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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not want to pay to go to a baby shower?

109 replies

cantlivewithoutdom · 24/04/2014 22:38

A friend of mine has two sisters, both of them are organising a baby shower for her. They have sent the invite out (via Facebook) and are requesting that we all give money to them (on the day or before) to pay for the costs.

I'm assuming this is the cost of the food/drink because it's being hosted at one of the sisters houses.

Now I wouldn't mind in the slightest if they said please could you contribute by bringing food with you, but I think asking for money and then probably expecting you to turn up with a gift is rather crass?

OP posts:
EddieStobbart · 25/04/2014 21:28

Games? Wtf? Why??

SirChenjin · 25/04/2014 22:05

Because it's a larf, innit Hmm

Room 101 is the only place for baby showers.

NickNackNooToYou · 25/04/2014 22:13

Politely decline.

I've never been to one & I intend never to go since deactivating FB I'm never invited now anyway, win win Grin

EddieStobbart · 25/04/2014 22:49

Until I joined MN I'd never heard anyone complain about babyshowers or thought anything negative myself. Am now a bit embarassed that some of the people who came were there under sufferance. Cringe.

NorthLDNgal · 25/04/2014 22:51

I really don't understand the need for baby showers. If I had a baby I'd feel bad for putting people under pressure to buy presents just because I'd decided to have a baby.

It's just one of those box-ticking things in life that are totally pointless.

EddieStobbart · 26/04/2014 00:57

Ones I been to the thinking is more that preg friend will be tied up for at least a few weeks (more if first kid) so taking opportunity to get together without squawking infant.

SirChenjin · 26/04/2014 08:44

In which case...have a night out at the local Chinese, or invite everyone round for coffee one afternoon Confused. There is no need whatsoever for a party just because someone is reproducing - whether it's advertised as a baby shower, or whether it's just presented as a 'last chance to get together before the baby' the meaning behind it is the same ie, "I'm pregnant, come and look at meeeeee, bring me presents"

It normally goes like this - there will be a couple of women in the group who decide that throwing a baby shower would be a Good Thing, they'll send out the invites, and most people will groan inwardly but accept for fear of looking churlish. Even if you say no presents they will feel duty bound to take something, and even if you say to them that they don't have to come if they don't want to, they will come. We're a mannerly lot, us Brits - we think it, but we don't necessarily say it.

JRmumma · 26/04/2014 08:50

I get the American baby shower. I believe that traditionally it was to set the mum to be up with everything she needed and also reflects the poor maternity leave/pay provision in the US and so the 'community' helps out instead.

However in the UK they have a different meaning. I think for most people its about getting together before baby comes and having a bit of fun. I personally dont like the games aspect much but you don't HAVE to play games. There are always some people who will use them as an opportunity to get people to buy them stuff but to be honest, you can tell who those people are BEFORE the invites go out.

balenciaga · 26/04/2014 09:02

Oh god I had one Blush

I hated it tbh

It was a surprise, My friends organised it for me, which was lovely of Them but honestly it was cringe Sad

EverythingCounts · 26/04/2014 09:17

JRmumma - ah, that makes sense now you've pointed it out.

SirChenjin - I agree, it could be a good get together without all the financial pressure over food and presents.

EddieStobbart · 26/04/2014 13:01

Well, mine have been a nice get together with a few friends and at 39 weeks pregnant or whatever would rather meet in afternoon for stodgy food than have a late night. I've never taken part in ones involving massive extended groups, only close friends so not that different from normal social gathering. I've never experienced ones with games etc making it into a different kind of event. I can't bear "Noone's ever had a baby before meeee" but I've never been to one that felt like that.

SirChenjin · 26/04/2014 13:29

So was it just a 'meet for a coffee in the afternoon' or did it go under the title of 'baby shower' or 'party for Eddie' (aka baby shower, therefore bring presents, although you really don't have to, but if you don't you'll be the only one)?

EddieStobbart · 26/04/2014 17:14

Probably referred to as a babyshower because it was a get together immediately before having the baby but that was the point of it in this case. I have no idea how many bought a present, I can't think of a single thing but probably i dod get some chocolates or something, that was beside the point. When i went to ny friends, I gave her a vacuum coffee cup with a secure lid as she was about to have twins, the idea being it would be a long time before she could drink a whole cup of tea without it either going cold first or worrying about where she was going get put it down. She was really daunted by the prospect of having three children under three i would have bought that for her anyway so the shower was a good time to give it. When her kids were born I bought them a something.

Anyway, my point is there are obviously many versions which are large scale grasping affairs, this thread is testament to many people feeling that, but it isn't like that in every case and the ones I have been to have only involved relatives and good friends so if there was a feeling of a enforced present giving I'd find that a bit odd.

Anyway, if I was the OP and didn't like the direction the shower was going I'd make an excuse and arrange another time to meet.

EddieStobbart · 26/04/2014 17:18

Actually, thinking back to when I was invited to a babyshower for the first time, my first thought was "what's with this American shite" but the reality of the ones I've been to has been fine.

BrieAndChilli · 26/04/2014 17:20

We have done baby showers in our group of friends but it is only 6 or so good friends, we go round someone's house and have a takeaway curry, and bring our own drink. We then p,ay sill baby shower games and have a laugh and a nice night away from the kids! We do take presents but nothing major, a sleepsuits or photo frame or something.

SirChenjin · 26/04/2014 17:22

I accept that there are many baby showers come in many guises, from the grabby extravanganza to the small party in someone's home - but if you loathe baby showers generally, or can't understand why having a baby suddenly means that you're going to be incapable of leaving the house or having people round for coffee for weeks and so need a party (aka as a baby shower) to get you through, then every invitation to a baby shower will be met with an inward groan!

SirChenjin · 26/04/2014 17:24

And even 'just' a box of chocolates or sleepsuit is the kind of present that most of us would take to our friends or neighbours after the baby, when it's nice to pop round and see the actual baby as opposed to a bump.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 26/04/2014 17:31

I has a pack of white babygrows, a pack of white vests and a pack of newborn nappies when DS1 was born. Everything else was bought/given afterwards. That was the way in my family. We weren't superstitious but a live baby wasn't taken for granted as the outcome.

I can understand why that approach wouldn't suit most people. I like the idea of a baby shower/party but after the baby is born.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 26/04/2014 17:32

had

Januaryjojo1 · 26/04/2014 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EddieStobbart · 26/04/2014 17:37

True, but the only ones i have been to have just been another opportunity to meet with good friends. No one needed an excuse obviously but with people a bit more spread then when at uni etc out then most times will meet one or two people at once rather than six or seven. More likely to have got jelly babies than chocolates really as hahaha, yu'no, baby, do you see what I did there, geddit... That's about the level the one's I've been to have been pitched at.

EddieStobbart · 26/04/2014 17:39

Whereas if I'd received January's invite I would have given it as wide a berth as possible.

SirChenjin · 26/04/2014 18:04

But why the need to call it a baby shower if you're just all meeting up? Why not just, you know, meet up? Confused

HolidayCriminal · 26/04/2014 18:07

Well said, @Meg76uk.

expatinscotland · 26/04/2014 18:07

Enwww. No, just NO.