to not want to pay to go to a baby shower?

[cantlivewithoutdom]

A friend of mine has two sisters, both of them are organising a baby shower for her. They have sent the invite out (via Facebook) and are requesting that we all give money to them (on the day or before) to pay for the costs.

I'm assuming this is the cost of the food/drink because it's being hosted at one of the sisters houses.

Now I wouldn't mind in the slightest if they said please could you contribute by bringing food with you, but I think asking for money and then probably expecting you to turn up with a gift is rather crass?

That's what we were doing, meeting up because x is having a baby so will likely be waiting for the stitches to heal for 2 weeks a bit preoccupied until things settle down.

Anyway, I'm not trying to convince you to like something you don't. If I got January's invite above I would be really annoyed and that sounds like my idea of hell. Like hen nights, I loath the whole "matching teeshirts, expensive city break, bride in veil" malarkey but some people love it and I've really enjoyed hen nights which weren't like that at all, just a groups of people meeting for a meal and normal blether in the pub. It doesn't stop me thinking that it could be the former every time I get an invite and starting to formulate my excuse.

I've never been to a baby shower, but they sound like a lovely idea.

I don't see the problem with everyone chip[ping in, either. The organisers are organising rather than hosting (or at least that's how I see it).

I think proms sound lovely too

I don't understand the British (English?) feeling that whenever anyone organises something like this, that they're on the make/entitled/grasping. Maybe they, y'know, want to facilitate something nice for a friend

I like hen dos too

If one is too lavish and I can't afford it, I don't go. I'm not going to stop anyone else from jetting off to wherever to wear L-plates and have a blast, because I'm not a mean spirited, sanctimonious old spinster of this parish (well I am the last bit).

Johnny I disagree, in that case if I were the op I would not go

No-one's 'stopping' anyone - how exactly would you do that anyway, lie down in front of them and hold onto their ankles?!

But this is an AIBU, so in the spirit of the thread most people on here have read the OP and gone - hell no, YANBU

Aero I am pretty much in a minority of one on this, I know It's like that "Charging for Christmas Dinner" AIBU from a few years ago.

SirChen the "stopping" is in the prevailing (on MN at least) attitude that hen dos and the like should be frugal affairs and that organisers of events should cover the entire cost themselves. I've been to lots of parties for example that simply would not have happened if the organisers had felt obliged to pay for the whole thing - to me everyone contributing is a nice thing. I'm grateful to the organisers for putting in the legwork and happy to contribute financially.

And others aren't grateful or happy....

This doesn't mean they are wrong, or mean spirited, or sanctimonious, it means they simply hold different opinions.

Indeed, SirChen.

Although I do think it's mean spirited when people say stuff like "if you can't afford it, don't host". If it's a choice between something not happening because nobody can shoulder the entire financial side, and people being asked to chip in, I'd rather the latter.

Also, with something like a baby shower, everyone chipping in makes it more of a group effort. Surely that's a nice thing

I organised a friend's 40th with her partner. We had a band - who were ace. The look on her face when they appeared was priceless and the party was much better for the band playing. There is no way the two of us could have paid for that alone. Were we cheeky and grasping when we asked all the guests (in advance) if they could contribute £5?

No, I don't think it's necessarily grabby to ask people to chip in - providing that you are all happy to do so (as opposed to feeling under pressure to do so, but don't want to run the risk of appearing churlish), and that the sole purpose is not to get people to come bearing gifts. I'm presuming, for example, that the 40th party was held in a hall somewhere and you bought your own bottle - so keeping the costs down in other areas means that asking people for a fiver doesn't impinge much on finances. Plus, of course, celebrating 40th birthdays are a long recognised tradition here - if you threw a party for someone's 37th, for example, and asked people to contribute you'd probably find quite a few people were 'busy' that night.

The original definition of a baby shower is to shower the pregnant woman with gifts - so throwing a baby shower and asking people to contribute to the cost when it's obvious that you're really just looking for gifts is grabby.