To loathe inverted-martyrism

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Just a lighthearted-ish rant

I'm sick of hearing /reading people putting others down because they don't want to play superwoman or be a martyr

For example when I gave birth to DD I rested up for weeks because of a difficult birth and all I heard and read on another baby site that rhymes with baby tenter was things like "really, you rested?! After I had DS I leapt up, packed my hospital things away, sprinted home whilst simultaneously Breastfeeding and threw a party for 70 guests that evening." Have read it on a thread today about someone wanting rest after an operation.

Fuck the fuck off!! It's ok to want to relax sometimes and not be a friggin martyr about it all!

Zing, esp when recovering from an EMCS and nursing a prem DS out of jaundice? He is fine now, but I am shattered. Mother, I am taking your mum as an example to follow when my children have children if they decide to have them.

I must live in a different universe to most of the posters on here as no one has judged me or intimated that I was a lazy cow after my C-section. In fact all I had were offers for help and repetitions of "take time out" and "get plenty of rest." Admittedly the stitches split a few days later and I resembled a scene from the film "Carrie" from my belly button down(!) but even before that everyone had been kind and caring.

I actually felt like I was a bit lazy at times but looking back I still think I did too much.

Maybe I am such a cow in real life that people didn't dare make such comments?

terraria

especially then!

two days after phase 1 of loft conversion was done and we moved back from PILs I had DS4 by ELSC.
he was jaundiced at 5 days, night spent in hospital, took a few days to fully recover.
then it was Christmas a week after and DS3 came down with chicken pox.
then I had mastitis on NYE.
then DS2& DS3 were back to playgroup and DS1 back to school, where he picked up a bug and him, DS2 and I were spewing it from both ends for days.
then mastitis again
then my mum (who came after Xmas for 6 weeks to help) fell ill and just as she was recovering DS3 poked her in the eye so trip to A&E.
at some point DH was ill too.

as a result of all of this (inc feeding in odd pisitions) I ended up with a severe pain & spasms in my left arm & shoulder.
needed weekly osteopath & sport massage but after a month I could put on my bra again!

it was a horrible, horrible 2 months in total (DS1 was only 5.5, DS3 was 3.5 and DS3 was 2)

I decided to never, ever feel guilty about not living up to anybody's expectations - that time taught me that sometimes you just have to sit with the chaos and just aim to survive.

also that was the time I wished I had a mother with mother's mother's attitude - in the midst of all this my DM decide to give me a bollocking about a basil plant in the kitchen that wasn't attended to properly and rotted away!

she saw what was going on, she lived in it yet decided to criticise me and tell me off for being "careless" & "lazy" and "wasting money".
Seriously?!
I can not explain the hatred I felt for her, I felt utterly betrayed.
I actually still resent her for the things she said, what she forced me to say and the horrible argument that followed.

she comes to help but ends up making me feel like utter shite.
she is supportive physically, but never emotionally - which almost cancels out the practical help.
It's really hard and I wish we could get on. she is martyr personified and I never want to be like that.

(sorry for long rant)

I haven't yet got out of bed today - do I win a prize?

Oh Zing, that sounds so upsetting. You will never be like that

Thanks Humphrey - I try my best!

(I guess I should be grateful for having examples of what not to do/say! )