To loathe inverted-martyrism

[IsChippyMintonExDirectory]

Just a lighthearted-ish rant

I'm sick of hearing /reading people putting others down because they don't want to play superwoman or be a martyr

For example when I gave birth to DD I rested up for weeks because of a difficult birth and all I heard and read on another baby site that rhymes with baby tenter was things like "really, you rested?! After I had DS I leapt up, packed my hospital things away, sprinted home whilst simultaneously Breastfeeding and threw a party for 70 guests that evening." Have read it on a thread today about someone wanting rest after an operation.

Fuck the fuck off!! It's ok to want to relax sometimes and not be a friggin martyr about it all!

YY and frankly even formerly 'mild' conditions can become fucking dreadful when PG.

I glowed like an angel and glided though PG1.

With DD2 I had every minor complaint going - which messed with my eating and sleeping - the building blocks of a happy disposition.

I challenge anyone to go about all day with severe heartburn and indigestion, enjoy eating nothing, have every step become painful (SPD or whatever they call it now) and also get by on very little sleep (which was messed up by heartburn, SPD, DD1/toddler and XP's snoring).

Yes I was "only PG", but I'd be feeling stressed and rancid and grumpy going about my life like that at any time, let alone being PG on top. For months and months and relentless months ...........

But mustn't complain - I was only PG, not ill [grrrrr]

MrsDV

absolutely.
I hate that "pg isn't an illness" too, such a dismissive, uncaring attitude -just what a pg woman needs.

especially if she is ill as well as pg!

[still suffering from MS at 29 weeks emoticon]

Yep, I was really ill in both pregnancies. If someone has a stomach bug, they stay in bed and rest. Pregnancy for me is a 20 week stomach bug. Followed by a brief period of wellness before the stomach bug returns, accompanied by heartburn and insomnia. It's not possible to 'carry on as normal' and this is the reason I am stopping at two children.

I also hate the competitive going-to-work-when-ill.no understand some companies have terrible policies that force people to attend when ill but I hate the way someone will always post 'it's only a cold' when someone is describing a really horrible virus/infection/whatever and detail how they never take a day off sick, blah blah. What's the point of going in and spreading your horrible germs when you're too ill to be productive anyway?

I understand not 'no understand'.

jelly oh god I hate that when someone turns up to work mainlining lemsip maxs, snotting and coughing everywhere and making vile noises, spreading their godawful lurgies around the whole place and making out their virtuous and angelic

yeah, okay maybe if you have a bit of a sniffle you can soldier on ... but if any body fluids aren't the right colour, and definitely if anything is virulent green... get the hell away from me , you infested, plague ridden gobshite!! I DONT. WANT IT NEXT!!!

*they're

(spelling nazis are okay , mind)

Totally with you. I know someone who loves to tell the story about how she was collecting older children from school while already having contractions and in early labour. Drives me mad.

Arse lickers people I work with often say after coming in with illnesses before finally taking half a day off "I feel soooo guilty for going home sick."
Excuse me what? Guilty? WTF it's not your fault you're sick!
Of course they don't really feel guilty they just want to imply that they love their job and they're not a skiver, which is fine but don't set the standard that we should all feel bad for getting ill you utter twats

two

I think it's ok to tell that as an anecdote.
stuff like that happens.

it's when it is retold as an act of heroism/martyrdom/one-up-womanship (new word! ), a way of critisizing or putting someone down that it becomes tedious.

and if you have to listen to it frequently

Yes, what is the point of "millions of women have done it before you"? That doesn't make it easier!
I got called a martyr by my MIL for admitting that I was finding the transition to two children difficult and asking for help. She didn't seem to understand that the definition of a martyr is the opposite of this (i.e. her!).
Laughing at the " I don't do rest well" quoted earlier. Well how about dying of exhaustion? Do you do that well?

You made a very strong point, queenmab. Women simply had to keep going through pain, illness, injury, mental suffering - because there was no support; they were not expected to need support; they were censured & shunned if seen unable to 'cope'. Many lived horrific lives: some sporadically, and some permanently. But it was a woman's lot, so women spurred each other on with black humour and exhortations - like slaves & forced labourers everywhere.

Traumatised women lead to traumatised children. It's hard to break that pattern. I'm happy to see women choosing good health & self-respect today. The symphisiotomy torture campaign underlines how women were left to 'cope' - in their cases, with deliberate and painful mutilations.

When I was growing up - not in Ireland! - it was normal for women to choose a full hysterectomy as soon as they'd had two children. It was described as "getting rid of all that". Which kind of indicates just how much of a joy babies were for them :(

bat

Here you go- the blowjob after giving birth thread

She was a bit trollish, iirc, so I wouldn't take it as gospel...

You're only pregnant!!!

Yes, growing another human being inside yourself is so easy, there's no sickness, tiredness, moodiness, vomiting, bladder football, smells making you puke, going off food you've loved your whole life, skin stretching to allow for giant baby, constipation if baby puts his head in the way, accidental wees when baby kicks a full bladder, no sleep because baby decides to wake up and get hiccups as you lie down. Oh and labour, why do they call it that, it's not hard work. Just contractions, and contractions and contractions, and probably a bit more puke, some definite threatening of any menfolk. At the end the baby just poofs into existence. Through YOUR VAGINA, or a big old hole in YOUR STOMACH. Then everyone is so excited to see the baby, they forget your million stitches, no rest since about five months ago, boobs starting to turn into bowling balls of milk, the fact you just contracted for twelve hours.

Yep, pregnancy is not an illness. Pftt! And that's not even mentioning any of the complications you can have.

You can keep your kidney though

Aw, I was posting on that thread when I was 8 months gp with dd now 3.
I was not planning post natal blow jobs though

Loved seeing dittanys posts, so funny.

Just picking through thread and the blow job woman actually said - After my 3rd I went home and cooked a sunday dinner for the family plus visitors.......I guess i have loads of energy!

HA!

In the spirit of celebrating non-superhero achievements, though, I did some gardening yesterday. DC3 is 11 weeks old, and it was the first time since she was born that I've done any serious physical activity without my scar complaining loudly as a result. In fact after SPD during pregnancy, I haven't been pain-free for over 6 months, so I feel like dancing on the rooftops.

Anyone else want to share minor postnatal triumphs?:)