To think my old schoolfriend should not have brought her family to reunion

[Summerbreezing]

A group of us who hung around together at school have kept in intermittent touch over the years. However, due to distance, family commitments and work we haven't managed to meet up as a full group in years. Recently, however, circumstances meant we were all going to be in our home town on the same weekend and arranged to meet up for an early dinner on the Sat. before one of the group had to catch a train home.

Five of us arrived and were seated with glasses of wine wondering where no 6 was. Next thing in she arrived with a buggy, two other kids and her DH. She was all smiles and 'hope you don't mind, but we were at the art gallery and it was much handier for us all to come. Kids haven't eaten blah blah'. So instead of a nice couple of hours reminiscing and having a good laugh, we spent the time having to try and include her DH, put up with constant interruptions from her DC aged 10 ,8 and 2 and watch our Ps & Qs.

AIBU to think her DH could have taken the kids to McDs or somewhere (there was actually a family friendly pizza place right beside the restaurant we were in) rather than her entire family gatecrashing what was supposed to be a girls only reunion?

It is up to someone if they never want to socialise without their partner. But you dont then bring your partner along to occasions where they are explicitly not invited. If someone behaved like that, I just wouldnt bother inviting them again. I cant be bothered with that level of rudeness and self centredness.

To be honest, when she first arrived in with the family in tow I assumed they'd just popped in to meet us and say hello as they were in town with my friend anyway, and would then be leaving us alone. By the time it dawned on me that they were staying another table was already being dragged over beside ours and the kids coats were being taken off. I think we were all just a bit stunned and there were a few WTF looks being exchanged around the table. Definitely if we do it again we'll be pre-empting any such occurrence (if we even invite her).

Worked with someone like this, she didn't have kids but the husband was always with her. Even if it was a work evening out, he would manage to appear. She seemed very dependent on him, even though she was a very confident, capable person in the work environment.
I think next time, I'd be very explicit, and as suggested upthread, if she starts on about husband and family coming along, say maybe next time, vaguely.
He should have had the savvy to leave the six of you to it, on that occasion, in my opinion.

Smarty why would she assume that on a girls night out for old friends who hadn't seen each other in years, and where everyone else was leaving husbands and children out of it, that we would all want to meet her dh and dcs. We didn't. We were looking forward to being all together for the first time in years and years and to reminiscing about our teenage years and having a laugh about old times.

Can you say 'no men/kids' onfututre texts

YANBU

People who can't socialise without their partner being present are beyond dull.

In this circumstance I'd think it was odd for someone to bring a friend, never mind their entire family. It clearly wasn't a more the merrier type event.

I think some women people stop seeing themselves as individuals when in a serious relationship. "I" and "we" mean the same thing and they are oblivious to social cues to the contrary.

I once had a get together for a bunch of female friends for my birthday. It was lunch in a restaurant near to where we all worked, and the plan was late lunch then knock off work (we didn't all work together, but in the same vicinity iyswim). One friend didn't work, so travelled in from home. Her DH, who also worked with some of us, then appeared and stayed for the lunch uninvited. Worse, she then made him pay for the whole thing (he's wealthy, but that's not the point).

The whole group discussed the utter weirdness of this for months.

YANBU. A couple of people at brought their 'DP's to the work's Xmas party last year. How sad is that? I was only there because I had to be.

I'm a bit on the fence with this one. If it was early - 6ish it doesn't really say 'girls night out' to me, more an early tea. If she was visiting from somewhere else it maybe made sense for her and DP and kids to stick together before going home or back to their hotel. If she was only visiting she might have had a lot of commitments to fit in and was going her best bit to let you all down.

OTOH it would have peed me off. How was the rest if it, did she join in or leave her husband to it?

Can / would her best friend in the group be willing to speak to her about this?

Weird. I could understand the kids if she'd had a last minute childcare let down. But dh as well? And how come he went along with it, surely he must have felt odd.

I woukd have been annoyed. im not Mary poppins and I have a son with sn so adult time is sacred. she obvious knew they werent invited because she asked if you didn't mind as they entered.

I have a friend who was like this & her dh came to everything until they split.. It was only after their divorce that we realised what a controlling bastard he was & that he wouldn't allow her to go anywhere by herself. Things aren't always as they seem so don't jump to judgements without knowing the full story.

ah ok so she has form for this type of behaviour...then I would be annoyed with her

I think if she was one of the group away from home it's understandable.... Would her dh have had to pick her up later and leave the dc at home and would her dh not mind her being out all evening when they were staying wyoith her family?
I can see the arrangements might have been awkward but she didn't want to let you down completely.

penny the DH should have taken the Kids somewhere else. It's not healthy that they can't be apart for a few hours.

Your friend was bu to bring them along, yes. Next time make it crystal clear that the invite is for one only, and that husbands and kids are expected to be elsewhere.

I remember organising a ladies night out with my close friends once, years ago. I had been through a dark, emotional, stressful event, and rang round telling them I needed a let-loose-with-my-homies sesh. One turned up with her new boyfriend in tow, and they proceeded to spend the evening slurping, stroking and giggling at one another, while the rest of us quietly at one another.

I would have been bitterly disappointed.

I stayed with a school friend recently in the US and his (much younger) boyfriend was with us the whole time. We had to weave him into our every conversation, no meandering trips down memory lane.

Sounds fantastically awkward.

I do find it a bit odd.

I have a friend who brings her DH to every take away night or meet up with friends. It's weird. I mean, we like him but he's never invited, but she brings him anyway.

I like spending time with my DH but we also like time apart. I just can't understand why some people are incapable of going out separately, just don't bother.

I would have been that person. Given that you're only in intermittent contact, you're hardly that close. I wouldn't want my precious family time to be interrupted for a bunch of people from school. I don't do individual gender meet-ups either, they annoy me.

Although if it had been made clear that my family were not welcome, I would simply have got the hump and not come myself then.

ooooooh!

Like those people who won't consider going to weddings if their children aren't invited, because if you don't want their children around at an event, you don't want their parents either.

Hopefully Idealist you just wouldn't have attended in the first place rather than exhibit the poor manners this woman did.

One way round it might have been to say to the husband "how lovely to meet you but you don't want to be bored with our chat and we're dying to catch up properly so why don't you and the kids go and sit over at that tAble over there and leave us girls to it" big smile!