To loathe inverted-martyrism

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Just a lighthearted-ish rant

I'm sick of hearing /reading people putting others down because they don't want to play superwoman or be a martyr

For example when I gave birth to DD I rested up for weeks because of a difficult birth and all I heard and read on another baby site that rhymes with baby tenter was things like "really, you rested?! After I had DS I leapt up, packed my hospital things away, sprinted home whilst simultaneously Breastfeeding and threw a party for 70 guests that evening." Have read it on a thread today about someone wanting rest after an operation.

Fuck the fuck off!! It's ok to want to relax sometimes and not be a friggin martyr about it all!

I used to have a manager who would boast non-stop about how the only time she sat down at home was to eat her dinner. She did her ironing immediately after taking her coat off, and bustled about cleaning the rest of the night.

She seemed to think she was impressing me. Read a book, that would impress me.

cheers for link! or

zoe

that's lovely, good for you!
and congrats on new baby

I tell you what, the worst offender I've ever heard was some official bint on radio complaining about "ladies who have EMCSs because they just don't labour effectively"(you could hear the faux-sympathetic head tilt) "and we need to be telling them to use the proper labouring techniques, the breathing, that mean it won't be necessary"

Aye, breathing really would have helped my DD to unstick herself after thirty six hours of painful labour. Why they allowed that particular patronising female air time is beyond me. Bet she breathed her way through an appendectomy too.

And, er, breathe....

Thank you! Dd is amazing but my god am I glad I will never be pregnant or give birth again. Antenatal depression is so little talked about, in part because of the idiots blethering about how if they could climb Kilimanjaro at 8 months pregnant, then so should everyone else.

Bloody he'll yes, ds3,4 and 5 were born so close together. I'd actually forgot what it was like to feel well. Honestly, it was such a surprise a few weeks after ds5 was born to realize how bad idea actually been feeling physically and mentally.

Although I guess people might say it's my own fault for having them so close together

zoemaguire you left the gardening for 11 weeks?! When I had my DD I leapt off the bed when she was 20 minutes old, wanked the husband off for his amazing achievements in the birth process, strapped the baby on my back and laid new turf on our 50 acre garden in time for the ILs coming over for a home made curry banquet prepared by myself. You had it easy

In all seriousness, it was a while ago when I had DD but when she was 4 months old we got a 2-week notice that DH got some temporary work in America for about 3 months, and between us we managed to move out our house, get everything stuck in storage and arrange accommodation across the pond. ILs were fab and helped look after DD when we sorted this I think at one point I forgot what she looked like

Just remembered a corking example of inverted martyrism. One of my friends is currently very worried about a serious medical issue (urgent two-week scans, possible surgery, all a bit frightening).

Someone she knows helpfully commented that they had a similar diagnosis a year ago but didn't feel the need to tell everyone. Whoopee fucking do

PS love that someone has NC to ThisBitchIsResting

That thread is crazy, wtf is a bit fembot?

20 minutes? What kept you so long?

I love this thread and all the resting bitches on it!

Happy Lazy Friday!

I love this thread too!!

When DD naps I just get into bed with historical fiction and cups of tea Housework is for boyfriends!

I am pregnant but pretty sure I'd be doing this anyway

I find the PTA types are the worst for this.

Vlad, did the radio lady not understand the concept of emergency? That means there is no other way to get the baby out. DS was oblique and had a hand hanging through, but I suppose breathing would have made him turn.

And thank you for this thread OP. I am trying to internalise the mentality because I keep feeling guilty for resting.

terraria

I do solemnly declare that hereby I give you permission to never feel guilty again for resting or looking after yourself.
or for eating

nope, no guilt is allowed from this day forward.

Fuuuck there are some thick people out there, aren't there? "people aren't labouring effectively" - ha! "Breathe through it" - ha! again!
yes that would really have worked for my sister's DD - she had the cord 3 times round her neck, that was why the emCS was done, so she didn't throttle herself on trying to exit (actually my sis wasn't dilating properly, probably because her DD was bungy-ing up and down on the cervix rather than actually connecting properly with it!)

I amazingly escaped a CS with DS1, but only because I had all sorts of other interventions, including ECV (turning the baby), manual rupture of membranes and other nasty induction procedures. Breathing wouldn't have made a fucking bit of difference to the fact that I had a swimming pool inside of me, and that DS2 was taking full advantage of it to refuse to connect with my cervix at all, in fact he kept trying to swim away even after the ECV (done on the same day as delivery with full monitoring, I wouldn't have had it done otherwise).

I do remember after DS1 was born, I think it was 3 days later, I had this sudden urge to get up and go to the shop - I was up and nearly dressed when the HV turned up to see me and was completely horrified that I was considering it! Anyway, she needed to assess my feeding of DS1 (tongue tie, appalling latch, lotsa pain) so I had to get undressed again (I'd put on completely bf-incompatible clothes ) and by the time she'd left, I was suddenly exhausted again and had no idea what I'd been thinking! I still don't know where that sudden surge of energy came from, it fucked right off after that and didn't return for aaaages.

after having ds i kind of made a rod for my own back, running round making sure house was spotless, child was spotless, i was full make up, cake in the oven for visitors ect as listening to the storys from the other women at work that all seemed to be able to do this i felt like a failure

God love my mum who sat me down and said the trick to a clean you is dry shampoo and a baby wipe....a tidy house mean putting the sofa at a angle and hiding throwing everything behind it so you cant see, and pre bought cakes from m&s.
For the foorst few weeks as long as baby is clean, you have biscuits and toast in the house you will be fine, as soon as baby falls asleep get your arse on the sofa and tell the rest of the world to get to fuck

Just remembered with my first I tried to clean the house before the midwife came to visit and ended up so hysterical about the baby's feeding that I went back into hospital where they told me very sternly to relax, leave the housework and do nothing but sit on the sofa with chocolate ice cream whilst I fed the baby. It was very good advice! And as it was medically sanctioned, I felt no guilt whatsoever.

mother

is your mum looking to adopt?
I love mine, but boy could I do with the approach of yours!
so if she is happy to adopt a 39-year old (and gain 7 more grandkids) just PM me!

zing she would probebly love that

couldnt have got through the first few months without her, even now when ds is 5 she caomes round says he is coming with granny for a sleep over, here is a bottle of wine for you, run a bath get on clean pj's drink wine and watch a film in bed ....love her to bits

I am neither pregnant or a new mother and I am planning on having a nap when my clenaer has left. Because I'm a bit tired.

Do I win?

This bitch is resting

*cleaner