to not want to pay to go to a baby shower?

[cantlivewithoutdom]

A friend of mine has two sisters, both of them are organising a baby shower for her. They have sent the invite out (via Facebook) and are requesting that we all give money to them (on the day or before) to pay for the costs.

I'm assuming this is the cost of the food/drink because it's being hosted at one of the sisters houses.

Now I wouldn't mind in the slightest if they said please could you contribute by bringing food with you, but I think asking for money and then probably expecting you to turn up with a gift is rather crass?

I wouldn't go to a tacky baby shower like that. If you are hosting a party then you pay to feed your guests, if you cant afford to do this then dont host a party. In effect, they want you to pay them to host a party & also provide a gift.

Grabby & tacky.

Classless invite to a vile Grabby party. They want to hold the crass event....they should pay.

Ugh, a friend did this to me too. $20 for a hamburger and fries (gourmet styles). If you can't afford to host. Don't!

I had a baby shower, of sorts. I invited all my mates and folks with older children who said they had lots of old stuff put by. I didn't put baby shower on the invite though. I think I put last chance to properly socialise with melon for a while or something. And i didn't mention gifts at all
Everyone got drunk, I got lots of lovely secondhand things and to see my friends and the kids got to make balloon animals all afternoon.

Not everyone brought something. Well actually everyone brought something but it was food or drink for the party apart from bin bags of outgrown things.

I've just found out a friend of mine is having a second baby shower. Worst part is she's having another DD. So grabby.

I hate Baby Showers. Awful American import, very grabby.

I'm not even sure I get the 'last chance for a party before the baby is born' . Why not just have 'a night out' or 'round to mine for a Chinese' as per normal?

Baby showers work in america where they all know the rules and traditions. Baby showers are planned by family or friends for fun and to help prepare for the baby. So yes presents are given but not expected. Also, you only have a shower for the first baby so the presents are often more expensive but can be passed down to siblings.

Whereas in england freinds and family give gifts when baby is born to help the parents and welcom the baby. So a baby shower here jars the uk standard of celabrating pregnancy and birth

YANBU. But I hate baby showers anyway for all sorts of reasons. I couldn't have celebrated either of my two until I had a live baby in my arms either.

What is the purpose of a baby shower, other than raking in a load of gifts? The idea of paying for the privilege is flabbergasting.

God. Just read sugar's post. Some poor deluded eejit passed round her ante natal notes as part of the night's entertainment
How self absorbed can you get, to imagine any seriously gives a rats arse?

Don't go!

I don't have an issue with baby showers if they aren't grabby. I think it's nice to get together with close friends and family for a catch up before you are thrown in to the chaos of the newborn days. I had one sort of, just went out for a pub meal and friends brought gifts they would have given after baby was born but I made it clear I wasn't expecting anything. I just wanted to see everyone. I did one for my sister with my mum. It was just at home with some nibbles and cake. We managed to invite some of her friends who had moved away so was lovely but I certainly didn't ask for contributions. I was invited to one that was at a fancy hotel restaurant at a cost of £35 plus drinks but I declined cos couldn't justify the cost.

Baby showers and proms....will they just go back to the land of tacky.

Another sordid US custom that should have stayed over there.

I actually offered to host a baby shower recently for a pg friend who is needing some support, but she declined the offer. I was planning tea and a few nice cakes I had baked, and a bit of hanging out and chatting about trivia, whilst hoping people brought a few useful things for the baby as my friend hasn't got much money at all and everyone around here really likes her, so I was sure they would want to help out a bit. Baby showers don't have to be lavish and silly.

I think it's nice to have a party before the baby is born, especially a first baby. It's ridiculous to expect guests to pay for the food and drink at a party you are hosting though and also greedy to expect gifts.

oh no i wouldn't go either what a carry on baby showers are just a load of rubbish and to be asked to pay for it is just rude and tacky imo what are you going to do OP

I didnt go to a baby shower a few months back I was busy that day i missed the guess baby food flavours and the dvd of the 4d scan

Tackorama. If you invite people to a party you shouldn't ask them to pay for food!

Asking for money rather than making it a pot luck is the sort of thing where you need to know your audience. Some people hate pot lucks and would prefer to give some money. Others don't mind being asked to contribute food or drink but find any reference to cash to be uncouth. It's just differeing social mores. One isn't more "right" than the other.

Go. Don't go. Be nice to your pregnant friend in whichever way suits you. If that is joining in with the planned celebrations that's fine If it's doing things your way that's fine. But the "crassness" is in your head not the action, which is just a bunch of friends trying to find a way to have fun and be supportive. You are being a snob.

Sorry, but I don't think it is ok to invite people to a non-essential do and then make them pay. If it was for a wedding, and I knew the participants were very hard up I might think pot luck was ok, but in general, if you don't have the funds for a party or social event, don't have one! or cut your cloth accordingly - so tea party at home with £20 spent on nice nibbles from M and S.

Having been to a low key very informal joint baby shower for good friends where one of the babies was subsequently still born a fortnight later, I will never ever attend another again. It shattered our circle and the fall out continues to this day. At the very least it's premature to celebrate quite so openly, at worst it's unbelievably crass and grabby.

That is very out of order, if your hosting you pay, it's very bad form to ask for money in advance how grabby. It's different to ask people to bring a dish from home but money in advance. I would make my excuses and not go.

Urggh

I've attended one baby shower. We were asked to contribute for food and prizes after we had accepted. We went under sufferance as it was a surprise for mum to be and we didn't want her upset.

The 'host' had ran out of prizes by the time it was my turn to be awarded one so instead of handing over her own prize she just thought it would be ok to get some crappy face mask from her own bathroom!!

I've since managed to avoid further showers, once by being out of the country, and now by telling the organisers it's not my thing and I don't agree with them!

Have been invited to " this is not a baby shower party" when in fact it was a baby shower that made the organisers not feel grabby. The awkwardness when the few empty handed guests realised that it was just a huge present opening dodgy buffet.