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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be embarrassed but to go anyway?

357 replies

harriet247 · 20/04/2014 21:30

Dps best friend from primary has distributed his wedding invites today. Silly me thought I was invited Blush dp and I have been together 2 years and have 1 yr old dd.
All the other girlfriends/fiances have been invited but im not on the invite,not even as a plus one :/
I understand obviously money may be a factor or they dont want children there but nothing has been said.
Its 5 hours away and in a big posh hotel, we were both looking forward ro our first night away, with dd staying with lovely gp's.
Im thinking of just going anyway, nice spa during the day then get dressed up and go and join in the evening do.
But part of me is worried that I would be kindof embarrassing myself and them too? I cant jelp but think they dont wnt me there for some reason butI dont know either of them very well so I'm positive they don't hate me etc..
Aibu to go anyway?

OP posts:
stayanotherday · 26/04/2014 13:44

OP you sound lovely! It's a bit odd to leave you out but it's their loss. I'd walk away and treat myself instead.

IMetAManWhoWasntThere · 26/04/2014 13:51

This whole thread has made me cringe from start to finish.

I agree with Guitargirl have some dignity. If you continue to pursue this by ringing him you will be humiliating yourself.

There is no way I would not invite a friend and their partner to my wedding (even if I thought they could not get childcare I would still invite them.)

It actually baffles me that you would consider showing up somewhere you are not invited.

They. Don't. Want. You. There.

Please go and listen to Frozen's 'Let it Go' - then build a bridge and get over it.

LuluJakey1 · 26/04/2014 13:51

At this point they have had the chance to put it right. If it was an oversight, they would have texted back immediately.
My thoughts are it is time to let it go. DP should not pay for you. For whatever reason, you have not been asked and they have not reacted to the text so don't seem to want to put it right. Why on earth would you go now? It would just be embarrassing and awkward.
They are entitled to have who they want at their wedding without feeling pressured or got at. Leave it now and behave with dignity. DP needs to decide if he will go without you or take you somewhere nice instead.
OH just read this and said if he was DP and this was an old, good friend, he would write a polite RSVP saying he can't attend as you and he are going away that weekend but saying we both hope they have a lovely day. Then would make sure he and I had great weekend.
I was hoping for a happy ending Harriet!

DebbieOfMaddox · 26/04/2014 13:53

OP isn't actually planning on putting a post on Facebook. Nor, as apparently people are taking every word she says literally, is she planning to walk about with a tray of champagne before ripping off her uniform to reveal a dazzling sparkly white mini dress and starting a conga. Nor to stick on a false moustache and wear a ringmaster's red coat. Nor to dress up as a lucky chimneysweep.

Perhaps the attached diagram will be helpful...

to be embarrassed but to go anyway?
OurMiracle1106 · 26/04/2014 13:53

If you have booked a nice night in the posh hotel I would definitely go and enjoy the spa and have a nice relaxing night in the hotel room and make sure dp left early with the excuse of you being upstairs alone and wanting to spend a rare child free evening away with the woman he loves.

LuluJakey1 · 26/04/2014 13:54

you and he, not he and I, as clearly I would not be going for the lovely weekend with your DP!!!!!

Original poster
harriet247 · 26/04/2014 14:00

Sorry I dont think my sense of humour comes across in text :) of course Im going to leave it. Me and dp just havw a silly joke that any issues should be immediately relayed to facebook (this never ever happens of course!)
It is such a shame because dp is kindof upset about it I think, he's said before that he gets the impression that his group think me and him wont really last as it was a bit of a whirlwi d romance and I think still afyer 2 years they havent accepted our little family as being for keeps.
We will definitely book ourselves somewhere, a bit closer to home and let our hair down together. The great uncles will have to entrrtain rhemselves at the wedding and try and crack on with the congo themselves, ill just photo shop us into the wedding photos when they appear online ;)

OP posts:
Original poster
harriet247 · 26/04/2014 14:02

debbie that made me howl!!

OP posts:
BelleateSebastian · 26/04/2014 14:11

Their loss Harriet, enjoy your weekend away :)

TheCatThatSmiled · 26/04/2014 14:30

Totally their loss Harriet, and yes I can understand your DP being upset. Tis why this wedding thing is such a minefield - it's not that it's just one day, and, yes they are entitled to have the sort of day they want.

But you can get to see how the bride and groom really see how and where you 'fit' into their world.

Love your sense of humour about it, keep that and it will all be fine :)

Only1scoop · 26/04/2014 14:38

Harriet has much dignity .....

And about as much ....do diggity that a girl can twerk to whilst word perfectly crooning every verse to Livin' on a prayer....whilst hiding in an aspidistra in a disguise as a wedding caterer....

You have a great weekend....

Update usWink

Only1scoop · 26/04/2014 14:45

Debbie Grin

WhereTheWildlingsAre · 26/04/2014 14:56

Grin at Debbie

fooolofbeans · 26/04/2014 16:03

Harriet how about you and DP get Bride and groom Face transplants in the style travolta and cage in Face Off.

Lock the real B and G in their rooms.

And enjoy being Totally centra stage, with the best seats in the house and a massive haul of presents.

Just an idea ......

Waltermittythesequel · 26/04/2014 16:37

Ok well no reply is a definite reply, huh?

Their loss!

I did cringe for you at this:

Oh NOW im embarrassed- dp just said that he offered to pay for my place

I'd kill dh if he did this! Offering to pay to bring you?

No, no, no!!!

Only1scoop · 26/04/2014 17:01

Yes also had mini cringe at that bit Op....sort Im owtConfused

Original poster
harriet247 · 26/04/2014 17:11

Bless I think he meant it in a 'if its a financial issue ...' thing but I think a) makes me sound ker-aaazyyyyy and b)them sound skint. When we get married im only inviting one of them.

Ps. They put their sort code and account number o the invite. Wibu to send them £1.00?

OP posts:
Original poster
harriet247 · 26/04/2014 17:12

Thanks to everyone that was so nice by the way :)

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 26/04/2014 17:13

I do just wonder, OP - do you have form for entitled behaviour and/or muscling in? When you first met these people, did you make a big deal out of the fact that you were your DP's partner and therefore they had to pay you lots of attention?

Because it could (from initial posts and also from what other posters have said) been a straightforward mistake on their part to leave your name off the invite. But it appears clear now that they really do not want you to be there. Suck it up. They don't have to like you just because they like your DP/.

SauvignonBlanche · 26/04/2014 17:15

They put their sort code and account number on the invite - Classy! Hmm

Dubjackeen · 26/04/2014 17:21

Ps. They put their sort code and account number o the invite. Wibu to send them £1.00?

Yes. £1 if both of you were invited. So 50p it is Wink

UnderthePalms · 26/04/2014 17:30

Yes, send 50p present and an invitation just for the bloke to your wedding.

Waltermittythesequel · 26/04/2014 17:31

^Ps. They put their sort code and account number o the invite. Wibu to send them £1.00?^

Shock

I'm not sure if that's worse than or better than a twee poem!

Put in the price of an extra meal with those little notes the bank lets you leave:

"Because you obviously need it."

Only1scoop · 26/04/2014 17:32

Are you serious about the sort codeBlush

PenTheUltimate · 26/04/2014 17:49

I would selotape a pound to a card and tell them to spend it on something special Grin