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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if a lot of people who are Christians have had a rather nice life?

292 replies

stilllivingbythesea14 · 02/05/2014 22:33

I know I phrased that clumsily but I know a few Christians. They are nice people but very devout and pretty much always have been.

They are all white, middle class, privately educated, university graduates, plenty of money, nice jobs, one SAHM.

It must be easier to have faith in God if you've had a nice life? Hmm

I'd like to believe but I'm not sure I can.

OP posts:
skinnyflatwhitetogo · 02/05/2014 23:00

i suppose its easier to have a faith if you've loads to be thankful for

Sorry, but again, a totally naive statement.

Think about it.

Original poster
stilllivingbythesea14 · 02/05/2014 23:00

Manic, I didn't choose to lose my faith, I just did; you can't force yourself to believe something.

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 02/05/2014 23:00

I don't think Jesus had a very 'nice life' (in the way you describe it).

I do know what you mean, that a lot of Church of England types are the way you describe and it's almost an English middle class cultural thing like being a Muslim is for people from other cultures (who are not particularly devout but follow a few customs). I don't think you can tar everyone with the same brush. There's a lot of Christians in Africa and India who do not have nice lives at all, but their joy and gratitude is amazing.

Original poster
stilllivingbythesea14 · 02/05/2014 23:00

I have to admit I didn't expect such strong responses.

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/05/2014 23:01

Mmm. I'm your classic 'pretty nice life' Christian, but I think the extremes are quite common too. The church I used to go to, in quite a deprived area, had a really big congregation and lots were people who were, frankly, in the shit.

I also tend to wonder because as I understand, the fastest-growing Christian populations aren't in the UK, so maybe we're difficult to analyse. In Russia, a lot of people clung to Christianity while leading really pretty appalling lives - because it was something meaningful. I think it's quite likely for many of those people, they weren't naturally Christian or religious, it was just that religion meant keeping faith with the idea there would be better times soon.

So I think it's very complicated to analyse why people might be Christian, and it's never going to be as simple as having a nice life!

BlackeyedSusan · 02/05/2014 23:01

fuck no. and some of us swear.

where to start?

how about bullied at school for 10 years, and though I hate to admit it I could fit right in with the stately homers, (and dad more so as he was quite badly neglected) been out of work on and off for years at one stage (temporary contracts) and escaped from domestic violence. (all of which I have put on here somewhere or other at some time.) throw in the usual (at my age) bereavements and a miscarriage, a child with ASD

I do think my life is comparitively easier than a lot of peoples lives and am very fortunate. On thing that has helped is faith in God. not saying I have not ranted at him at times about the unfairness of life at times though.

what you see on the outside of people is not necessarily what is going on on the inside.

Elderflowergranita · 02/05/2014 23:01

I think people turn to God more in tough times, so I do feel your premise is false.

missymarmite · 02/05/2014 23:02

YABU. I turned to Christianity when my life was at its lowest ebb. I was desperate; my (d)h was about to leave me and 2 year old ds, we lived abroad, I had no job, no money, and I had no hope. I had no way to pay my rent and local social services basically told me I would have to put my ds in care as I had no way to earn enough to pay for childcare and support us.

Believing in something else when life is hard was the one and only thing that held me together. I actually turned away from the church ( Assembly of God ; super fundamentalist American evangelical hysterical happy clappy stuff) after, when my life got better, because of their stance on many things, not least homosexuality. But I am thankful for the fact that they gave me solace and actual practical help at a time when I felt utterly alone.

I believe poorer people tend to be more religious. Most third world countries are very religious. What else do you have when you have nothing?

Original poster
stilllivingbythesea14 · 02/05/2014 23:02

Oh I didn't intend to tar everyone I do think I mean the type you're describing though.

All my friends from the Christian union at Uni were very middle class, had very conventional family backgrounds, detached homes with names not numbers, high earning dad, sah mum, parents actively involved in the church, you know?

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/05/2014 23:03

Gah. I should have said, Russia under the Soviets, when the Church was demonised.

manicinsomniac · 02/05/2014 23:03

the church I currently attend has members who are crippled by debt, victims of DV, have traumatised adopted children, have disabled or SN children, have been through the care system, are functionally illiterate and are well below the poverty line.

It also has members who have seeming perfect 2.4 families, are millionaires, live in leafy suburbs or beautiful villages, have private educations for themselves and/or their children, have well paid and stable jobs and enjoy good health for themselves and their families.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/05/2014 23:04

Cross posted, sorry!

I did notice that about Christian Union where I was too!

Original poster
stilllivingbythesea14 · 02/05/2014 23:04

Yes, maybe it's just something inherent with cus!

OP posts:
mrsminiverscharlady · 02/05/2014 23:05

I guess you didn't hear Justin Welby on Jeremy vine today then? Was very moving hearing the story of how his baby daughter died.

Laquila · 02/05/2014 23:05

I agree with Skinnyflatwhite, really, that you're oversimplifying things and generalising.

But if we're in the business of generalising, you might say that people who've been through real hardship in life have more reason to be steadfast in their faith.

mrsbug · 02/05/2014 23:05

Actually my experience is the opposite - people who I've met who have really shitty lives have turned to religion as a way of coping or giving them hope.

manicinsomniac · 02/05/2014 23:07

stillliving - I agree, you can't choose whether or not your lose your faith, I absolutely didn't mean to imply that you could. Just that, for me, an assumption that I would lose my faith just because tragedy had now hit me was illogical.

All my friends from the Christian union at Uni were very middle class, had very conventional family backgrounds, detached homes with names not numbers, high earning dad, sah mum, parents actively involved in the church, you know?

Is that not because they were at university rather than because they were Christian?

Iyatoda38 · 02/05/2014 23:07

I have always believed. I have a nice life now. 3 DCs, a dh who earns well, I also have a good job. But 13 yrs ago I was an immigrant living in a garage.

I still believe. The only difference between then and now is that my work in the church is non existent as I have little spare time.

MrsMaturin · 02/05/2014 23:08

I have to say I too find the OP's title offensive. Dh and I have just been running through the Christians we know - and many of them are white and middle class btw - who have endured all sorts of sadness and suffering. What do you reckon OP - did they just brush it off because of their faith?

I'm sorry you don't feel God in your life right now OP. That isn't the fault of other Christians though. There are times when it's easy to pray and times when it physically hurts to do so. Whatever stage you're at though - He is there.

manicinsomniac · 02/05/2014 23:08

My university CU would certainly fit your description - but it was Durham! It wasn't the Christians who were like that it was 80% of the student body.

grumpasaur · 02/05/2014 23:10

I know what you mean. I think there is a certain type of Christian- in my experience the overly evangelical and holier-than-thou type- who fit what the op is describing. It's a certain type of Christianity, with cliques and a hierarchy and a general lack of experience. They use god to look down on others, whilst again in my experience, a lower-class and hard working type of Christian exists who has had as shit a go of it as the rest of us, and uses god to look forward, to find hope, and to seek perspective.

The latter type I respect and admire. The former, I want to poison with little white biscuits!

Original poster
stilllivingbythesea14 · 02/05/2014 23:10

I didn't hear that story no, I'm not sure if you're trying to imply that I must have heard it and am being really insensitive? Because I wasn't.

Of course everyone has tragedies in their lives but I suppose I am distinguishing between a one off, though horrific, event, and a life that is generally dysfunctional and chaotic. And I know money doesn't solve everything. I'm probably not getting myself across well, it's just I can picture the Christians I know, and I know what I mean! But I'm not explaining it. I don't know why people are offended though, I'm not insulting them?

OP posts:
StrumpersPlunkett · 02/05/2014 23:11

You only have to frequent the stately homes thread for a while to understand that all the stereotypes you allude to mean fuck all to do with someone having a nice life

MerryMarigold · 02/05/2014 23:11

I know the ones! I think what you will find though is that this generation (ours) will be the one where that dies out. They were the reason that I couldn't face becoming a Christian from a fairly young age, tbh, and rejected God (not that it was his fault but it was all muddled up in my head). In the end (at a low point) I did find somewhere with a Christianity that was a lot more genuine and fun and honest.

skinnyflatwhitetogo · 02/05/2014 23:12

OP, go back and look at your post. You say you know 'a few Christians' and then elaborate that they are white, affluent etc...you then suggest its easier to believe in God if you've had a nice life...

I think you have a very narrow view and you aren't recognising this.

Seriously, I lost my niece when she was 3 days old. It didn't matter how much I had in the bank or whether I had paid for school or had a SAHM...losing my niece was not 'a nice life'....

how on earth can you presume to know what was going on behind the closed doors of the lives of these Christian friends whose lives you claim we're nice?

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