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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think MIL is unreasonable re children's diet

158 replies

parakeet · 20/04/2014 21:11

I know this comes up a lot but I do think we have special circumstances going on. One of our children is overweight - she doesn't look it, but her BMI is on the 75th centile. This is something we have been addressing for years, consulting an NHS dietician to get the diet right, we try to get her exercising every day, etc. Her BMI is actually very slowly coming down, but it's obviously something we need to stay on top of. We do allow a maximum of one "treat food" a day, eg an ice cream or a couple of plain biscuits.

We have explained all this to MIL but she seems to feel it's her right to feed the children crap. DH took the children up for a visit this past week, while I worked and it emerged she had bought in specially one of those variety packs of cereal so they were eating cocoa pops and frosties for breakfast. We have explained we really don't want to get them into cocoa pops habit, as until now they have been quite happy with a rather plain breakfast cereal. It also emerged she gave them two medium sized Easter eggs each. Surely one small one each would have been sufficient.

I told DH that in future we should ask her not to get in the cereal variety packs specially and only one Easter egg. He disagrees as his mum has health issues and essentially he thinks we should indulge her. I completely disagree as I think the children's health comes first. Both children adore MIL and they do not need to be bribed in this way, they just enjoy spending time with her.

I don't wish to argue with DH about this, I feel like ringing up MIL and politely putting forward my views, which I feel she would probably respect, as she is always very nice to me. Would I be unreasonable to do this?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 20/04/2014 21:15

I am no fan of sugary cereals (or most cereals tbh) but for a few days? Is it really worth getting into an argument about?

As for the easter eggs it doesn't matter if you give one or twenty as long as they are eaten sensibly and not all in one go. DS has got lots of easter eggs but it will last him for months. If its really a problem donate one to a food bank

Floggingmolly · 20/04/2014 21:15

Those variety packs of cereal contain about two spoonfuls per box, and Easter is once a year Hmm

HopperGirl · 20/04/2014 21:15

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Joules68 · 20/04/2014 21:15

You've already done it haven't you?

Also, how does her health issues mean she can't be asked to stop feeding your kids crap?

Mintyy · 20/04/2014 21:16

It sort of depends on how often your children see their grandma. I honestly don't see how a breakfast of coco pops once a month (for instance) is going to affect anyone's weight. You probably get about 50 more calories than if you have rice krispies. Its what you eat and more importantly what exercise you do day in day out that counts.

As for the Easter eggs - just give them a little each day for weeks.

So - how often do they see their gma?

MariaJenny · 20/04/2014 21:16

I wish people would be more careful what junk they give to children. Once children have something they want more. I remember one of ours getting into nutella spread because her friend's parents gave it to her. She never knew it existed until then.
Yes I think your husband (not you) should have a word - just say they are not to have those cereals (I think things like eggs are best for breakfast really, nto any kind of loaded up carbs and sugar) and only a small creme egg at Easter, if she has to buy any at all.

bigkidsdidit · 20/04/2014 21:16

How often do they see her? Every Sunday I would say something. Twice a year I wouldn't.

Marcipex · 20/04/2014 21:18

Oh dear, yesterday I dished out Haribo to my grandchildren.
I'd better brace myself for the talk.

SpiderNugent · 20/04/2014 21:19

Tbh if you have been "addressing this for years" and she is still overweight, something is going wrong.

HopperGirl · 20/04/2014 21:20

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CheesyBadger · 20/04/2014 21:20

I can see why you would be annoyed about the cereal as dd had no idea about sweet cereals until a family holiday, then started wanting then instead of her usual Weetabix or porridge.

However, people will influence your children and it is up to you up teach them what is norm, a treat, why this is the case etc.

In the grand scheme of things it isn't a big deal but maybe next time address this before it happens, politely and from a medical perspective,

But...

In my experience grandparents are feeders. Food = love, therefore rejection of her food = rejection of her. Touch territory

SpiderNugent · 20/04/2014 21:20

Be careful you don't make this into a huge issue, you will damage your little girl

Annunziata · 20/04/2014 21:21

YABU.

It's a treat and she's their grandmother. Relax.

BecauseImWoeufIt · 20/04/2014 21:21

YABU. It is the job of grandparents to spoil their grandchildren!

However, I'm more concerned that you say you have been addressing your DD's weight issue 'for years' and that 'her BMI is actually very slowly coming down'. If she really does have a weight issue, then what are you doing on a daily basis to really deal with this? Why has it taken/is it taking so long?

Children don't need to have treat foods vilified - the more they are, the more they will crave them.

And to not want her to have Easter eggs, or to fail to recognise the excitement that children have in getting them (and two is always better than one!) is just silly and, actually, a bit mean.

Do not ring your MIL. Let her do her thing and develop her own, lovely relationship with her grandchildren.

badidea · 20/04/2014 21:21

YANBU.
We've always told all our family (mine and DH's) not to give easter eggs and our son is a healthy weight/size. Both me and DH ate copious amounts of chocolates and sweets as children and have the fillings to prove it - we wanted to try and stop the same happening to DS1.

Now DS1 is 4, we let them give him the odd chocolate biscuit when he's visiting, but that's it (although I know our CM does treat him every now and then too, but don't want to stop that as it woudl mark him out from the other kids and would be mean)

We give him chocolate and treats ourselves (we're not anti-chocolate, just anti copious amounts of chocolate) and we can monitor how much he gets.

Our inlaws were forever pestering about when he could have chocolate (they bought DS1 chocolate coins when he was 3 months old....) They definitely equate being a good gparent with giving gchildren sugary treats, and I think they felt a bit taken against by us not letting them give him any chocolate under the age of 3, but they coped and this easter, they bought him a t-shirt and some small chocolate treats (that they gave to DH to give out to DS1 (or eat himself!) as and when he thought fit.

Speak to your MIL, she might be a wee bit disappointed, but she'll understand as she'll only want the best for her gdaughter.

EvaBeaversProtege · 20/04/2014 21:21

Choose your battles.

She doesn't have them every day I assume?

Original poster
parakeet · 20/04/2014 21:22

I haven't rung her yet, no, Joules. And I don't get the "health issues" argument, either. Which is why I intend to bypass DH (who is, understandably, concerned about his mum's health) and just speak to her directly myself (very nicely and politely of course).

With the cereals, I'm more concerned that that taste of cocoa pops will stop them being so happy to eat Branflakes in future.

Doesn't anyone else think two medium Easter eggs from one family is inappropriate for an overweight child?

OP posts:
mrsminiverscharlady · 20/04/2014 21:23

I thought 85th centile was overweight for children?

I think your MIL should respect your rules, but OTOH she gave them coco pops, not crack. Not worth rocking the boat over IMO.

SpiderNugent · 20/04/2014 21:24

Dont bother with branflakes, just give the cardboard box its tastier

RabbitSaysWoof · 20/04/2014 21:24

I really dont think you are bu OP.
My Mum and my sons fathers family constantly undermine me on the food front too and it makes my blood boil really, he cries for biscuits at hes nans house and she gladly hands them over like its an actual need.
I think it should be ok to say how you want your own dc to eat.

EvaBeaversProtege · 20/04/2014 21:24

Marcipex - my children love their nanny, love her haribo!

I don't give them it at home, so she can give then it freely! They don't see her often enough, our cooking is the bulk of their meals.

Marcipex · 20/04/2014 21:24

I agree one egg would be fine and two unnecessary from the same giver. As long as siblings are treated equally.

goingmadinthecountry · 20/04/2014 21:25

Easter isn't the time to give your dd more hang ups. And Maria, if Nutella is the food of the devil, just refuse to buy it. It's what you do day in day out as parents that matters. I'm too old for Mumsnet.j

GoodEggy · 20/04/2014 21:25

A treat food every day is way worse for her weight problem than a couple of Easter eggs once a year and the occasional bowl of cocoa pops.

IamInvisible · 20/04/2014 21:26

YABU.

MY MIL used to get in Coco-pops for my kids when they were little and we went to stay. They didn't expect them at home because they knew I wouldn't buy them. It was just a treat at Grandma's.

Don't give them access to their Easter eggs, that way you can give them a small amount once or twice a week.