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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with disrespectful women!

247 replies

gotnotimeforthat · 02/05/2014 15:10

I'm talking about the women that know a guy is in a relationship yet continue to hit on him or upon hearing he has a girlfriend out right says 'I'm only up for a shag anyway, am I wasting my time?' Handing yourself on a plate like that to someone with a girlfriend and child is just low.

I obviously can't speak for all women but i wouldn't dream of hitting on somebody if they was in a relationship. I find it so disrespectful!

This happens quite a lot with my partner and it really angers me.

AIBU to let this bother me as much as it does? The woman I mentioned above might of got a peice of my mind..

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 02/05/2014 22:34

If someone propositioned my DH he would be so thrilled about it he would talk about it until his dying day. Bless.

Are you sure it was H Samuels, and not Beaverbrooks?

deakymom · 03/05/2014 01:06

my husband attracts psychotic women he had one who was a friend of his aunt friends request him on facebook he accepted (thinking she was a gamer request he didn't really use it for anything else) she asked him if he wanted to chat sometime and he looked really hot etc he replied sorry no i have a wife and children she hit the roof called him all the names under the sun said i was a paranoid bitch who wouldn't let him speak (she has never met me or him how the fuck does she know anything about us?) really went ott he told her even if i wasn't married i still wouldn't want you took her off his profile she f/r him again and continued to message him he had to report her and block her! she is one of a few who are nuts about my husband

McFox · 03/05/2014 01:29

It's really weird that some of you clearly just don't believe this happens - why not?!

I would say that the same thing happens to me & my DH too. We both work in industries which entail loads of networking (i.e getting pissed with folk in their 20s/30s) and we often get propositioned. We just laugh it off though and its become a bit of a running joke between us. I've also been given a guys phone number in the street, in bars, and hit on by taxi drivers (one even came back to my house ages after dropping me off to ask me out!). It happens.

It's never really occurred to me that it's disrespectful as we've both been quite clear that we're married, and that's been the end of it. I suppose that if someone was a bit more insistent and not to be put off, then I would be pissed off, but we've not encountered that and my DH would have to handle it himself. I can't really foresee a situation where I'd feel compelled to phone someone and tell them to back off!!

Thumbwitch · 03/05/2014 01:33

OP, you are not in the wrong; although phoning the mad woman might have been a bit OTT, it seems to have done the trick. She now knows you know, so there's no chance that your DP is keeping it quiet from you, as she was no doubt hoping.

Whether or not she'll completely stop, I don't know. There are women out there who seem to prefer to "take a man off" another woman, it's some kind of low self-esteem thing on their part, if they can beat the other woman then they feel better about themselves. It's also nothing to do with you, per se, except that you are another woman.

Your DP needs to continue to be completely clear to her that she stands zero chance with him and is actually looking very pathetic and needy. However, if she's in HR, there could be a backlash as a result of it, so he needs to be careful.

Anyone who doesn't believe these situations can occur has either lived a very sheltered life or only knows nice people - I've known people in both situations and it's bloody uncomfortable.

Thumbwitch · 03/05/2014 01:37

(by both situations I mean 1) being propositioned by someone who wouldn't back off and 2) getting on the wrong side of the HR person)

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/05/2014 01:49

I have never met a woman who behaved as you describe op.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 03/05/2014 01:51

Although I think the OP slightly odd, I have met a lot of women like this

EurotrashGirl · 03/05/2014 01:55

Make wear a burka every time he leaves the house Grin

Thumbwitch · 03/05/2014 01:56

MiniatureRailway (yes I did say that just like in peppa pig Blush) - I agree. I have an ex who was a complete wanker like that too, and yes, he used to call me up and proposition me, even when he was about to get married to someone else. He did stop when I got into a relationship myself though, I think he thought he was doing me a favour while I was single or something! Hmm

EurotrashGirl · 03/05/2014 02:02

sorry, make him wear a burka

Bogeyface · 03/05/2014 02:06

I have never met a woman who behaved as you describe op.

I have. And both of them didnt really want the man in question, they just wanted to know that they were worth him cheating on his wife for. Very sad.

MistressDeeCee · 03/05/2014 02:30

I don't get why some are pretending sidechick mentality doesn't exist. Of course it does. Some women see men who are 'taken' for want of a better word as a challenge, some are just over-competitive with other women, etc. I have zero respect for women like that - stop defining yourself mainly via how a man views you & get some self-respect going on.

I include the ones that are often cheered on by 1/2 of MN - the 'woe-is-me' ones who've been dumped by an MM and are whinging (of course its solely the man's fault, OW is a delicate flower who was fooled) and the 'All My Friends Are Men I Just Can't Get On With Women' crew, talking as if they're wide-eyed & innocent but just the same, defining themselves via how attractive they are to men, and often aiming to be the spectre in someone else's relationship "I Dont Know Why His DW is Jealous Of Me We're Just Very Good Friends". Yes, Im sure it could never, ever be that they're always trying to inviegle themselves around said man, and of course the DW is ALWAYS spitting with jealousy, never just thinking 'why won't this prat of a woman just piss off sometimes'

Of course it doesn't mean all women are like this at all but its disengenious to say the least, to pretend all women are perfectly behaved. Of course they're not, that's just life. Throw a penis into the mix and see who's an angel, as they say Grin

OH has been hit on a few times. It may come up in convo, Ive been hit on by guys I may tell him too but we just laugh about it. A couple can and do talk about whatever they like. So what. He isn't going to respect a woman who comes onto him knowing he's in a relationship, so Im not worried at all. There's no way Id phone up a woman who showed interest in him - what the hell for? He can take care of himself thank you. & even the thought of OH phoning up some bloke "stay away from ma woman!!!" is making me laugh.

Sorry to hear its upset you OP but its best to ignore, unless your DH is playing games..if he is then you need to have a word. Desperate women shouldn't be given an ounce of your time

bubblebabeuk · 03/05/2014 03:09

Great thread, just popping out to tesco's to wave some cucumbers suggestively at random men!

JapaneseMargaret · 03/05/2014 03:40

OP, you calling women up to give them a piece of your mind makes it look as if you think they are a genuine threat.

That's a compliment to them, you realise?

I know this is seemingly impossible for many adults to do, but the best way to get rid of winder-uppers is to ignore them. And this goes for your partner, as well. Don't bite and they'll get bored, give up and go away.

LibraryMum8 · 03/05/2014 04:20

YANBU, I think it stems from low self esteem more than wanting the man. It has happened to me twice, one took the bait and one did not (they were my boyfriends) & 2 different women - one a friend.

Both of the times they did me a favor. And made fools of the men. The one that dropped me for her, she dropped him right afterwards. Saved me the trouble!

LibraryMum8 · 03/05/2014 04:22

Oh and I wasn't really angry, when it was said and done everyone saw gpher as the pathetic little whore she was!

lastnightIwenttoManderley · 03/05/2014 05:29

Do supermarkets still do those mythical singles nights? Does this coincide with DPs Tesco trips where he also wears green for good measure? Struggling to see any other circumstance in which you'd get chatted up enough times for it to be noteworthy!

OP if you'd asked about whether or not YABU about work woman you might get more sensible answers. This tesco/hsamuel scenario all seems a bit too Brave New World for me...

Fairenuff · 03/05/2014 11:24

I would say that the same thing happens to me & my DH too. We both work in industries which entail loads of networking (i.e getting pissed with folk in their 20s/30s) and we often get propositioned.

A lot of people do flirt at work and some are just generally flirty by nature. It's fun and lots do it. But you can't flirt with someone who tells you to get lost. So OP's partner must be flirting back. For him it might be very natural and harmless but the fact that he goes running back to 'tell' on these women makes it sound like he enjoys winding OP up.

He must have been gleeful when she phoned the woman Hmm

BerylStreep · 03/05/2014 11:58

I accept that for some women, they do like the competitiveness of 'taking' someone who is in a relationship.

However, the frequency of it for the OP's partner seems strange.

Re the taxi driver coming back - that is the behaviour of a sexual predator.

thebodylovesspring · 03/05/2014 12:04

Are you married to David Beckham?

YouDontDoHumanityDoYou · 03/05/2014 12:13

Two things strike me here.

A). If I were called by some strange woman ranting at me to leave her possession man alone, I'd laugh at her.

B). You sound like you're from Peckham.

thebodylovesspring · 03/05/2014 12:18

You make your lives seem like a confessions of crap film.

I expect your dh is playing you all off.

He sounds a but if a knob.

Unless if course he really is David Beckham and then that's completely understandable. Grin

Original poster
gotnotimeforthat · 03/05/2014 12:29

Fairenuff

I'm not sure how saying ' I have a misses and a kid I'm not interested' can be seen as flirting with her.

I called the woman because after being told countless times by my partner that she is wasting her time she continued text him pretty much begging him for a fuck. I think she was hoping that I didn't know like thumb suggested because she hasn't spoken to him since.

As I've said many times the tescos and h Samuels are not relevant. I only mentioned those because this lady ha royally pissed me off which in turn has pissed me off about the others.

I'm not even remotely full of myself, big headed or whatever you may be thinking perhaps many of you may just be oblivious because this behaviour certainly does happen.

I don't see it as a compliment I take it as being disrespectful. Like I said before flirt and try your luck all you want but the minute you find out the guys taken you stop. You don't then and only then outright proposition him for sex.

OP posts:
Original poster
gotnotimeforthat · 03/05/2014 12:33

I'm genuinely confused as to why the problem lies with me and my partner.

Why MUST I be paranoid? Why MUST by partner be flirting back? Why MUST he love winding me up?

Why are all those assumptions reasonable but claiming this woman has no respect is not?

OP posts:
Original poster
gotnotimeforthat · 03/05/2014 13:04

I expect your dh is playing you all off

No not at all. why has my partner been made out to be the bad guy in all of this? i saw clear as day that he had told this woman he wasn't interested. he is not the problem here..

OP posts: