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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if a lot of people who are Christians have had a rather nice life?

292 replies

stilllivingbythesea14 · 02/05/2014 22:33

I know I phrased that clumsily but I know a few Christians. They are nice people but very devout and pretty much always have been.

They are all white, middle class, privately educated, university graduates, plenty of money, nice jobs, one SAHM.

It must be easier to have faith in God if you've had a nice life? Hmm

I'd like to believe but I'm not sure I can.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 02/05/2014 23:13

"Actually most christians I know well have had fairly Shitty things happen in their life."

Same here. The husband of one lost his arm in a car accident. One had a child killed in a road accident, one had a child killed in a plane crash, one is married to an alcoholic, and one was widowed at 27 and left with three children under the age of six, one of whom subsequently died in her late teens.

Not a great advert for being religious is it.

That said, nearly all the Christians I know are white and middle class, and many are in or have held professional jobs. This might be more to do with where we go to church as, admittedly, we do live in a naice area.

Original poster
stilllivingbythesea14 · 02/05/2014 23:15

Yeah, I'm sort of a stately home graduate myself ... But I think the stately home would be (I am so bad at saying this!) sort of, pretend Christians.

The people I'm thinking of are lovely. That's why I'm a bit bemused people are offended, as I'm not saying that they are horrible, they are nice. And they are so sincere in their faith. But there's no denying they have been stable, comfortable, family units and often with nice looks as well.

I am probably just jealous!

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MrsMaturin · 02/05/2014 23:15

Well you are insulting me actually OP. I'm white, middle class, been to university and I have a happy life with my husband and my kids in a home we can pretty much afford etc etc. So the IMPLICATION of your post is that it's easy for me to be a Christian because of all of the above and I take from that you feel therefore that my faith is second class in some way.......which I'm sure you would agree is not a great thing to be implying.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/05/2014 23:16

I don't find the title offensive.

Not to get heavy, but I think it's actually kinda central to Christianity and organized religion, isn't it?! Isn't the whole point to wonder what relationship faith has to the kind of life you have? And for most normal people that involves saying 'why do bad things happen to me'. So it's natural to compare yourself to others and ask whether faith is something you only have if you're happy and nothing challenges that faith.

MerryMarigold · 02/05/2014 23:17

"a life that is generally dysfunctional and chaotic."

I know many Christians who've had that life in the past, been raped as a 6yo, neglected chronically by parents, been heavily into drugs, tons of stuff. But part of being a Christian is coming into a new life, so as a Christian you would not continue to lead a life like that, and would seek to overcome it. I think someone upthread said that maybe they have a nice life because they are Christians. I think there is nothing 'nicer' than having a faith, a sense of identity and purpose.

BackforGood · 02/05/2014 23:19

YABVVVU and clearly very naive.

MrsMaturin · 02/05/2014 23:22

No LRD what is central to Christianiy as a faith - and leave the 'organisation' out of it - is the fact that we are all in a state of sin, unable to save ourselves from that and Jesus Christ died for each of us. Bad things happen to good people and bad things happen to people with faith and yes Christians will cry out 'why' - read the Psalms, always have done. Bottom line is God is with us in all of the bad and the good. Having faith doesn't mean you accept hard things, doesn't mean you find it easy. It just means you aren't alone. There is something more and that more is the saving Grace that come from God.

Original poster
stilllivingbythesea14 · 02/05/2014 23:24

Thank you LRD.

As I've said I can think of people who come into Christianity after trauma/having a bad life.

I am thinking more people who've "always" been Christians, been raised in a Christian family and go on to be a devout Christian in their adult life.

I haven't said 'aibu to think Christians have never lost anyone, never had a horrible thing happen' have I? Confused

But in its entirety my experience has been most Christians have stable and loving backgrounds. Most, not all. :)

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 02/05/2014 23:26

The Christian Union where I went to university was just like that too Op! Maybe you are onto something......

Although now I think of it so was the athletics club. And the hockey club. And the drama club. And the......

(I went to Cambridge.)

My own experience is that I live a very charmed life. Good health for all of us, lovely husband, great kids, interesting job, plenty of money. The only thing I lack is a good nights sleep. I am very vaguely Christian but don't really feel the need for God - dh and I are doing just fine on our own.....

Original poster
stilllivingbythesea14 · 02/05/2014 23:27

You're cleverer than me, I didn't go anywhere as clever as Cambridge, good on you :)

OP posts:
subtleplansarehereagain · 02/05/2014 23:28

In your experience of middle-class, white Christians you met at university, that is.

Are you really unable to understand that this is a very narrow sample of a global church?

skinnyflatwhitetogo · 02/05/2014 23:29

OP, I think you are confused at what people are getting offended about.

It has nothing to do with your view of your Christian union friends who I am sure are all lovely. It has everything to do with the fact that you are making a huge generalisation/assumption. The term Christian is so broad and your OP attempted to place all christians into a narrow 'stereotype' you have presumed from a narrow experience (university CU does not represent all Christians).

Appletini · 02/05/2014 23:30

I'm a Christian. Became religious fairly recently. My life has not been easy (childhood abuse, past DV, various other things).

I think it can be easy to form an image of the church based on the people you meet or see in the media and I also think it can be very confusing for people without faith to understand how anyone who has suffered can believe - from an outsider's perspective it doesn't seem possible for suffering and faith to exist within the same life.

I think you just happen not to have met many Christians who don't have stable backgrounds. But we are out there. I would also caution against making assumptions about people's backgrounds, past histories, etc.

I think faith has different purposes and is expressed in different ways depending on how and when people find it.

Original poster
stilllivingbythesea14 · 02/05/2014 23:30

No, of course not. I honestly don't quite understand why people are so upset, I was musing it over and thought I'd start a thread.

I WENT TO CHURCH FOR (sorry!) 3 years after Uni, I met loads meeting my description.

Lot of sarcastic rude Christians here!

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Original poster
stilllivingbythesea14 · 02/05/2014 23:31

Well yes, but I did say "a lot" not "all" or even "most"!

OP posts:
Nannyplumismymum · 02/05/2014 23:32

OP I very much agree.

I heard Christians tell me " god doesn't give out anything we can't handle".

Tell that to most of my tormented mental health patients who have had lives of sheer tragedy Hmm.

KristinaM · 02/05/2014 23:33

I'm not sure if the thousands of Christians all over the world who are in prison or otherwise persecuted for their faith would agree with you

LatinForTelly · 02/05/2014 23:33

I'd say it was rather the opposite, particularly if you look further afield than just the UK.

I think part of the decline of the church in our society is because of our increasing health and quality of life, and moreoever our relative control over those things.

A century or so ago, suffering was ubiquitous, wasn't it? No family, I'd have thought, was left untouched by a loss of a child, parent or sibling prematurely.

Religion, a belief in something better to come at least, and a guiding force at best, was what kept our forebears sane, I'd have thought.

I think worldwide it probably still has that role.

I dunno, I have no data to back this up at all, it is probably a load of old guff.

MrsMaturin · 02/05/2014 23:33

Being a Christian doesn't mean I need to sit here and simply say oh bless you my child, you spout whatever nonsense you like about me and people like me and I'll just put up with it.........

Original poster
stilllivingbythesea14 · 02/05/2014 23:34

That's very true but I do think it was pretty obvious I was speaking about this country when I said white & middle class.

OP posts:
Itscurtainsforyou · 02/05/2014 23:35

I believe in god - and I suppose an outsider would say I've had an easy life (although it's certainly not bee plain sailing). However I'm not sure god or Christianity can ever help me make sense of my children being stillborn. I'm very angry at god and the empty platitude from other Christians (I know it's difficult to know what to say in such situations but some of these comments have been unbelievable).

So maybe for me I can understand what the OP is saying - it's easier to believe in a higher being when all is going well, but when it's not you (I) really question things...

manicinsomniac · 02/05/2014 23:36

But in its entirety my experience has been most Christians have stable and loving backgrounds. Most, not all.

In my experience I would say that a similar proportion of Christians have had great, average and tough lives as the general population have.

I doubt (happy to be proved wrong with stats) that the global Christian population will be vastly different to the global population in terms of race, upbringing, class, wealth, health or happiness (I believe there is a difference in gender and age - higher percentage of female Christians and fewer 20s/30s Christians)

subtleplansarehereagain · 02/05/2014 23:36

This reply has been deleted

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skinnyflatwhitetogo · 02/05/2014 23:38

i haven't said that 'Abu to think Christians have never lost anyone, never had a horrible thing happen' have I?

Your thread title wonders if a lot of Christians have had a nice life....

I don't think you mean any ill will here but I do think you should have thought your original post through more clearly before you started this thread.

Original poster
stilllivingbythesea14 · 02/05/2014 23:39

Three years of church after university, when I also attended church.

That was a really nasty post and it has upset me. It was unnecessary, I have not insulted anybody on this thread.

OP posts: