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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask those of you who are pro life?

999 replies

Anonynony · 21/04/2014 14:49

How do you feel about friends who have had abortions? Can you maintain friendships with people who have had an abortion and no regrets?

One of my friends has stunned me, talking about another friend of ours who had considered an abortion and my friend said I'm so glad she didn't because I wouldn't have been able to stay friends with her Shock
I'm really surprised, I'm extremely pro choice and vocal about it but this doesn't bother my friend.
But what my friend doesn't know is that I also had an abortion and although I have no regrets I feel a bit strange around my friend now?

OP posts:
Dawndonnaagain · 23/04/2014 14:27

It's a good thing that the title of this thread makes it clear that there will be opinions that some women may find upsetting so that they can make informed decisions about whether they want to read and contribute or hide or thread.
But what a shame when asked not to continue it we couldn't pull together as a community, you just saw it as censorship of your views and yours alone.

AnyaKnowIt · 23/04/2014 14:29

Because forced birthers are slur shaming women haters

Binkyresurrected · 23/04/2014 14:29

Well yes dawn. Didn't you know that the foetus life is of more importance. Savita, her husband, her other child are of no importance not when its a foetus's life that is at stake.

thebodydoestricks · 23/04/2014 14:31

differentName spot on post but I hope you are ok? You have shared a lot and that's difficult. Flowers

bumbly who are you worried about?

differentnameforthis · 23/04/2014 14:31

I doubt that alone is the reason (vasectomy) It WAS the only reason. They were told, to their faces, that they were perfect candidates otherwise. They were told his vasectomy was a 'clear message' to them that he didn't want a child, so how could they trust his commitment to an adopted child.

bumbleymummy · 23/04/2014 14:35

I would describe some pro - choice opinions as barbaric, disgusting, cruel and insensitive. However, I do not feel the need to direct insults at the person expressing them. They are entitled to their opinion just as I am entitled to disagree with them.

Baby, I offered to enlighten you away from the insult hurling people on this thread. You declined so you mustn't be too keen to know.

HopAlong, the priority is not the life of the foetus. Her life was not deemed to be at risk at the time.

differentnameforthis · 23/04/2014 14:36

continuing pregnancies they don't want to continue.

sassysally · 23/04/2014 14:37

To the person who asked above my stance is
I disagree with all abortions, except where the mother's life is at risk, or her physical health seriously and permanently damaged, or where the foetus has no chance of life outside the womb.This is because I believe a human life exists as soon as the egg is fertilised.And I think taking a human life is wrong,

LtEveDallas · 23/04/2014 14:37

Bumbley,

LtEve, at 17 weeks the abortion would have required an invasive surgical procedure which carries risks too They gave her that very same invastive surgical procedure less than 48 hours after she had asked for it and had been refused. There was no change in their procedures. That was always going to be the action they took, but they put the foetus first when they should NOT have done so.

She didn't develop septicaemia until after the foetus had died. Had the dying foetus been removed when Savita asked for it she would NOT have developed secticaemia and would NOT have died.

Do you think that the doctors were right in not allowing her a D&C on Day 1? They gave her that very D&C on day 2, but by then it was too late.

That was all they needed to do - give her a D&C earlier than they did. Do you think that they acted correctly? The foetus was already dying, it could not be saved, but Savita's life could have.

Do you support what those doctors did?
Do you think it was acceptable to leave a woman in pain to give that foetus 48 more hours? Why?

bumbleymummy · 23/04/2014 14:38

Binky, they missed the signs of infection. Some of you seem unwilling to admit that the abortion may bit have saved her due to failings in their duty of care. She could have been treated for early stages of septicaemia regardless off whether or not there was a heartbeat.

differentnameforthis · 23/04/2014 14:38

thebodydoestricks Kind of you to be concerned. Thanks I am good, thank you!

bumbleymummy · 23/04/2014 14:38

May Not*

bumbleymummy · 23/04/2014 14:40

different name. I don't 'always' say I am being bullied - only when I am being bullied.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 23/04/2014 14:43

You're being disagreed with, bumbley - and having your women-hating opinions called out.

Binkyresurrected · 23/04/2014 14:45

www.hiqa.ie/publications/patient-safety-investigation-report-services-university-hospital-galway-uhg-and-reflect

If anyone would like to read the report.

BTW this wasn't a mismanaged miscarriage, this was a right fuck up!! That resulted in a patients death. If this level of fuck up had happened in any other department than I am sure it would not be viewed as just mismanaged or a failure in duty of care.

twofingerstoGideon · 23/04/2014 14:45

I don't 'always' say I am being bullied - only when I am being bullied.

But you seem to see yourself as the target of bullying on every abortion-related thread.

Baby, I offered to enlighten you away from the insult hurling people on this thread. You declined so you mustn't be too keen to know.

You offered to enlighten Baby? FFS.

elliolli2 · 23/04/2014 14:46

Baby - I have only just found your post where you have shared your story and I'm heart broken for you. I have friends who have lost babies full term or a long way through and just a little bit of them has gone too, but they have all found some way to heal and I hope you have the support around you to do the same.

I haven't been present on all of this thread though - do I take it that you live where abortion is illegal and therefore have to carry your daughter to term knowing the inevitable? How awful not to have the choice. If you did would you have chosen to terminate earlier to 'limit your pain' and I put that in quotes for a reason!! I hope I don't offend with such a question, I am merely intrigued as I have no idea how I would feel in your situation. I am so sorry for you and your family.

This forum really should have a 'like' button - Dawn your last comment is so true? Why do people insist on following threads they find disturbing or just wish to argue on?! This is a very emotive subject - people that have had terminations can be labelled as uncaring sluts but the reality is so different.

thebodydoestricks · 23/04/2014 14:46

Yep strange how all of us pro choice are actually pretty kind and supportive of each other.

Maybe it stems from our ability to emphasise with each other and put ourselves in others shoes. To find dogmatic and simplistic ideologies abhorrent and the need to control other people's bodies and choices frightening.

sassy what about the detriment to the mental health of the mother to continue her pregnancy? What's your view on that?

bumbleymummy · 23/04/2014 14:46

gordy, here you go - differentnameforthis has cleared it up for you.

"I doubt that alone is the reason (vasectomy) It WAS the only reason. They were told, to their faces, that they were perfect candidates otherwise. They were told his vasectomy was a 'clear message' to them that he didn't want a child, so how could they trust his commitment to an adopted child."

You can argue with her now about how she's wrong and there must have been some other reason. As I said, I was replying to her post.

Lt, "They gave her that very same invastive surgical procedure less than 48 hours after she had asked for it and had been refused."

Yes, because her life was at risk at that stage. She deteriorated. In the same was as other surgical procedures may not be offered in hospital initially, if you start to deteriorate they change their course of action.

She was showing early signs of septicaemia that were missed.

sassysally · 23/04/2014 14:49

who is calling anyone an uncaring slut?

thebodydoestricks · 23/04/2014 14:49

bumbly you said it on the previous thread too.

Please enlighten baby she has asked you to answer her question on the thread.

Binkyresurrected · 23/04/2014 14:50

BTW they didn't MISS the signs of infection. They failed to treat the patient, they failed to monitor the patient, they failed from the moment she entered that hospital to the moment she died. The signs of infection could not be MISSED they were ignored.

sassysally · 23/04/2014 14:52

'the need to control other people's bodies and choices frightening'

well I am prolife, and I don't attempt to control anybody's body but my own.
But would I be happy to see a law to limit abortions to the circumstances I stated above? yes I would.

MaidOfStars · 23/04/2014 14:55

I disagree with all abortions, except where the mother's life is at risk, or her physical health seriously and permanently damaged, or where the foetus has no chance of life outside the womb

Who decides what level of serious and permanent damage a woman must be under threat from before she is allowed to have an abortion? You? One doctor? Two doctors? A court?

MoominsAreScary · 23/04/2014 14:55

Yes they failed in their care of her but chances are if They had given her the termination when her waters broke and she asked for it instead of waiting 5 days she would not have become septic