To wonder why people are so often against co sleeping?

[pigluscious]

Maybe I'm a silly lentil weaving hippy, but I really don't understand why people are so obsessed with getting little babies to sleep on their own, and to settle themselves. What on earth is wrong with rocking/feeding to sleep and then tucking your child in (following all the safety advice) next to you?
AIBU?

I expect people are keen on children self-settling and getting used to their own sleeping space because they fear ending up like me.

The whole SIDS thing in young babies fear that they will carry it on too long into their childhood causing sleep problems and 'bad habits'. I also think having a baby sleep in a bed is a killer for any kind of intimacy. I never really see this being raised maybe because parents are too knackered!

Maybe the Japanese have different beds and bedding.Aren't futons Japanese?

My babies don't seem to self-settle. They are not terrible sleepers but they don't just lie down and sleep however much I swear beg.

I don't personally like co-sleeping because I like my personal space but we do do it intermittently when ours are very little (ie less than 6 mo) just to get sleep.

Oh and we have a bedside cot. DS2 learnt to roll at two fucking weeks old right over into our bed and has never got out again.

I was going to mentioned the oddity of the Japanese example as well. The Japanese have a culturally different attitude to co-sleeping from the west. The name for it means something like being protected/sheltered between the two parents and frame it more in terms of teaching children the importance of others coming to your aid when you need them rather than learning to be independent in a room by yourself.

Until I used parenting sites like this one, I didn't know about the safe ways to co sleep. Most people I know that co sleep just put the baby in bed with them, duvet,pillows etc still in place.
Mine were all perfectly happy in their own space and all happily self settled. I didn't like the idea of co sleeping, would not have slept well myself and at the point of having ds1 the hospital had posters up warning against it and it was a definite no-no while in hospital.

Breastfeeding mothers have an instinct about where their child is and sleep more lightly than before. I put the cot at the side of our bed as you suggest OP (with one side down) but in practise ds slept in the crook of my arm and latched on to help himself whenever he wanted! I got a lot more sleep than my NCT pals who we're doing pick up put down at about 4 months to try to space feeds out. However he still sleeps with me now at 22 months! So sometimes it does lead to a long haul approach. Agree with your sentiment though OP. If you have the type of baby who doesn't self soothe at a young age it is way easier.

I slept in the spare room for 6 months, with DS in his basket beside me (on a stand) I was bfing on demand & it let DH get a good sleep.

I was terrified to cosleep, nodded off while bfing a couple of times & got an awful fright. Had nightmares about losing baby in the bed or smothering him, no idea where that came from!

I felt DS was close enough in his basket, he was such a light sleeper that he went into his own room by 7 months, as even me turning over in bed disturbed him!

So we all slept better, seperately.

Plus, if I'm honest...

I was put off by horror stories of ten year olds still in parent's beds...

So do you think that perhaps the problem with cosleeping is that we are not properly educated about it? I know that when I left hospital after giving birth the last thing the midwife told me to never EVER co sleep. As a result I didn't even put my DD down on my bed for the first month, she only ever lay in her Moses basket. I feel sad that I missed out on baby cuddles in bed in the early days!

I loved cosleeping. Makes me one about a 100 babies so I always do it but not good for my bank balance as I keep having more children!

Evidence was produced last year linking co- sleeping and SIDS - away from my laptop at the mo so can't link.

I am not really against it but it just didn't work for me when they were babies. I couldn't sleep with them next time; I couldn't breastfeeding lying down and I just wasn't physically comfortable.

Not just breast feeding mothers smug formula feeding mothers also have that instinct Penelope.

For me it was the risks. It was just something advised against at the time.

Plus both mine slept well in their own space and are wigglers so I'd spend al night being kicked the shit out of getting even less sleep than if I'd put them down.

And tbh I like my own space and time. I kissed and cuddles and played all day the idea of being wedged between a wriggly baby and a snoring do filled me with dread.

My babies got fed if they needed it but then straight back to bed.

mrspatrickdempsey I'd be really interested to read that info, I have terrible SIDS related anxiety. I used to use an angel care monitor, and the desire to have that on over rode my desire to co sleep, but I discovered that the snuza monitor works when co sleeping so haven't looked back

It's all a matter of choices, safe cosleeping is the best and safest choice for some, especially for babies who just won't sleep on their own no matter what...

My baby hadn't read any of the books I had and he refused to agree with the advice professionals had given me (& that I felt sounded very right).

From the moment he was born he had no intention of being anywhere but in my arms or on my chest. It was killing me - the exhaustion and anxiety. I had to cosleep, though was a struggle to even get him to sleep within safe cosleeping guidelines. I could never relax even when asleep as I was terrified he'd have a fatal accident. no pillows or duvet on the bed, no dh as he slept too heavily, erghhhh.

I bought a hammock off a kind mumsnetter and got him to sleep in that for 45m at a time. I remember how much I rejoiced about a whole 45 mins - God how depressing looking back, but at the time it was amazing!

And listening to everyone saying how their baby started to sleep through at 3, 4, 5 months... Mine didn't until over 3 years old.

So at about six months, I had to relax and cosleep as safely as possible, but with me actually letting myself deep sleep not fighting it all the time.

It wasnt what I'd have chosen, but it was that or go stir crazy. Looking back I have no idea how I got through it, but I guess I didn't have a choice. He had bad silent reflux and now I wouldn't have let professionals fob me off, but hindsight is 20:20.

Now at 3, ds still creeps into my bed but now I'm not worried by it - just bloody uncomfortable, star fish sharp toe nailed evil child sleeper grrrr :)

When tiny (less than 5lbs) DS2 was a couple of weeks old, DP brought him to me in the night to be fed, I hadn't woken up properly and nodded off sitting up a bit against my pillows (had no intention of co sleeping but was very anaemic and finding it hard to stay awake) once he had latched on, I woke up in the morning with no memory of this, thought DP had put him back in bed and went to his crib to find him not there, I freaked out as he couldn't be seen on the bed.

Turns out I lost him in the bed, I found him half way down the bed, under the duvet... He was fine but I have no idea how long he was there and it gives me nightmares thinking what could have been.

I'm not against co sleeping and do it in the mornings or if DS2 wakes up in the night (10 months now), I do understand why some might be against it though as they may worry about losing the baby in the bed.

I wonder what cave-women did.

I am fairly certain they co-slept, rather than settling their babies into a 'cot' in a different room in the cave...

I am guessing it is natural, as mammals, to sleep with your young. But we have evolved so far away from understanding how to do it safely. Which is probably kind of sad for human babies.

Blimey when I had my DC co sleeping was a must - I co slept with both of mine - no DH =Bliss .
Just me and the Dc - even bedded in by the midwives after both births.
I do think BF mothers are more attuned to their babies so shoot me

As far as I know the statistics for deaths and co-sleeping are flawed as co-sleeping (in the studies) is deemed to be falling asleep with your baby, circumstances are not taking into account at all.

I also though that (safe) co-sleeping was a factor in preventing SIDS as proximity to your breathing/heartbeat helps regulate babies, plus you notice they are not breathing faster.

www.mumsnet.com/reviews/nursery/cots-cribs-cotbeds/9963-arms-reach-universal-co-sleeper-bedside-cot

This has been an amazing life saver, I hope in future, not too far away more mums wake up to the value of these co sleepers, they are the best the absolute best^ of both worlds.

Sadly it seems pram and travel system ads weigh out these cots one's. I just remember the bliss in hopstial when I had a co sleper and the hell coming bac to a moses by bed...then I found these!

Maybe I'm a silly lentil weaving hippy, but I really don't understand why people are so obsessed with getting little babies to sleep on their own, and to settle themselves.

I don't think that people are obsessed. I certainly wasn't. I made an educated choice following the guidelines and allowed my three to settle themselves in their Moses baskets.

Are you looking for people to help you justify your choice?

I would never co-sleep due to suffocation and SIDS risk. I either rock my baby to sleep or allow him to fall asleep at the breast and then transfer him to his Moses Basket.