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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people are so often against co sleeping?

303 replies

pigluscious · 27/04/2014 19:07

Maybe I'm a silly lentil weaving hippy, but I really don't understand why people are so obsessed with getting little babies to sleep on their own, and to settle themselves. What on earth is wrong with rocking/feeding to sleep and then tucking your child in (following all the safety advice) next to you?
AIBU?

OP posts:
Thurlow · 28/04/2014 13:40

I agree, thebody - parenting advice is generally a fashion and it does change.

I only say this because I had the most 1970s baby going - in 2012. She hated baby-wearing, being fed on demand, sleeping anywhere near someone and baby-led weaning, to give a few examples. Gina Ford would adore her. I wasn't against any of these things (bar possibly the co-sleeping, but I bet I would have changed my mind sharpish if that was the only way any of us could get any sleep), I wanted to wear a sling, I wanted to try blw, she hated all of them. She wanted routine, quiet, her own space, and a spoon.

Twenty or thirty years ago I would have fit in with the current guidelines and probably could have been the smug parent talking up how wonderful all the new advice and the current parenting books were, while other parents whose baby wanted to be with them all the time felt they were the ones being criticised. In the 2010s, my baby's preferences go against most of the currently popular theories, and so I get to be called "unloving" because my baby was happiest in the dark and quiet in her own space at a few months old, not in the corner of the living room or in our bed.

Just like I've been told that if anything had happened to DD when she was asleep in her own room, despite us following the rest of the guidelines (cool room, swaddled in a proper swaddle wrap, on her back etc), it would have been my fault for not making everyone desperately unhappy for those 6 months by keeping her with me every second of the day.

Sorry - sometimes these comments touch a raw nerve Sad

thebodydoestricks · 28/04/2014 13:40

Giles I don't know but now they are teens I wish I had. Grin

What drama.

My dd thinks I am unloving to not pay for her to get another bloody piercing. If only she knew I shoved her into a cot in another room at 3 months she would probably phone child line! Grin

thebodydoestricks · 28/04/2014 13:43

dexter just asked my middle aged dh if he would fight off any other males wanting to mate with me? He is still laughing! Bastard!

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/04/2014 13:47

:o

My babies didn't listen either thurlow

Neither slept on backs, neither needed carrying around, and both were fine in their own beds. Disturbing eachother constantly just seemed daft when there was a perfectly good bedroom. although dd2 did stay in with us for a while because they share a room and were playing with eachother instead of sleeping

But if there had been a third bedroom dd 2 would have gone in it around four/five months.

It's called co sleeping -not co-keep mummy awak squirming and pulling hair all night :o

thebodydoestricks · 28/04/2014 13:47

Thurlow yes have listened to the baby you have.

That's the absolute essence of being a good parent not following someone else's view of what a baby needs.

Unloving my arse!! Stupid comments on here. Ignore.

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/04/2014 13:48

Needless to say when dd1 went away for a week dd2 had the bedroom :o

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/04/2014 13:49

Oh crap I shouldn't have said that Blush

Yes I let my dd go away at the age of four for a week with perfectly loving capable grandparents.

thebodydoestricks · 28/04/2014 13:52

I have no problem with anyone parenting the way they think works for them.

I have every problem with people espousing their way/mantra as the only good way to do things and criticising others choices.

That's nasty and undermining and on the most basic level ridiculous.

Thurlow · 28/04/2014 13:52

S'alright, Giles, one of my happiest memories of when DD was still a proper baby was leaving her overnight with my parents and going 6 hours early to the hotel where I was an evening wedding guest just so I could go to the spa lie on a bed in silence Grin

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/04/2014 13:53

:o

Sallystyle · 28/04/2014 13:54

I loved it. I co-slept with four of mine from day one.

I woke up the second they stirred and I would wake up the same position I started in, no rolling. On my own I toss and turn constantly but when I had my babies in with me I never once stirred.

I still sleep with my five year old most nights, although she starts in her room and comes into mine about 1.00am.

To me, it was just the most natural thing in the world to sleep with them. I also knew how to do it safely.

Bunbaker · 28/04/2014 13:58

"but then i also get cross with people who move their baby into their own room under 6 months as it just seems unloving."

Wow, just wow.

thebodydoestricks · 28/04/2014 14:00

Great but my dc2 just hated cuddles and our bed. Far happier in his cot just like dc4.

Dc1 and 3 loved cuddles.

I think it's really important to be baby led not philosophy led.

Sallystyle · 28/04/2014 14:00

Oh and sex has never been a problem.

I still don;t sleep with my DH now as he is on heavy meds and snores so we have separate rooms.

We still manage to have sex.

Sallystyle · 28/04/2014 14:13

I think it's really important to be baby led not philosophy led.

Absolutely!

My DD 4 didn't like co-sleeping so she went in her cot. My others settled much better in bed with me so that is what I did. I wanted to sleep with her because I enjoy it but she was happier on her own.

LiDLrichardsPistachioSack · 28/04/2014 14:41

Cosleeping works for us as a family, I love it and we all are well-rested over here.
I have friends who bedshare happily and friends who don't, also happily.
I would never get preachy about bedsharing and know it's not for everyone but it does wind me up when it is labeled dangerous.
James McKenna researches infant sleep and Cosleeping and I recommend checking him out to anyone interested.

drspouse · 28/04/2014 14:58

GobbolinoCat

I said generally they are crib sized - and maybe you were lucky to get one locally for that price - we got a Moses basket free*, and we couldn't fit a cot sized anything into our bedroom - so the price was a bit of a swaying factor.

So it was a choice between a free Moses basket, and buying a new expensive crib sized co-sleeper that would only do for about 4 months. No contest.

*Don't worry, we bought a new mattress!

Original poster
pigluscious · 28/04/2014 15:15

Further apologies for coming across as condescending, it's not my intention. body the reason I'm not responding to people disagreeing is because there are so many of you, and all I can really say is 'that's interesting, I hadn't thought of that'. I am irritated by the fact you keep suggesting that I'm bring holier than thou about the whole thing, and snitty comments about feeling I'm 'more in tune' etc with my baby are founded on nothing, I've not at any point said that I believe cosleeping to be more worthy than not cosleeping.

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2013 · 28/04/2014 16:18

I don't cosleep because of SIDS risk and my own fear of rolling onto/smothering my ds.

He's 22 weeks now and sleeps in his cot in our room. He likes his space at bedtime so he happily self settles.

GobbolinoCat · 28/04/2014 16:22

I think it's really important to be baby led not philosophy led

Y Y Y ^

drspouse

I think co sleepers are the way forward and yet there is little info about them out there....I just didn't want your post to put people off....Its all moses moses moses and they can cost an arm and a leg anyway.

The great thing about co sleepers if you look on ebay they all hold their value so if you buy a co sleeper on ebay your going to sell it for same price or slightly more or less.

Anyone who wants to co sleep but is worried or has had a section should get one.

Just going by my NCT group they were pre programmed into moses and spending a fortune and so much time and energy on travel systems they nearly all moan about and what a waste it was etc....and all complain of no sleep.

GobbolinoCat · 28/04/2014 16:25

buying a new expensive crib sized co-sleeper that would only do for about 4 months

All the co slepers are available all over, ebay, local papers, we got ours from preloved and so on.

drspouse · 28/04/2014 17:12

While I agree they are a lovely idea, especially for a high risk baby like ours, and I knew about them pre-DS, there are currently 8 on preloved, all in the SE of England, I did look on ebay local pickup but at the time there were none (and as we are due to adopt again I've looked again, there's one within 50 miles at £150!), we don't have Gumtree in our area, and I haven't seen a local paper with ads for about 8 years either.

So we went with the free (did I mention FREE) Moses basket which was within arms reach too.

Original poster
pigluscious · 28/04/2014 17:14

gobbolino I bought my cot from kiddicare for £50, removed the side and attached it to my bed. A very cheap option!

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 28/04/2014 17:19

oh gawd another born again smug parent of one teeny baby who thinks they have parenting cracked.

5madthings · 28/04/2014 17:20

Co sleeping cots can be bought cheap from
German Amazon, about £70 a few mnetters have got them this way, there was a thread about it with links.

They do look good and I would have bought one with my elder kids had I known about them but we just made do with our futon and a toddler bed next to it which is the same height.

Also you can make your own co sleeper cot out of a cheap Ikea cot, just Google for how to do so.

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