Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with disrespectful women!

247 replies

gotnotimeforthat · 02/05/2014 15:10

I'm talking about the women that know a guy is in a relationship yet continue to hit on him or upon hearing he has a girlfriend out right says 'I'm only up for a shag anyway, am I wasting my time?' Handing yourself on a plate like that to someone with a girlfriend and child is just low.

I obviously can't speak for all women but i wouldn't dream of hitting on somebody if they was in a relationship. I find it so disrespectful!

This happens quite a lot with my partner and it really angers me.

AIBU to let this bother me as much as it does? The woman I mentioned above might of got a peice of my mind..

OP posts:
Madeyemoodysmum · 04/05/2014 10:49

Mistress dee. Hear hear.

I agree. I'm astounded that anyone thinks it's ok to hit on a man in a known relationship.
It's cheap and desperate
The internet is full of sites for a quick shag. Use those if your that desperate.

SuperFlyHigh · 04/05/2014 10:54

Made - do you really think this woman is flirting outrageously with this sex god at work?!

I agree re a man or woman hitting on someone in a known relationship though, if you have morals you shouldn't do this.

Madeyemoodysmum · 04/05/2014 11:03

I don't know if the op is exaggerating or not but that's not really the point. I still think its unacceptable to be hitting on a man in a relationship to start off and worse if he has said no

What kind of morals do those saying it's ok have!?

Original poster
gotnotimeforthat · 04/05/2014 11:05

I didn't report her because I didn't want her to get fired. She's only a temp so won't be here long anyway.

I also didn't threaten her. When I called I simply stated that I didn't appreciate the way she was speaking to my partner and that I found it disrespectful.

She hasn't spoken to him since, so no disciplinary hearing was needed

OP posts:
Original poster
gotnotimeforthat · 04/05/2014 11:09

super you are incredibly naive I you think this doesn't happen in daily life.

I've seen the texts! There is no denying the fact she was throwing herself at him.

Why is it so hard to believe that some woman have no morals?

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 04/05/2014 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
gotnotimeforthat · 04/05/2014 11:19

At the end of the day he had reported her to higher management it would of caused a lot of friction at work. While this woman seriously pissed me off I didn't want her to look like an idiot at her new job.

I made a call told her she was being inappropriate and she then stopped contact. Therefore nothing else has been said about it and she will not be ridiculed at work.

Why get higher management involved when a quick phone call will suffice? It did the trick didn't it?

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 04/05/2014 11:25

Oh dear, naive am I?!

Most DH/OP ignore this behaviour. Sounds like your DH is revelling in it.

If he doesn't engage with her then she can't flirt. all he needs to do is ignore.

what will you do next time this happens?!

MrsDeVere · 04/05/2014 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperFlyHigh · 04/05/2014 11:26

also how does this woman have his mobile phone number to swap texts if he didn't give it to her or if she asked him for it, given it to her?!

McFox · 04/05/2014 11:28

For those who don't believe this, my own current head of HR has a terrible reputation for this - she'll get pissed on a work night out, pick a guy out and start throwing herself at him, trying to hold his hand etc. this has happened on the past 3 nights out, and she's never been reported (as far as I know) because I think the guys are too scared. It happens.

If it was a guy doing this to the OP everyone would cry sexual harassment, I just don't understand why, because it's the other way around, the majority of responses have blamed him - its baffling and really depressing.

SuperFlyHigh · 04/05/2014 11:31

McFox - I agree with what you say, not good behaviour etc but when it gets to this stage, swapping texts etc then both parties are engaging.

if someone refuses or says no or whatever then it can't go further. in my experience anyway.

Pasithea · 04/05/2014 11:33

OMG it's called life. That is what happens in life.

Original poster
gotnotimeforthat · 04/05/2014 12:05

super if you had read further down the thread I explained all the texts.... Everyone within the company has each others work numbers, the numbers appear at the en of email as well.

She propositioned him and he said he wasn't interested, she propositioned again and he ignored her. She must of text him a good 5/6 times.

I am 100% sure in saying my partner was NOT and is not flirting with her in anyway.

Why would m partner suffer ridicule? Nobody else at work besides him and this woman know about this situation. Why? Because I dealt with it myself instead of involving every man an his dog by orderinga disciplinary hearing.

OP posts:
Original poster
gotnotimeforthat · 04/05/2014 12:18

I do understand what you are all saying though, perhaps I shouldn't of called her. But calling her worked, she is no longer throwing herself at him in the hope he will eventually give in. So all in all the phone call was effective and I got what I hoped to achieve.

OP posts:
UncleT · 04/05/2014 12:21

One reply in and it's the guy's fault, based on precisely nothing but sexist assumption. Real classy.

ilovesooty · 04/05/2014 12:29

Any reporting should have been done by your partner. There are procedures to cover this sort of unprofessional behaviour.

It's not just harassment. There is the issue of using mobiles for inappropriate purposes.

Famzilla · 04/05/2014 12:52

OP I kind of understand what you're going through, it happened to DH and I when we were younger & courting. He would frequently be approached by girls on nights out or at parties, one woman was pretty obsessed with him and would like/comment on all his FB (this was back in the day of Facebook being something you went on once every couple of days from a computer) things and turn up wherever we were. It was creepy.

I used to get angry with DH because he was very friendly and a bit of a coward so must have been giving off the wrong signals. Obviously I was angry at the women too, but they certainly weren't 100% to blame. I think you're being a bit blinkered to be honest.

This was a long time ago btw, he has too many chins to be Sussex's answer to Spencer Matthews now.

SuperFlyHigh · 04/05/2014 12:55

got - oh I see… re the texts

well to be fair I'd maybe not target her but maybe mention about the inappropriate texts. because they are inappropriate.

and I've just seen what ilovesooty says and it sums it up nicely what I'm trying to say… which is a bit muddled.

really your partner should have mentioned it and there are rules (even have them in my own and most work's handbooks) for inappropriate behaviour.

so what if she's a temp and she gets in trouble? she shouldn't have done this then.

but your phone call sorry is out of order and could potentially get you and your partner in trouble no matter how nice you are or what this woman's done.

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/05/2014 15:21

OP what did you say to her and what was her response?

Hissy · 04/05/2014 16:25

My ex used to get women throwing themselves at him. In a phone shop, the assistant gave him her number, I threatened to ring her manager, it is a huge lack of respect! Another woman, a police officer at a police station, offered her number.

A woman once got into his car and refused to get out, wanted a 'date' with him.

Stuff like that used to happen quite a lot. Nothing came of it, but it was exceptionally annoying and unnerving.

A bloke once got into my car and asked if i'd like to go out with him. He left when I told him that my huge army trained H wouldn't like it, and especially not if I got home with the chips cold...

There are predatory people, it happens.

Lauren83 · 04/05/2014 16:35

I don't understand how this keeps happening? My DP has a lot of admirers (make and female as it happens) This has never happened to him and he works with 80% women? He gets women looking when we are out and about I notice it all the time and it makes me so mad! But kinda smug too :)

Original poster
gotnotimeforthat · 04/05/2014 16:59

dione I said...

" hello this is 'gotno' such and suchs partner, I have read the messages you have been sending him and frankly I find them both innapropriate and disrespectful.he has told you numerous times he has a misses and a kid yet you continue to proposition yourself for sex. I would appreciate It if you only contacted him about business matters."

To which she replied

" I'm sorry it's just I have not long gotten out of an abusive relationship, I will delete his number and stop emailing him sorry"

^ I'm not sure what her previous relationship had to do with this but yeah that was pretty much the conversation.

I don't see how my partner and I could possibly get in trouble about that..

OP posts:
Original poster
gotnotimeforthat · 04/05/2014 17:03

super I do understand what you are saying.

In hindsight he should of just reported her, but as i said I didn't want her to get fired or ridiculed. As much as this woman annoyed me I would feel incredibly guilty if she was fired because of me and my partner. I now how hard it is to find work.

OP posts:
Hissy · 04/05/2014 18:18

Abusive relationship my arse! I've heard a number of people use that as an excuse for treating people like shit.

I was in an abusive relationship and never once did it occur to me to hurl myself at a bloke, repeatedly, or to verbally abuse my child in a packed shop.

I called one out on that too!

Good for you OP!

Swipe left for the next trending thread