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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this unreasonable?? IS IT?

151 replies

Scarletskies · 27/04/2014 21:20

Please wise mumsnetters, tell me straight.

DP and I are getting married in three weeks. So as not to drip feed, we have a err tenuous relationship with his DSIS who is very very highly strung and competitive.

DP's parents have a significant (but not massively significant) wedding anniversary a few days after the wedding- we'll actually be on our honeymoon. They haven't planned AFAIK to celebrate so STBH and his DSIS have been emailing about arranging low key family get together the weekend after we get back- great.

She's emailed this weekend and asked him to add a toast to their parents in his speech on our wedding day.

I think this is out of order and in fact it has angered me greatly.

AIBU??

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
RiverTam · 27/04/2014 21:44

perhaps she's asking not simply that you mention his parents (which he is anyway) but that you specifically mention they have a milestone anniversary coming up. And why not - the day is a celebration of marriage and commitment, and not just yours, it's a time to celebrate and reflect on all couples' commitment to each other.

Has your DP prepared a mention of the anniversary in his speech?

EvaBeaversProtege · 27/04/2014 21:44

Dh's parents celebrated their silver wedding a few weeks after our wedding.

My brother celebrated a big birthday the day after our wedding.

We mentioned & toasted the in-laws anniversary & brought out a cake for my brother.

Wouldn't have had it any other way!

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 27/04/2014 21:45

I really think you need to take a step back from this. It sounds like a normal enough thing to happen. I certainly can't see any harm in it.

Really just forget about it.

HaroldLloyd · 27/04/2014 21:45

I can see where your annoyance comes from but she might genuinely have not meant it in that way, as in she probably knows you are going to mention them but wanted to suggest you specifically mentioned this detail.

I bet you have enough to worry about so I would just quash this one.

Hpe you have a good day

EverybodysStressyEyed · 27/04/2014 21:45

i don't see why he couldn't just reply 'already on it' and that's the end of the story

if this is the biggest worry you have in the run up to your wedding you are very lucky! try organising a wedding when one set of parents went through an incredibly bitter divorce and hadn't seen each other for 15 years until that point.

enjoy your wedding and leave your dp to sort his dsis

ChineseFireball · 27/04/2014 21:45

I read it as the anniversary was already going to be mentioned but the DSis had taken it upon herself to "remind" STBDH. And the OP is miffed because she thinks the DSis is interfering in something that they already have covered. Is that right?

If so, then it's for you, OP, to think whether you would be similarly bothered had YOUR DSis, for example, or someone with whom you don't have negative history, done the same. If not then YABU because you're miffed that "she" has made the request rather than because the request was made.

I think. I'm confusing myself now.

TheNewSchmoo · 27/04/2014 21:45

I think you're being incredibly childish and quite unpleasant. Unreasonable doesn't even cover it.

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 27/04/2014 21:45

DH's sister has started, in recent years, to try it on with similar sorts of 'reminders'.

But her approach is to ring up two days after events and go: "I REALLY hope you REMEMBERED so and so's birthday" usually in some sort of snarky email.

Don't let her wind you up.

Montegomongoose · 27/04/2014 21:46

we have a err tenuous relationship with his DSIS who is very very highly strung and competitive.

Oh dear.

Is that how you see her?

Whether its true or not, you've got years of being related to her coming up.

I think you need to think about strategies to lessen the negative emotion you feel towards her or you'll have exploded with fury before your first wedding anniversary.

Try seeing it as her being positive and helpful.

Hope your day goes well.

TheRightToShoes · 27/04/2014 21:47

yabu its a lovely idea, you sound rather bridezilla

Newbiell · 27/04/2014 21:48

This is such a non issue. You were going to do it anyway. Just say that.

The fact that you are even thinking it is an issue makes you look rather bridezillaish.

Original poster
Scarletskies · 27/04/2014 21:49

Yeah he had planned a mention.

As I said it's not the mention it's the assumption that he needs to be reminded.

I don't think I'm being controlling, he said 'listen to what DSIs just sent', my reaction was to feel annoyed. Consensus is IABU which I have taken on board!

OP posts:
Beastofburden · 27/04/2014 21:50

You are understandably under stress and you already find this DSIS difficult. The two together mean you have taken her suggestion to imply that you would have forgotten to do it without her.

It's more likely she is just rambling on and putting in her two penny worth without really thinking much. She probably does it to everyone.

Don't take it so much to heart, and try not to care so much. You have many years ahead of you as a family, which includes her.

Have a great day.

Original poster
Scarletskies · 27/04/2014 21:51

How am I being unpleasant?

OP posts:
whattoWHO · 27/04/2014 21:53

Don't let it bother you.
Get STBDH to email her back and say that of course it is already in the speech.
Then get on with enjoying the run up to the wedding.

Original poster
Scarletskies · 27/04/2014 21:53

Yep she has been truly vicious in the past. Highly strung was being polite.

OP posts:
PotPourri · 27/04/2014 21:54

Seems like it's the sis that is bothering you, not the mention of hoping for a long and happy marriage like both sets of parents.

Try to step away from the sister and ask your hubby to refer to both parents. She is butting in. But so what. Just nod and say thanks for the suggestion then do what you want to do. I find this quite useful when dealing with butting in advice about parenting. Smile

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/04/2014 21:56

I'd just have your dp reply something like "great minds think alike, it's already sorted". And leave it at that.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/04/2014 21:57

I can see why it's rubbed you up the wrong way, given the general back story.

If my dp's brother did a similar thing I'd be silently grinding my teeth. We don't get on.

TheoneFKAMNwidowed · 27/04/2014 22:00

Absolutely brilliant, having to thank other people for falling in love and wanting to be together for the rest of your life. Weddings are ace, aren't they!!

Fizzybangfanny · 27/04/2014 22:02

OMG BRIDZILLA!

Fizzybangfanny · 27/04/2014 22:03

-->>>> missing E Grin

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 27/04/2014 22:06

A good reply would be "don't worry the bride to be has already made sure I've included it in the speech"

KatieKaye · 27/04/2014 22:07

People do forget things, OP and all she was doing was suggesting something that you had already planned to do, so why make a big deal out of it? You say that she is quite controlling, but you're giving the same vibe. Even the title of your post comes across as aggressive.

Original poster
Scarletskies · 27/04/2014 22:10

Well clearly Bridezilla has snuck up on me with 3 weeks to go!

My cheeks are already burning at the thought of being so much the centre of attention for that day already.

Your own wedding thread= AIBU baptism of fire

OP posts:
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