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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this unreasonable?? IS IT?

151 replies

Scarletskies · 27/04/2014 21:20

Please wise mumsnetters, tell me straight.

DP and I are getting married in three weeks. So as not to drip feed, we have a err tenuous relationship with his DSIS who is very very highly strung and competitive.

DP's parents have a significant (but not massively significant) wedding anniversary a few days after the wedding- we'll actually be on our honeymoon. They haven't planned AFAIK to celebrate so STBH and his DSIS have been emailing about arranging low key family get together the weekend after we get back- great.

She's emailed this weekend and asked him to add a toast to their parents in his speech on our wedding day.

I think this is out of order and in fact it has angered me greatly.

AIBU??

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
emsyj · 27/04/2014 21:22

IME it is quite usual for the groom to toast his parents in the wedding speech so a quick mention (probably in the context of 'oooh I hope Scarletskies and I will be as happy and married as long as mum and dad' type comments) of the anniversary would be normal IMO.

YABU

StandsOnGoldenSands · 27/04/2014 21:22

Is it because she asked you or because of the idea itself ?

The idea itself seems lovely to me. Is it just her butting in and interfering in your eyes that annoys you ?

ICanSeeTheSun · 27/04/2014 21:23

Something small wouldn't hurt.

Like thank you for all coming to our wedding, I hope we follow in the footsteps of my mum and dad who is celebrating their golden anniversary. A huge congratulation to them..... Continue the speech.

yellowdinosauragain · 27/04/2014 21:23

Why does this make you angry? And what does your stbdh think? Personally I think toasting his parents long and presumably happy marriage during his speech is a lovely idea.

JuniperTisane · 27/04/2014 21:23

Erm... Wouldn't bother me in the slightest, in fact I would probably be the one to suggest it...

tak1ngchances · 27/04/2014 21:24

I think that's a lovely idea. YABU.

EverybodysStressyEyed · 27/04/2014 21:24

I would have expected your DH to be doing it already - it's a lovely gesture and a long marriage is relevant to the occasion.

Not sure why it is unreasonable

Purplepoodle · 27/04/2014 21:24

I think it's a lovely thing to do. Isn't it the norm to mention your parents in your speech and if they have been happily married a long time surely that would be mentioned too

tak1ngchances · 27/04/2014 21:25

Also if you say no you will look very childish and petty

ohforfoxsake · 27/04/2014 21:25

What's the big deal? Weddings are about families, love and marriage. If that's what he wants why would you not let him?

It might not be traditional wedding etiquette but I can't see why you would object.

Stop being precious.

milkysmum · 27/04/2014 21:25

I am sure it is massively significant to them even if not you! I don't think it is any big deal to add in this toast? Why are you so bothered?

Lorialet · 27/04/2014 21:26

Sounds like a lovely idea. Do you not like his parents much, or something?

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 27/04/2014 21:26

What ICANSEE said. I can't imagine NOT wanting to do that TBH, but I can imagine being irrationally irritated by the suggestion if the DSIL to be is pushy and has form for being a pain.

CoffeeTea103 · 27/04/2014 21:27

Yabu, it sounds lovely. Not sure what you are so upset about?

McFox · 27/04/2014 21:27

It's a lovely thing to do, and in fact we had a piece about how much having a marriage like my parents' written into our vows. I really cannot see why it's such a problem to you, it's seems very petty and childish to feel like that. Do you really need to be 100% the centre of attention that much?! Hmm

WooWooOwl · 27/04/2014 21:29

I don't think it's the sisters place to ask, but I think it would be a bit odd if the grooms parents had a significant wedding anniversary just after the wedding and it wasn't mentioned.

Your DH should have thought if it himself.

Why are you angry? Are you being a tad bridezilla perhaps?

ElectricalBanana · 27/04/2014 21:29

At my wedding we mentioned significant birthdays and anniversaries of that year ( we had quite a few). Made it all more of a family occasion. So here is my first YABU

ILoveFrogs · 27/04/2014 21:29

I think it's a lovely idea.... YABU!

LettertoHermioneGranger · 27/04/2014 21:29

YABVU. It's a lovely thing to do, and something you should have planned already. Are you upset that the sister suggested it or that some thirty seconds of the day the attention will be slightly away from you?

DenzelWashington · 27/04/2014 21:30

I think you and your DP should ignore where the request comes from and consider it on its own merits. Do it if you think it is a good idea, don't do it if you don't want to.

Original poster
Scarletskies · 27/04/2014 21:30

I'm annoyed because of course he would be thanking both our sets of parents in huge speech. We've got flowers for both our mothers. My parents also celebrate their anniversary later this year and he would say something along the lines of what you've suggested.

I think I am angered that she would think its her place to butt in and ask him to do it. Not suggest, ask - like she had to 'remind' him of it.

Maybe I am being touchy.

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 27/04/2014 21:31

Dont speeches normally thank the parents or at least mention it?

It really isnt a biggie, squash the rage and enjoy your day.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 27/04/2014 21:31

I think it's a lovely idea it just happened to come from someone you don't like so it's harder to see it.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 27/04/2014 21:32

It sounds nice. And I doubt his parents would think to ask for themselves, so seems natural his sister would mention it.

It's not a snub to your parents - why not mention both together?

PansOnFire · 27/04/2014 21:32

Oh stop being so precious. It's a wedding, a joining of families, why wouldn't your STBH mention their significant wedding anniversary in his speech? Loads of people mention the role models they've had in their parents and are lucky enough to be able to celebrate the longevity of their parent's marriage. Weird.