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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put the neighbour's parcel out with the bins?

217 replies

RachelWatts · 24/04/2014 13:09

As I'm a SAHM, I usually end up taking in the neighbour's parcels for them as I'm the only person who answered the door to the delivery company.

Most of the neighbours will call round later that day or the next for their stuff.

One chap, who lives about 5 doors away, never does. It's always too big or awkward for me to take round while also carrying DS2 or pushing his pushchair, especially knowing that I might have to lug it back again.

His latest parcel is flat, about 1 foot wide and 5 feet long. He apparently paid extra for next day delivery, but obviously doesn't want it that urgently as it's been in my house over a week.

I probably won't put it out with the bins, unless it's here another week, but won't be taking in any more parcels for him.

OP posts:

Longtalljosie · 25/04/2014 12:17

It's not always the case that the owner of the parcel knows where it is. I once ordered a big box of nappies from Amazon. I had the email saying it had been delivered (I was in and heard nothing). I had no note through the door, no email saying who had it. The delivery company said all they had on their system was "delivery accepted at 1659". I asked the four neighbours nearest me and they knew nothing. Eventually the person two doors down said to my next door neighbour "here's your parcel, it's been here for a while" - this was literally months later. By then I'd already told Amazon they'd lost my delivery and got a new box of nappies, so had to return the box via the post office...

Neverknowingly · 25/04/2014 12:23

See - IMO if you take in a parcel you have undertaken a responsibility to get it to the end recipient. If that recipient does not wait for me to take it to them that implies a lack of trust in me to fulfill that role. I find it a bit offensive really. For a similar reason I would expect a neighbour who has taken in a parcel for me to bring it to me rather than for me to imply impatience/lack of trust by going to seek it.

IRL of course it is clear that NDN to the left shares my view and we always deliver parcels to each other that we have taken in whereas NDN2 to my right is clearly a bit odd a MNer and we go to collect parcels from each other unless they are getting particularly on my nerves that day in which case I might leave their hall cluttered up with my EBAY tat I would actually prefer it if NDN2 did not accept parcels for me as they seem to think they are doing me a massive favour (but then they are genuinely odd and seem to think they are doing me a massive favour when they come to collect their own parcels too) whereas I would be just as happy to pick it up from the local post office which I have to visit twice a week anway.

Lovecat · 25/04/2014 12:24

But they don't know that you'll only be half an hour, do they? That parcel could be something they desperately need, that the delivery people just happened to miss them by 5 mins or so (this has happened to me before now - I've literally been out the house 10 minutes and bloody Yodel have been and gorn), why, if you're in, should they wait til your convenience later that evening to receive the parcel?

I'm a baker, and I order a lot of specialist supplies online. HDN used to assume I wasn't in at all and just give to to the next door neighbour, even though I hadn't asked them to, and when I was at home waiting for it - AND not leave me a note. If I hadn't gone round knocking because I was waiting in for it and checking its status online, I would not have had what I needed in time for my orders! If you'd refused to open the door to me I'd have been so cross with you!

So are your neighbours mind readers, or do you post a timetable of your movements on the front door so everyone knows when not to bother you?

I think you sound astonishingly hard work...

Lovecat · 25/04/2014 12:26

Sorry, that was to Starlight, there were several posts in the middle by the time I'd finished ranting...

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 25/04/2014 12:31

OP, I have started pretending to be out when the postman knocks on the door as my NDN has so many bloody parcels it's unbelievable. I agreed to take them in, sign for them etc when they moved in as I am a SAHM but I didn't realise just how many there would be. It's beyond a joke.

Original poster

RachelWatts · 25/04/2014 12:35

I wonder if Starlight is my neighbour... Is your name Richard, by any chance?

The delivery driver said he was going to put a note through, but may not have bothered. It was City link who are usually fairly good at that.

I have young children so can't take the parcel myself, and DH works long hours, so by the time he's home I feel it's too late to knock on doors. One of us can try tomorrow.

I wouldn't actually throw the parcel away. I assumed it would be obvious I was joking and only mildly irritated. I'm fairly new to MN and haven't guaged the sense of humour here correctly.

OP posts:

StarlightMcKenzie · 25/04/2014 12:37

'But aren't you disturbing their peace when you bring the parcel back to them?'

No. Getting they are expecting a parcel delivery. They signed up to that when they ordered it, so obviously the disturbance is acceptable to them.

DidoTheDodo · 25/04/2014 12:37

Yikes starlight I think you take the biscuit! Because you don't agree, this thread must therefor be unrepresentative? Despite the fact there are 5 pages of people disagreeing with you.

Ah well, it gave me a dropped jaw and a laugh!

I have a safe place in my garden which all posties/delivery people now know they can use for any of the four cottages. It works very well. Parcels are safe and notes through the door allow people to pick up without me even knowing about it. See, I'm actually quite generous!

OwlCapone · 25/04/2014 12:39

Dear god, if you don't want to be "bothered" by someone coming to collect their parcel, don't take them in. I'd rather go collect it from the post Office than deal with such rudeness. It's not like they asked you to take it in or had it delivered to your address.

HaroldLloyd · 25/04/2014 12:40

So what do you actually do if someone knocks your door?

StarlightMcKenzie · 25/04/2014 12:41

'Starlight it would also be rude for someone to expect me to traipse around with the toddler and their parcel instead of getting off their own backside and coming to collect it.'

If you can't fulfil the delivery, don't take the parcel. If I have signed for it especially, it is my responsibility to get it to the owner. If the owner doesn't get it then I am at fault, not the owner. I take responsibility unless I am unable to so then I refuse.

magentastardust · 25/04/2014 12:52

But that doesn't really make sense- you say that pretty much no time is convenient for a knock at the door so therefore you like to deliver in your own time.
Well then surely it isn't convenient for the parcel delivery people to knock at your door either -so why is it ok to answer to them but not to neighbours.
It is okay to not want to answer your door especially when you are busy if that is the way you feel but then why give yourself the hassle of taking in the parcels in the first place.

Oh and it is the norm to collect parcels that have been delivered to a neighbour -the neighbour has kindly done you a favour by taking in a delivery for you , so then you don't expect them to do a second favour and deliver it for you.
People who knock on your door to retrieve their parcels aren't being rude and wanting to get their hands on their parcel at your inconvenience, they are being polite and collecting it as soon as possible to get it out of your hallway and want to get it to save you a trip.
I would feel really bad if a neighbour had not only taken in a parcel for me but then trapsed over to my house and had to deliver it to because I couldn't be assed to go and pick it up!

SantanaLopez · 25/04/2014 12:54

No. Getting they are expecting a parcel delivery. They signed up to that when they ordered it, so obviously the disturbance is acceptable to them.

When you accept their parcel, do you not sign up to the (legal) owner of that parcel coming to your door to reclaim their property, therefore accepting some degree of disturbance is also acceptable to you?

HaroldLloyd · 25/04/2014 12:56

Makes me appreciate my neighbours.

I'm going in the garden to hug my neighbour and beg her never to move.

LiegeAndLief · 25/04/2014 12:57

My god, this is a lot of angst.

I sometimes take parcels in for neighbours. They sometimes take them in for me. If I happen to notice them coming home, and the kids aren't in the bath etc, then I might pop round with the parcel - otherwise, the neighbour comes to collect and it and I open the door and hand it to them without my dc spontaneously combusting. If I come home and find a note I go round to the neighbour and get the parcel. If there is no note they sometimes come round to me.

Everyone is friendly and we all say thank you a lot (even the parcel-taker-inner) because we are British. This works fine. How is it so difficult for other people?!

StarlightMcKenzie · 25/04/2014 12:59

No I sign up to ensuring that the owner gets the parcel and take full responsibility for that. I have no belief in the card system either. Cards if left at all are rarely legible.

IF I have delayed, for an unavoidable reason, I would find it acceptable for them to collect, but usually the parcel is with them by 7pm that evening or later if they aren't home (I do this a lot so have a pretty good idea of who will be home when).

OnlyLovers · 25/04/2014 13:03

'People DON'T knock on my door'

So how do you know you hate it/it's inconvenient, if it never happens, Starlight?

I'm confused.

But I'm more gobsmacked by the idea that it's rude to knock on someone's door.

HaroldLloyd · 25/04/2014 13:04

What do you do if someone does knock on your door? People must knock on your door.

MrsNoodleHead · 25/04/2014 13:04

There is no point.

Starlight is not prepared to entertain any other opinion apart from her own.

Impressive stubbornness but surely she must really know, deep in that misanthropic heart that she is being utterly unreasonable

OwlCapone · 25/04/2014 13:05

I sign up to ensure they get their parcel whether I take it round or they come to fetch it. I believe that is what most people do and is good manners.

HaroldLloyd · 25/04/2014 13:06

Starlight I really want to knock your door now.

MrsNoodleHead · 25/04/2014 13:07

I have visions of a sign next to Starlight's front door with a long list of terms and conditions.

Hard work indeed.

StarlightMcKenzie · 25/04/2014 13:09

It's rude to knock unnecessarily, on someone's door. It's rude to show impatience and lack of trust for a parcel that should be and will be delivered.

Cold calling is also rude.

Knock on my door only when either invited to, or to deliver something, or for another reason that will benefit the homeowner (i.e. a message, or being informed car lights on whatever). Relieving me of a parcel I have signed up to deliver will not benefit me more than inconvenience me. It is rude and I will not take in a parcel again for you if you do.

SantanaLopez · 25/04/2014 13:10

That is utterly mad.

StarlightMcKenzie · 25/04/2014 13:10

Harold, you can knock on my door to offer an hour of childcare or a bottle of wine. Please don't try and sell me a vacuum cleaner or God.

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