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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my old schoolfriend should not have brought her family to reunion

182 replies

Summerbreezing · 04/05/2014 09:49

A group of us who hung around together at school have kept in intermittent touch over the years. However, due to distance, family commitments and work we haven't managed to meet up as a full group in years. Recently, however, circumstances meant we were all going to be in our home town on the same weekend and arranged to meet up for an early dinner on the Sat. before one of the group had to catch a train home.

Five of us arrived and were seated with glasses of wine wondering where no 6 was. Next thing in she arrived with a buggy, two other kids and her DH. She was all smiles and 'hope you don't mind, but we were at the art gallery and it was much handier for us all to come. Kids haven't eaten blah blah'. So instead of a nice couple of hours reminiscing and having a good laugh, we spent the time having to try and include her DH, put up with constant interruptions from her DC aged 10 ,8 and 2 and watch our Ps & Qs.

AIBU to think her DH could have taken the kids to McDs or somewhere (there was actually a family friendly pizza place right beside the restaurant we were in) rather than her entire family gatecrashing what was supposed to be a girls only reunion?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 04/05/2014 10:57

And presumably the reason she was in town was the trip she was having with her family!
What did all your families do? Or were you all in town on your own.

StealthPolarBear · 04/05/2014 10:58

Ah OK ignore everything I've said on this thread then :) If it was always going to be just you then that is inappropriate.

Istareatthesky · 04/05/2014 10:58

Got to be a controlling husband issue surely? I'm sure it would have curtailed the conversation somewhat, particularly "the remember when you snogged the face off those 5 lads at that party" variety. If it wasn't a controlling husband issue, what on earth was she playing at? Was she a good friend at school?

Thetallesttower · 04/05/2014 10:59

Some people are like this, genuinely don't get why you aren't pleased to see their husband and family. It's very self-centred and immune to social conventions. If I am meeting up with friends, we discuss- with partners, without, children or no and clarify so we know what kind of event it is. If it was a meet up with 6 of you for old times sake then it was extremely clear it was a girlie night. She knew you weren't bringing your families (presumably you could have done) but just chose to impose hers on you.

Original poster
Summerbreezing · 04/05/2014 10:59

Two of us still live in the same town, the others left their dcs with husbands or grandparents. She and her DH were staying with her parents and she also has two sisters living nearby.

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 04/05/2014 11:01

YANBU.

I have a friend (now moved up North!) who when she first started seeing her relatively new boyfriend (now DH) he came along every time we met up.

This was fine when he first started seeing her but there were one or two times (cafe, casual meet up) where I'd really have preferred to see her to talk e.g. about sensitive subjects without her boyfriend! I never said anything but I did wonder if he was maybe imposing or she was imposing him without me realising!

Maybe I should have said something….

Original poster
Summerbreezing · 04/05/2014 11:01

Istare she was best friends with one of the group and very good friends with the rest of us.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 04/05/2014 11:03

Sfh I moved up north is it me? ;)

GreenPetal94 · 04/05/2014 11:06

This would have really annoyed me too. I love adult only time. Perhaps that's why a lot of the girlfriends I have stuck with have not got kids.

Mrsjayy · 04/05/2014 11:23

My friend brought her husband to a female only weekend for a birthday that was awkward Shock some peoples lack of self awareness astounds me sometimes

Peekingduck · 04/05/2014 11:25

Your friend will be on here at some point in the future "AIBU to be upset that this group of old school friends are organising get-togethers and excluding me?".

Original poster
Summerbreezing · 04/05/2014 11:28

LOL Peeking. Sincerely hope she's not a mnetter Shock

OP posts:
slartybartfast · 04/05/2014 11:29

i spose if she was with her DH and her children seeing the art gallery she thought it was appropriate.
perhaps her DH cant cope with their DC on his own.

Original poster
Summerbreezing · 04/05/2014 11:29

ps We have considered organising another get together and just not inviting her. Blush

OP posts:
Joylin · 04/05/2014 11:30

Yanbu, she was aware that the arrangements were for the six of you but chose to inflict her family on everyone, there's no excuse for being so self absorbed and rude. I think you were unreasonable to pander to her though, people only behave like this because others fail to make their displeasure clear.

She's one of those deluded people who thinks her family is fascinating to everybody else, she's probably at home imagining how impressed you all are with her husband and reproductive capabilities.

Sirzy · 04/05/2014 11:31

Perhaps try to do two get togethers a year - a day out to the zoo or something where kids and husbands are invited if they wish and then a strictly "girls only" day/meal?

isitsnowingyet · 04/05/2014 11:33

I bet you were all polite on the night though. Perhaps she is somewhat slow on the uptake and needs telling if you and your friends were all pissed off with her? Awkward

isitsnowingyet · 04/05/2014 11:34

Good suggestion from Sirzy that sounds diplomatic way round!

StealthPolarBear · 04/05/2014 11:35

Joylin that's mean :(

Caitlin17 · 04/05/2014 11:48

Awful behaviour. I agree she sounds like one of those people who think her family is the most fascinating thing ever. As for the husband any man with an ounce of gumption and common sense would have left and taken the children.

Caitlin17 · 04/05/2014 11:49

Joylin that was not mean.

expatinscotland · 04/05/2014 11:50

YANBU

BillyBanter · 04/05/2014 11:50

She was like this with her ex boyfriend as well so I'm not sure why it's her DH's fault.

Some people just seem to think everything should be with their partner without consideration that, even if their friends find their partner delightful, might not actually want them tagging along to everything.

Maybe if the opportunity comes up again say something like 'the restaurant is fully booked so won't be able to accommodate any extra people this time' If she responds with an 'oh but DH...' then say 'ah well, never mind, catch you another time'.

Caitlin17 · 04/05/2014 11:51

Sirzy why on earth should a group of adult women have to organise and attend a "family event" just because one of them is joined at the hip with her husband ?

TequilaMockingbirdy · 04/05/2014 11:52

YANBU - when some people become mums does all else evaporate from their head?