To wonder why people are so often against co sleeping?

[pigluscious]

Maybe I'm a silly lentil weaving hippy, but I really don't understand why people are so obsessed with getting little babies to sleep on their own, and to settle themselves. What on earth is wrong with rocking/feeding to sleep and then tucking your child in (following all the safety advice) next to you?
AIBU?

It's still not as funny however about people who start threads about something they discovered worked , by accident (ie fell asleep with the baby) and suddenly are far more "intune and responsive" to their baby.

News flash, baskets/cots are nearly always right by the bed anyway,all this superior talk is over a few inves or a cot side

Those who don't co sleep, and who dare formula feed have the same instincts as everyone else when it comes to their baby.

A few inches

so is a co sleeping cot the same as when we put the cot next to the bed and took the side off?

They look like that but a) they are generally crib sized (so smaller and they might just squeeze in between bed/wall) and b) they are made to be adjustable to the exact height of your mattress and to have no gap that a tiny baby can fall down. Oh and c) not all cots are physically stable if you take the side off but co sleeping cots are.

And they are v pricey!

I have friends who do it and it's definitely not for me. I'm the world's lightest sleeper (think eye mask, ear plugs and blackout shades) and I was relieved when DS1 went into his own room at six weeks.

DS2 went into his own room at two weeks, as he is a prize grunter, and even with all my sleep accessories he was keeping me up.

I bf DS1 until he was 19 months and plan to feed DS2 a similar amount of time, so breastfeeding on demand doesn't necessarily have to mean sharing the same sleeping space.

Sorry, DS1 was six months into his own room, not six weeks.

The older my child gets, the more I am realising that most of their personality, habits and traits, even the nice ones like currently eating and sleeping well, have sod all to do with anything we've done and are pretty much just luck of the drawer

I'm more.confident as a parent to my child as time passes. I am, however,.far less confident about advising other people to just do anything we've done as I can see that we probably just randomly stumbled across something that our baby liked.

I have an awful sleeper - co sleeping saved my sanity. Done safely of course. we have tried everything - and I mean everything every few weeks trying again and again to get him to settle in a cot - he's 18 months now. and no avail. he makes himself sick with crying - and its worse if a parent is in the room. But he was a velco baby - we only started co sleeping at 7 months when 7 months of 2 hourly waking took their toll and dp and i were about to kill each other with sleep deprivation and I was soon to go back to work.

I think its each to their own - after an hour of crying and ds not settling will not stop crying in a cot unless lights are on fully - ( he will cry for at least 10 minutes after we take him out the cot panting and coughing he is that distressed).
With my son i think i would prefer him to be in bed with me than that upset but other parents might have more resolve than me.
but then i also get cross with people who move their baby into their own room under 6 months as it just seems unloving.

I had mine in the bed with me since they were little and they still come in when they want, DD2 is in every night at some point and DD1 about twice a week.

We are all happy about it and we all sleep well, luckily we have a big bed! I love snuggling up with them and there will be a point when they wont want to come in any more.

Luck of the drawer? Ffs. Draw!

Bedside cot is probably safer than your bed, yes, because on 3 sides it's got wooden sides so they can't fall out of it, they can't roll into a gap between the bed and the wall, and it's easier to keep pillows and blankets away from them and also an adult can't physically fit into the cot.

But really we are talking about tiny statistical risks which you can reduce by being careful and using common sense. You're probably more likely to be involved in a car accident with the baby in the car. Yet I see a lot of people using car seats incorrectly or not understanding how certain things work with them etc. It's about relativity. Humans are bad at understanding and assessing risk. A movement monitor, for example, unless your baby is premature or has sleep apnoea or other medical reason to use one, is more likely to cause anxiety and a false sense of security. There's no evidence that they prevent cot death.

There's a whole other sleep argument Thurlow Stick em in a drawer!

Bedside cot is probably safer than your bed

It is safer than the bed, and when your so tired and need to transfer, instead of having to sit up, and lean over and drop into a moses, all you have to do is move to the side! So when your tired, you know all you have to do is one simple manourve...and more likely to carry it out.

The baby is totally in its own space the cots come with stuff to attach them to the bed!Can you imagine if babies where dying if not! They are totally safe. And close to the parent to help regulate breathing when new born.

They look like that but a) they are generally crib sized (so smaller and they might just squeeze in between bed/wall) and b) they are made to be adjustable to the exact height of your mattress and to have no gap that a tiny baby can fall down. Oh and c) not all cots are physically stable if you take the side off but co sleeping cots are.
And they are v pricey!

No they come in all sizes, look at the

www.ebay.co.uk/sch/i.html?_trksid=p2050601.m570.l1313.TR0.TRC0.H0.Xarms+reach+co+sleeper&_nkw=arms+reach+co+sleeper&_sacat=0&_from=R40

They are pricey new but nothing compared to what people spend on travel systems they then moan about?!

We got ours for £70 from local paper.

Some moses baskets cost more then this, but my sanity and need to sleep was priceless, for £70 ? No brainer.

We had to loose some bed side tables.

I 50:50 co-sleep now - in bed with DH til c.3am, then transfer to crack-den style double mattress on the floor in DD's room (she is 2.9) when she wakes up, otherwise she will get up for the day and start dicking about.

I quite like it - plenty of time for shagging and I get lovely cuddles from DD. The time she wakes has been getting later and later so we are probably on our way to her staying in bed all night, and while I am looking forward to my first in disturbed night's sleep in 4 years (also co-slept with my DS), I will miss those snuggles.

I think there's a lot of incorrect information about sids and co sleeping. If you follow unicef guidelines it's just as safe as a cot and there's evidence that being close and hearing mum's heart beat actually helps to regulate baby's breathing.

My twin sister died of sids - she was in a cot. I co slept with my own twins (dh and I had one each). Dtds were far more content than dd1 who I put in a cot and sleep trained dtds were happy to self settle in a cot from 3 months old in the day time and were in cots from 6mo as it's where they settled best. To me, animals have babies and they sleep with mum so I don't get the need to separate babies from mums as humans. When we don't have babies in our bed the cat sleeps on it - never rolled into her so why would I roll on my baby? I would never criticize others but I have been criticised myself. Just as well I'm thick skinned.

are people actually attacking your parental choices or is it that they are choosing their own way rather than yours - if it's the first and you have been berated for your choice then yanbu - if it's the latter then yanbu.

I cosleep with my 3 yr old - now part time as he spends some nights in his bed next to me on a mattress on his floor - some nights he is in with me - he is naturally starting to choose his own bed- but this isn't right for everyone.

We all go our own way and 99% of us will end up with happy healthy dc who go to bed, go to school and grow up in to adults. Some of us may not be so lucky and occasionally that might be down to parental choices unfortunately - all you can do is make as much if an informed decision as you can - there are risks associated with each choice at each stage.

pigsorry to have teased you but really some if your comments here have been very patronising. Many posters have pointed this out to you.

I strongly advise you tone down your stance that you can't understand why other parents don't do what you doin real life. Especially if you go to baby/toddler groups or you will be mightily unpopular.

You have one small baby and it's great that you have found a way that suits you.

But let me break it to you gently.

just because you do it makes it right just for you and not necessarily the rest of the world

Yes, mother, criticism doesn't get anyone anywhere and I wish people wouldn't do it, it's not helpful or supportive.

But I'm going to be an absolute criticism after that statement and say, Andcake - i also get cross with people who move their baby into their own room under 6 months as it just seems unloving

Because that's it, isn't it? Any parent to makes the decision to put their baby in their own room is doing it purely because they don't really love the baby. That's what's really at the heart of it.

I'm almost tempted to ask what else other mothers do that is unloving?

Each to theit own. Do what suits you. Neither strategy is 'better' than another and different things work for different people!

We have co-slept with our five as its what worked and we liked it. My instinct or gut feeling was to keep baby close.

We have a futon so it's low and has a very firm mattress, it's also very big and we have a toddler bed next to it if more space is needed.

My mum couldn't cope with the idea and was convinced dp and I would split up... Ie he couldn't be getting any sex so would leave... 15 yrs later and we have five children and she has stopped mentioning it, if anything she probably wishes we had less sex/children!

I don't care what others do, I do what works for my family, if anyone asks I explain and tell them about WHO safe sleeping advice and what has worked for us.

Andcake unloving bit of a judgy pants there arnt you.

Love supportive threads that give each other information and share experiences but what's with the judgy comments?

What works for one baby doesn't necessarily work with another.

My first baby loved cuddles, my second did not. He would not settle cuddled or bf but only in his cot.

My others were different too.

If you follow any parenting fashion you are actually doing just that just for you, and not necessarily listening to your baby.

Unloving? seriously? Sooo unloving when they need some space and some sleep without being disturbed by snoring dps or when someone gets up to go to the bathroom and sleepily knocks into basket.

How big are these houses that babies are just so far away from parents you feel they are abandoned

To me, animals have babies and they sleep with mum so I don't get the need to separate babies from mums as humans.

Also animals make their offspring leave the home as soon as they are independent/sexually mature. Are you going to do that? Does your DH have to have stand -offs with other males who want to mate with you? No because we aren't animals and we do things differently!