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Original poster

To loathe inverted-martyrism

256 replies

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 30/04/2014 15:58

Just a lighthearted-ish rant

I'm sick of hearing /reading people putting others down because they don't want to play superwoman or be a martyr

For example when I gave birth to DD I rested up for weeks because of a difficult birth and all I heard and read on another baby site that rhymes with baby tenter was things like "really, you rested?! After I had DS I leapt up, packed my hospital things away, sprinted home whilst simultaneously Breastfeeding and threw a party for 70 guests that evening." Have read it on a thread today about someone wanting rest after an operation.

Fuck the fuck off!! It's ok to want to relax sometimes and not be a friggin martyr about it all!

OP posts:
ssd · 30/04/2014 17:30

op

how the bloody hell did you rest up for weeks after your dd was born?

how is this possible?

have you got staff?

allhailqueenmab · 30/04/2014 17:33

When dd1 was about 6 weeks old her sleep settled a bit but I was shattered and resting whenever I could. I told my mum I considered myself lucky that she would sleep pretty reliably between about 9pm and 3am (meaning, between those hours, THIS BITCH IS RESTING). She said "Oh yes that is good, it means that you can do all those things you can't get to in the day in the evening". YEAH RIGHT. I am so going to "get to" all those dusty skirting boards at 9pm. Fuck that noise.

Elastigrrrl · 30/04/2014 17:36

Yes to nearly all the above comments.

I have no idea where anyone gets off judging a person for taking it easy now and then, especially after childbirth. It comes from a dark place, I imagine.

I'm 35 weeks with my first, feeling rather tired. Nap time. Problem (shortly) solved.

weebairn · 30/04/2014 17:47

Yes totally

I got lots of rest and support after birth which was lovely and I feel very appreciative and thankful. I also mostly enjoyed the newborn stage and recovered really quickly. I feel the two things were very connected! I would still say my DP does the lion's share of the childcare, though my job is more demanding than his.

weebairn · 30/04/2014 17:48

I breastfed by cuddling the baby for weeks while other people looked after me and did the house stuff and the nighttime cuddles/changes/other stuff. It wasn't martyrish at all. I wish all women could have such good support I'm sure it makes breastfeeding a hell of a lot easier

spatchcock · 30/04/2014 17:49

I've just remembered the email MIL sent me after I had DC2 by csection. She asked me how I was and I said I was a bit sore and trying to get some rest.

Her response:

"after a normal birth my experience was of having ice cubes in plastic bags stuffed in my knickers for the piles and stiches. Frozen cabbage leaves stuffed in my bra because they became like bricks and very painful, then I suffered with Carpal Tunnel afer DC2 and ended up having two operations on my wrists, but I still managed to get around, no rest for me. Hope that makes you feel better"

Now I laugh at the last sentence (yes it made me feel loads better, in case you're wondering) but at the time I had to sit on my hands.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 30/04/2014 17:50

YANBU

I had two c-sections with my boys. After DS1 I tried to do too much, ended up hardly being able to walk for a month, infected scar- horrible.

After DS2, I let my parents Mum and DH between them run the house and do all the nappy changing/toddler looking after etc while I rested and breastfed. I resumed 'operational control' about 8/9 days post-birth, but DS2 was a month old before I really pushed myself to do anything.

Much better Grin

Martyrdom is over-rated.

Ledkr · 30/04/2014 17:53

My dds ballet teacher tried to outshine me when we had our babies at the same time by c section.
Teacher. Not seen you for a while.
Me. Yes I had a section, been at home.
Teacher. I had a section and was back in the studio teaching a few days after.
Me. Well yes but I'm lucky enough to have a job that pays me to be off so I can take the time to recover and be with my baby.

gotnotimeforthat · 30/04/2014 17:59

thurlow i hear you i had hg for 7 months! a few 'friends' had the audacity to tell me i was over exageratting and that a little bit of sickness is nothing.

numerous hospital admitions and 1 1/2 stone weightloss tells me hg is not just a little but of sickness.

I also got critisised by my partner for not cleaning every day too when i was lucky if i spent just 30 minutes a day not throwing up. he seemed to think that the minute i stopped being sick i should of got the hoover out or started washing up.

IckleBird · 30/04/2014 18:38

gotnotimeforthat I'm agog at your dp expecting you to clean with your condition at the time.christ I hope you majorly chewed his head off.

Original poster
IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 30/04/2014 18:42

ssd I wish!

It was an attentive DH and a very contented baby until 4 months when she turned a bit evil and a complete disregard to the house being in a total state Grin

OP posts:
MrsMook · 30/04/2014 18:46

I had some stupid bint get all martyrish about being a radiographer wearing a lead apron in 3 pregnancies. This is something I wouldn't envy, but she couldn't understand why I saw being available for teaching work for half a term in the third tri after having no work in the second tri as a problem . Taking up standing is tiring at the best of times, let alone when Spd is taking hold (the lost horse walk was getting obvious at the time of this dispute ). A couple of weeks later I was on crutches which of course is a great aid to teaching. I knew home was the best place for my wellbeing and it was financially viable with no consequences beyond our household. Had I been a regular teacher, I would have been around breaking point, but at least would have adapted as the pregnancy developed. I stood no chance of being worthy of employment at that point.

I didn't leave the house for a month after my Vb as the Spd was so dreadful. I was more active after my emcs, and I was no spring chicken after that!

indigo18 · 30/04/2014 19:24

GPs minding SIX of your children, and still you are not pleased!! Heroic I think!

SuchSweetSorrow · 30/04/2014 19:40

I had HG when pregnant with my twins which resulted in having several stays in hospital and a fair bit of time off work. Some helpful comments from colleagues included 'my daughter has been ill with morning sickness but isn't weak so hasn't had time off work, she just gets on with it' and 'oh my pregnancy was so lovely, nothing like yours. I was still trampolining at 8 months.'

Oh and my favourite ' I was scrubbing the kitchen floor the day after my c-section'

I could hardly fucking move after mine but good for you Grin

hmc · 30/04/2014 19:44

Do you mean competitive martyrism? Yes, I hate that too.

Titsalinabumsquash · 30/04/2014 19:52

I hate this too, I was in a fucking wheelchair for goodness sake when I was pregnant with DS3, my pelvis separated completely and I was in agony, my obstetric consultant gave me a rousing

"I know it's tough dear but women have babies all the time and they don't require chairs for a sore back, can't you just manage a few more weeks at home with some paracetamol!"

It was only the fact I couldn't move that stopped me karate chopping her in the nose.

The nice nurse at our survey on the other hand tells me she give extra big bandages and dressings to hard working mums so people can literally see they need a break, she always follows up with a "you tell everyone that nurse X says you're to have plenty of rest" Grin

Original poster
IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 30/04/2014 20:03

Do you mean competitive martyrism? Yes, I hate that too.

Yes realised I cocked up the title after pressing submit hoping no one would bring it up Blush

OP posts:
Burren · 30/04/2014 20:14

I clicked on this thinking it was going to be a thread about saints that had inventive deaths, like St Peter being crucified upside down. Grin

parentalunit · 30/04/2014 20:17

Ha! Reminds me of the proverbial woman working in a field who nips off to give birth, returning 10 minutes later with the newborn baby slung around her, to continue ploughing the field. NOT BLOODY LIKELY. Ditto for childbirth without pain...utterly unrealistic! I think we should give a nobel prize to the person who invented epidurals, and campaign for "natural dental work". I don't think it would happen.

dannychampionoftheworld · 30/04/2014 20:22

It's quite fun to just be gleefully smug in the face of martyrdom. Wax on about how lazy/self-indulgent you're being, getting more and more extravagant, until they realise you're taking the piss.

Also, I'm stealing 'this bitch is resting' and 'fuck that noise'

BeCool · 30/04/2014 20:25

The first 6 months of dd1's life I was mostly supremely lazy relaxed.

It was fecking wonderful.

shadypines · 30/04/2014 20:30

I'm with you OP, yep and this bitch is resting too. Can't stand all this ' I climbed Everest a week after I gave birth' kind of shite.

It used to be the same when I worked in the health service, people would slog on all day and all you'd hear is 'ooh I've worked 4 x 12 hour shifts with no break' ( I am talking about people who did have an opportunity to take a break as there wasn't always an option when wards were busy) as if they wanted a medal. My opinion was 'well you're stupid, no wonder we never get any more staff if you are going to do this. Used to drive me insane!

weebarra · 30/04/2014 20:32

I'm having a double mastectomy in two weeks. Obviously, I not looking forward to it, but I'm relishing the idea of other people doing the school run. Admittedly I refused help a lot when going through chemo but that was jusy me being really fucking stubborn!
Clearly the best way to cure oneself of cancer is just to ignore it Hmm.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 30/04/2014 20:41

Obviously I can't compete with a CS, but when I had my appendix out and they hoicked out three feet of my small intestine (knocking my bladder loose in the process), my employers wanted me back after FOUR days.

Bearing in mind I could called upon to work up to 15 hours and move up to 23 TONNES of goods with a pallet truck, I told them I'd be back in six weeks. "But we pay you sick pay!" "Yeah, I'm quite glad you do".

HearMyRoar · 30/04/2014 20:42

When dd was cluster feeding I would spend weeks at a time doing nothing but sitting in bed with a laptop, spooks box set, water and loads of cake. Dh would go to work in the morning making sure I was all set up and then actually come home at lunchtime with sandwiches and coffee for me before going back to work for the afternoon. He also did all the washing and cleaning. He is lovely though :)