Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to pay to go to a baby shower?

109 replies

cantlivewithoutdom · 24/04/2014 22:38

A friend of mine has two sisters, both of them are organising a baby shower for her. They have sent the invite out (via Facebook) and are requesting that we all give money to them (on the day or before) to pay for the costs.

I'm assuming this is the cost of the food/drink because it's being hosted at one of the sisters houses.

Now I wouldn't mind in the slightest if they said please could you contribute by bringing food with you, but I think asking for money and then probably expecting you to turn up with a gift is rather crass?

OP posts:
SantanaLopez · 24/04/2014 22:39

So they're effectively selling tickets? Soooo tacky!

WooWooOwl · 24/04/2014 22:40

I think it's crass too. Especially when done on top of an event that's very existence is crass.

Be busy that day and give your friend a baby gift in the normal way when you meet the baby.

SirChenjin · 24/04/2014 22:42

Oooh lovely, a baby shower thread Grin

Baby showers are, by their very nature, hideous, horrible things that deserve to be put in Room 101. Do not go - send your apologies and then buy a nice gift to give to the baby once it has actually arrived.

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2014 22:42

Jesus, baby showers are crass enough without adding that extra element of crassness.

YANBU at all.

pinkie1982 · 24/04/2014 22:43

Similar to what I was thinking about a family member. She made a Facebook event for her own baby shower. It's called 'Betty & bobs baby shower' (not real names). Her and her OH are hosting their own, they have hired a whole pub for an afternoon/evening with entertainment and now asking for food donations.
Invited over 70 people, male & female.
Greed?

EverythingCounts · 24/04/2014 22:46

70+ people? Many folk don't have that many wedding or christening guests. Baby showers are not a development I welcome. Having said that, I haven't actually known anyone who's had one yet.

drnoitall · 24/04/2014 22:47

I have never liked the idea of a baby showers because to me it seems greedy and full of assumption that everyone had to give a gift. Why??? It's not everyone's baby!
Be busy, oh so very busy.

Mintyy · 24/04/2014 22:52

Op, you just need to decline:

Dear Sisters,

Very sorry but I can't come to the baby shower. Hope you all have a fab time!

Much love,

can'tlive

littlegreengloworm · 24/04/2014 22:57

Agree with mintyy

HandragsNGladbags · 24/04/2014 23:02

I am having a baby shower tomorrow night - for DC3.

Well that's what my friends have called it, it isn't. It is an excuse for them to get drunk and share again their birth stories with me, while we chat and eat take away.

That is the only acceptable baby shower imo.

I have paid out for one at a very posh afternoon tea for a friend, but she didn't know and is lovely and I didn't mind. I never felt under any obligation to go though.

lilypie13 · 24/04/2014 23:06

I'm throwing my sister a baby shower for our close family and some of her friends , I would never dream of asking anyone for money or donations. You wouldn't do that for a birthday party do why a baby shower ?

Op YANBU Smile

HauntedNoddyCar · 24/04/2014 23:07

Agree with Mintyy and Handrags.

Find yourself busy. Send gift after birth.

Patchouli · 24/04/2014 23:10

I think many people who hold baby showers probably have a distorted view of manners anyway.

RedRoom · 24/04/2014 23:15

I've only been to two but they were awful! I thought they were really grabby and indulgent events, with the whole 'party' revolving around the gifts bought. I'd be embarrassed to host a party in the expectation of receiving presents. I certainly wouldn't want to pay to attend another one. So, I'd tell them I was busy and, if you want to and can afford to, buy a present and give it in person when the baby is born, rather than when your gift is being competitively eyed up by other guests and the host.

BackforGood · 24/04/2014 23:18

This
I think many people who hold baby showers probably have a distorted view of manners anyway
Love it ! Grin

I would certainly just decline the invitation, even before the mention of paying for it was mentioned.

Dumplings4ever · 24/04/2014 23:29

My definition of a Baby Shower -- "I've had sex, I'm pregnant NOW GIVE ME GIFTS!!!"

Bloody hate them - so grabby and greedy.

Friends of the mum-to-be will give gifts as, and when, they see fit.

Baby Showers are a vile American intrusion - sadly, as with teenage proms, they are here to stay.

My advice - stay away and give a gift when you decide to xxx

sugar21 · 24/04/2014 23:30

Just decline say you are going somewhere, baby showers are gross. I was dragged to one last month, Jesus you'd thought she was the only woman on earth to be pregnant. Even passed round her ante-natal notes. Smug bitch looked down her nose at a few of the gifts as well. hope she has a long and painful labour. ha ha no I don't like her

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 24/04/2014 23:36

I was thrown a surprise baby shower by family members and hated it! I felt awkward when I was given gifts, with everyone staring at me as I opened them. I felt like a twat during some of the games. Then to top it all off my aunt had a major tantrum towards the end about fuck all!

If I could go back in time I would make it very clear that baby showers are not my thing! But apparently that makes me boring!!

WhoAteAllTheEasterEggs · 24/04/2014 23:37

Never got the point of baby showers. Seems like yet another Americanized twee pile of crap fest to me.
To tell me that I was expected to pay to go to one of the feckers would probably tip me over the edge, ranting incoherently about cheeky grasping biatches and then see me breathing deeply into a paper bag. Grin
This coming from a mum of two.

MrsKoala · 24/04/2014 23:41

The only baby shower i have attended was one i organised for my friend. She was the first of a group of us from primary school to have a baby and we knew our days staying up drinking and dancing were over. So i wanted to mark the occasion. I asked her if she would mind. She was very surprised and wanted to make sure it wasn't a presenty thing. It hadn't even occurred to me to expect people to bring gifts. I knew i wanted to give her something but no one else was expected to. We had male and female attendees, a bbq, drinks, dancing. I gave her a gift, a couple of friends had also brought small things but most hadn't. We had no stupid party games or anything. It was just a nice celebration. Oh and she bought me a gorgeous bunch of flowers to say thank you. It was lovely.

When i had DS i didn't have one as i didn't have any friends by then to throw one or attend :(

But the baby showers i read about on here sound fucking terrifying. Nothing like i imagine a nice celebration to be.

ChickenMe · 24/04/2014 23:41

Agree its vile. Cash

ChickenMe · 24/04/2014 23:43

Cashing in. To me, if someone I like has a baby I buy them/the baby a little gift once the baby's arrived. Why should you pay for this party?! Aren't they decent enough to provide a bit of food since they are the hosts? Rude.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 24/04/2014 23:46

Wow.

That's beyond tacky.

Why aren't they embarrassed by their behaviour?

And quite frankly, if you can't afford to pay for a few sausage rolls and a bottle of Tango then don't host a fucking party.

YouAreMyRain · 24/04/2014 23:47

To want a baby shower is just attention seeking.

To actually have a baby shower is tacky and ridiculous.

To ask for people to pay to attend a baby shower is just bloody downright fucking wrong!

(and I am speaking as a recently pregnant mother of a small baby)

Noappointmentnecessary · 24/04/2014 23:47

If they want to have a party then they have to pay END OFF!!!