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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be angry with disrespectful women!

247 replies

gotnotimeforthat · 02/05/2014 15:10

I'm talking about the women that know a guy is in a relationship yet continue to hit on him or upon hearing he has a girlfriend out right says 'I'm only up for a shag anyway, am I wasting my time?' Handing yourself on a plate like that to someone with a girlfriend and child is just low.

I obviously can't speak for all women but i wouldn't dream of hitting on somebody if they was in a relationship. I find it so disrespectful!

This happens quite a lot with my partner and it really angers me.

AIBU to let this bother me as much as it does? The woman I mentioned above might of got a peice of my mind..

OP posts:

McFox · 03/05/2014 13:30

I'm with you OP, there are a lot of weird opinions on this one. If he'd not told you about any of this then you'd be getting told that he's clearly up to something or he'd have been honest otherwise. He's been honest, so he's being accused of playing games. Some people are just so cynical that nothing you can say will make a blind bit if difference and it says more about them than your relationship - which only you know best!

To be honest, given that someone has told me that my story of being asked out means that the guy behaved like a sexual predator, I would take some of these responses with a very large pinch of salt, and laugh them off because I can't help but feel a little bit sorry for some people if they think that flirting and being asked out is an unusual occurrence or signifies predatory behaviour. What a way to live your life.

Nearlythebig50 · 03/05/2014 13:52

Just told my husband about this tread, off he goes to Tesco to do the weeks shopping while I sit reading Mumsnet... Result! :)

neverthebride · 03/05/2014 14:12

The only reason I left my minimum wage job at H.Samuels was because the super-hot attached men just wouldn't fuck me despite all my offers.

Honestly, why would you work in a jewellers attached to Argos if it's not for the sex???!.

The lure of cut-price gold and bejewelled articulated clowns on a chain will only take you so far..

RonaldMcDonald · 03/05/2014 14:32

you'd better keep a very close eye on him
better to be always on the lookout

DioneTheDiabolist · 03/05/2014 14:42

What did she say when you spoke to her OP?

SofaCanary · 03/05/2014 16:13

He must have some mega strong pheromones or summat

ExitPursuedByABear · 03/05/2014 16:28

Am I alone in loathing the word disrespectful? I am sure it didn't exist when I was growing up.

Writerwannabe83 · 03/05/2014 16:38

I have only read up to page 3 so far and I'm already

The thought of women throwing themselves at him in H.Samuels made me laugh out loud!!

Right, I'm going to read the rest of this thread now

IWillIfHeWill · 03/05/2014 17:13

Why MUST I be paranoid? Why MUST by partner be flirting back? Why MUST he love winding me up? Why are all those assumptions reasonable but claiming this woman has no respect is not?

But why should a woman have 'respect' for you and your relationship? If your partner has that respect, the approaches of the other woman will be rejected. Nothing lost on either side.
To imagine that all other women owe you respect because you've put dibs on a man is just barmy. It is 'entitled' as they say, nowadays.
As my aged mother said when I told her the man I was interested in had a wife.. "Never mind her! She's had him long enough!"

Original poster

gotnotimeforthat · 03/05/2014 17:28

iwillifhewill

Why shouldn't other people have respect for me, you or anybody else? I don't think people should respect me because I have dibs on my man I think people should generally show a lot more respect all round.

"Never mind her she's had him long enough"

So this isn't a new problem then, it's been passed down through generations. What a wonderful lesson to teach your daughter..

OP posts:

domistheone · 03/05/2014 17:48

I remember being in a bar with a friend and a group of guys on a stag do started talking to us. I asked which one the stag was and they said the bald one.

A bald guy walks over to them and I said "oh are you the stag? ?"

He looked at me and said - "No, I'm not I'm his older brother. But I'm happily with someone and have been for 17 years and I'm crazy about her - sorry."

He was being deadly serious. He was also a good 20 years older than me, and a good 4 inches shorter than me.

If he had been the groom, I'd have said something along the lines of congratulations, whens the big day? etc. Basically made polite conversation with no intention of having sex with him.

Regardless I'd asked one simple question and this guy assumed I was throwing myself at him.

Some people are just that full of themselves that they think a person of the opposite sex speaking to them means all they're really after is a good fuck.

It's very laughable.

domistheone · 03/05/2014 17:52

It reminds me of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie is talking about meeting Berger, liking him and then finding out he had a girlfriend.

“Charlotte: He should've mentioned her earlier.

Samantha: But not too early. I hate it when men do that. "I have a girlfriend." Calm down, I just asked if that seat was taken!”

IWillIfHeWill · 03/05/2014 19:09

gotnotimeforthat

you aren't listening. he is your problem, not any woman. and if you have no problem with him, you have no problem at all.

SuperFlyHigh · 03/05/2014 19:20

OP - your partner is definitely flirting with the woman at work - maybe a tiny bit, maybe more, but he certainly IS talking, flirting with her, despite what you think. maybe he just thinks he's being friendly

All he has to do is IGNORE her, yes that's right, IGNORE HER. ignore her texts, e-mails etc or report them to HR as harassment. If he ignores her then she'll go away or stop especially if HR (even if she works there) get involved.

You're the one here who could get in trouble potentially - by ringing his colleague up and it sounds like threatening her!

Years ago when I was 17 and in my first job (small company) the Payroll Man used to chat to me and was friendly, not flirty, friendly. However he had a nutty deranged girlfriend (they split up) who came into our office, saw me on reception and threatened me, I think she shoved me. I had to be asked not to get police involved and accept an apology from her.

Guess who I think you're like?!

SuperFlyHigh · 03/05/2014 19:21

Oh and his girlfriend obviously heard about me (I think he told her about me - oh I work with Super etc….) and she got the WRONG END OF THE STICK.

McFox · 03/05/2014 19:25

IWill, why is he the problem? This may be first time I have heard a man being denigrated on MN for being both faithful and honest.

It sounds very much to me like you've had a terrible lesson from your mother - essentially women being encouraged by their mothers to try to shag someone's husband is ok in your eyes is it?! Would you teach your own daughter that? That is pretty low.

Miggsie · 03/05/2014 19:25

My DH has been chatted up several times while on business trips.
Once he ended up in a hotel that was running a training course for air hostesses and he was the only male guest there...that was before he met me.

He has also been approached in Sainsburys!!!! He was in his dressing like Lord Byron phase in a big floppy shirt and the lady asked if she could have his shirt...

However, whenever he has said he's not available the women have politely withdrawn.

I also had a boyfriend who was so good looking women would hand him their phone numbers - in front of me - yes, it does happen and it is bloody rude!!!!!! And he really was good looking - he got picked up in an art gallery, a cricket match, looking in a shop window - so it does happen, folks!

Anyway, yes pursuing someone who has a partner is rude and also self destructive I would have thought. It would piss me off, luckily DH and I are thoroughly middle aged so it doesn't happen now.

Thumbwitch · 03/05/2014 19:51

SuperFlyHigh - it seems the woman in question is the HR woman, so reporting her to herself wouldn't achieve much.

EurotrashGirl · 03/05/2014 20:15

I think a work colleague making unwanted sexual advances to another work colleague is a serious issue and should be dealt with by management. The woman in question might be in the HR department, but she surely has a supervisor.

BerylStreep · 03/05/2014 20:46

Being serious, sending someone from work repeated text messages asking for a sexual relationship when it has been made clear the feeling isn't mutual is sexual harassment.

This is not your fight to have, it is for your DP to manage. What he should have done is show the text messages to the MD and initiate the bullying & harassment procedure.

By failing to do it, he has left himself vulnerable that someone in an influential position, i.e. HR, could potentially make life difficult for him in the future.

If you do nothing else, make sure you get your DH to make notes about everything that has happened to date, and for him to keep the messages.

IWillIfHeWill · 03/05/2014 20:48

mcfox, you're another one who isn't listening. if he isn't interested in other women, he isn't a problem, the op has no problem. except that for some reason of her own she thinks women should 'respect' her for existing.

call my mother as much as you like, she's dead, she won't care.

McFox · 03/05/2014 21:25

What the OP said was that she thinks that people should have a bit more respect for each other all round, which seems like a much better life lesson than "go and throw yourself at whoever you want to fuck daughter, don't let trifling things such as honesty, faithfulness or family get in your way, you be as self-centred as you wish".

I certainly have a lot more respect for the OPs point of view than that one.

FreudiansSlipper · 03/05/2014 21:30

most of us on here will have been hit on more than once when we are in a relationship and the person doing so has possibly known

it is people trying their luck, I never ran home and told partner because it just was not important but at times has boosted my ego

if they carry in it is harassment which is something that should be dealt with but not by partner calling them up and laying claim over their man/woman

MistressDeeCee · 03/05/2014 21:40

This female work colleague...tetting an MM know he can have you on a plate- its hardly empowering and its not a 'right' I would waste time standing up for. Whilst men are important they aren't the be all and end all in this world. Where's her self-respect? Or is self-respect less important than being seen to be accepting of everything, an entitlement to do/act any way you like, even if its appropriate and uncomfortable for another person?

Some of this thread puts me in mind of the days when women would report sexual harassment from a male colleague and they were made to feel like crap, that they were in the wrong "no dear, you must have led him on in some way he couldn't have just started coming on to you".

Whatever the case with DH he has a case for sexual harassment re. this woman hitting on him, and that is what would be said on MN if he were a woman. & why shouldn't the OP be fed up with women hitting on her man? Its up to her. Women need to be called out on shit behaviour, just as men do. Why should a woman get away with inappropriate behaviour towards a male colleague, just because she is female?

The OPs reaction ie making a phone call, is wrong. But that doesn't make the woman's behaviour right, does it?

SuperFlyHigh · 04/05/2014 10:21

Thumbwitch - she'll have a superior - sounds as if she is a HR officer.

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