want to introduce them, then just do that and then husband toddles off with the kids to Pizza Hut or wherever and is never seen again.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

The family were definetly being rude. Either
(1) they are socially unawares, in which case it will need to be explicit next time
(2) her DH is a controlling arse, I which case tread lightly as you dont want to cut her off entirely
(3) her DH may be unwilling to watch his own kids alone, so again be explicit next time its ladies only

Is any of that group in regular contact? Could they not te t or call and say something along the lines of "nice to see you but big surprise seeing the whole clan! Id have thought the kids would have preferred a pizza hut/mcdonalds that sitting listening to an adult group" amd see what the response is.

[antimatter]

she should be told next time - pl ease don't bring your family along, and say all of other things you've mentioned in your post

it's unfair on all 5 of you

[Caitlin17]

Smarty I can just about at a push understand taking husband and children along very briefly to say hello and then they all disappear sharply for the test of the night but to turn up and stay? Absolutely not

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Yanbu. I cannot imagine what was going through their heads. It would have been so easy just to take the kids and let her meet her friends. What did he seem like?

[Bogeyface]

All these shouts of "controlling DH" are a bit previous. She has form for bringing along BF's from their previous life, so it sounds like she is a "Invite one, invite all" kind of person.

I have a friend like this and unless you specifically state "Just you, not H and the kids" she will automatically bring them, and half the time will bring them anyway even if you have made it quite clear. They spend every minute together when they are not at work, it would be very claustrophobic for me but each to their own. There have been times when I got the feeling her H felt very awkward but she clearly couldnt see the problem.