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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this unreasonable?? IS IT?

151 replies

Scarletskies · 27/04/2014 21:20

Please wise mumsnetters, tell me straight.

DP and I are getting married in three weeks. So as not to drip feed, we have a err tenuous relationship with his DSIS who is very very highly strung and competitive.

DP's parents have a significant (but not massively significant) wedding anniversary a few days after the wedding- we'll actually be on our honeymoon. They haven't planned AFAIK to celebrate so STBH and his DSIS have been emailing about arranging low key family get together the weekend after we get back- great.

She's emailed this weekend and asked him to add a toast to their parents in his speech on our wedding day.

I think this is out of order and in fact it has angered me greatly.

AIBU??

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Original poster
Scarletskies · 27/04/2014 21:32

*his speech.
I should add that I want him to just ignore her request, and get on with what he was going to say anyway.

OP posts:
KatieKaye · 27/04/2014 21:33

Sounds like a very nice thing to do -and she was asking, not commanding him. DSis isn't a mindreader and can't know what you have planned if you haven't told her.
Just accept she means well and probably thinks you are both very busy and is trying to be helpful.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 27/04/2014 21:34

Oh I see. DSL is always sending DH "helpful" reminders about family stuff like nothing would happen if she didn't sort it. it's annoying. Just get your DH to say "speech already taken care of on that front"

Backtobedlam · 27/04/2014 21:34

I'm guessing because of previous form this has annoyed you, however, out of this context it sounds like a great idea. On the day you'll be so relieved the nerve wracking ceremony is over, and so happy, you'll probably be sinking bubbles and wanting everyone to share in the love!

WooWooOwl · 27/04/2014 21:34

Is your parents anniversary also a significant one a few days after the wedding?

It seems pretty obvious that they will be celebrating one of their anniversaries at some point in the year!

Your DHs sister was just checking her brother had thought of it. It's not a problem, she is his sister! That won't stop when you become his wife.

Original poster
Scarletskies · 27/04/2014 21:34

Guys- I'm not complaining about mentioning his parents. He was going to mention both sets of parents, has planned this already.

I'm not telling him not to do it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scarletskies · 27/04/2014 21:35

Yep same anniversary.

OP posts:
MiloSimpson · 27/04/2014 21:35

From what I've read in the OP, this isn't about you and the relationship between you and his sister. I think you need to separate that from what would be a lovely thing to do for his parents.

I genuinely don't see the issue - I would have definitely planned it already/suggested it. I cant see how it impacts on your day in a negative manner. It'll be what, 10 mins at most out of your entire day but will mean so much to them I imagine.

I want to tell you to get over yourself but im not that rude

Lilaclily · 27/04/2014 21:36

Just reply 'thanks, we've got it covered' & think no more about it
You're probably stressed with the wedding & feeling extra sensitive
Thanks

HaroldLloyd · 27/04/2014 21:36

If his sister didnt know he was going to do it, I dont see whats so wrong about her mentioing it? Was the email worded in a partic. strident or bossy way?

Morgause · 27/04/2014 21:36

YABU - it's a lovely idea.

MiloSimpson · 27/04/2014 21:36

x post.

WooWooOwl · 27/04/2014 21:37

If he's planned it already, then how can he ignore his sister and say what he was going to say at the same time as saying what she's hoping he's going to say?

Confused
ginmakesitallok · 27/04/2014 21:37

You're being touchy

Cookiepants · 27/04/2014 21:37

I think you may be being a teensy bit touchy, but if you have a long long history I can sort of understand .......

StandsOnGoldenSands · 27/04/2014 21:37

This is between him and his sister then, right ? Is he bothered by this ? If not, what's the problem ?

EverybodysStressyEyed · 27/04/2014 21:38

i think you're being touchy

why even get involved - it's his speech an it was his conversation with his sister

foslady · 27/04/2014 21:39

If it bothers you that much send a reply asking if she really thinks you needed a reminder.....

TimeForAnotherNameChange · 27/04/2014 21:39

Yup, definitely touchy! Go have a Wine and try and see this rationally. Honestly, try.

Original poster
Scarletskies · 27/04/2014 21:39

itiswhatitiswhatitis- that's it. It's like what someone up thread said- that we're being so 'precious' about our day that we would forget about their parents and she needs to remind us.

What you want when planning a wedding actually comes pretty far down the list when you are want to ensure everyone enjoys the day, and that the union of your families goes smoothly. I've thought of everything, and I just wanted to tell her not to be so bloody... Righteous.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 27/04/2014 21:40

It's a lovely idea, but they're his parents as well as hers so it is a bit pushy, I suppose.
DH's (who has three sisters) usually has two of them reminding him whenever it's the third one's birthday and I find it really peculiar. They're all adults...

expatinscotland · 27/04/2014 21:41

Sounds like a lovely idea. You sound like a barrel of laughs.

Appletini · 27/04/2014 21:41

YABVU and quite controlling.

monicalewinski · 27/04/2014 21:43

I think YABU, sorry!

I would just say: what a good idea, you could mention my mum and dad's anniversary at the same time and congratulate both sets of parents with a toast.

It's really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

Original poster
Scarletskies · 27/04/2014 21:43

Thanks guys. I'll get back in box.

Think that was a bit mean expat. : (

OP posts: