to think MIL is unreasonable re children's diet

[parakeet]

I know this comes up a lot but I do think we have special circumstances going on. One of our children is overweight - she doesn't look it, but her BMI is on the 75th centile. This is something we have been addressing for years, consulting an NHS dietician to get the diet right, we try to get her exercising every day, etc. Her BMI is actually very slowly coming down, but it's obviously something we need to stay on top of. We do allow a maximum of one "treat food" a day, eg an ice cream or a couple of plain biscuits.

We have explained all this to MIL but she seems to feel it's her right to feed the children crap. DH took the children up for a visit this past week, while I worked and it emerged she had bought in specially one of those variety packs of cereal so they were eating cocoa pops and frosties for breakfast. We have explained we really don't want to get them into cocoa pops habit, as until now they have been quite happy with a rather plain breakfast cereal. It also emerged she gave them two medium sized Easter eggs each. Surely one small one each would have been sufficient.

I told DH that in future we should ask her not to get in the cereal variety packs specially and only one Easter egg. He disagrees as his mum has health issues and essentially he thinks we should indulge her. I completely disagree as I think the children's health comes first. Both children adore MIL and they do not need to be bribed in this way, they just enjoy spending time with her.

I don't wish to argue with DH about this, I feel like ringing up MIL and politely putting forward my views, which I feel she would probably respect, as she is always very nice to me. Would I be unreasonable to do this?

I don't think the OP IBU with children one piece of crap food can undo a lot of progress, I think their best bet is to go cold turkey with the treats and ask all family members to follow suit, if they can't do it the kids don't stay over. An unsupportive granny who thinks she doesn't have a problem is not a good message for an overweight child.

I Honestly don't think you are being unreasonable as a result of your experience of pulling your DC's BMI down.
However in general I really don't think things that happen from time to time at GP house is a problem
My DC's get to drink chocolate milk at theirs (not at home)
they get to have afternoon tea (proper cakes and sandwiches) at 4pm before dinner at 6.30 (Def not at home)

However we have always used the phrase your house your rules and that has meant it was easy when we get home to say sorry love, not here.

Thanks Rabbit. But, you are telling me things I already knew. I read every word of the thread, so please don't patronise me, by telling me that op is seeing NHS re dd diet. I know that. But op clearly hasn't got to grips with the basics. Or else the weight loss would have been dealt with by now.

Plus, I never said mil didn't need to be talked to. But dh should do it. I suspect he's not really on board.

If people aren't careful they give kids food complexes.
Nine of the children in ds1's class are overweight. Most eat balanced diets of all foods, carbs and most veg, spag bol, burgers, roasts, chocolate and crisps as well. Most do lots of swimming, karate, football etc out of school

Sorry. Typo. None are overweight. In his class of 30. Out of the year of 60, there are only 2 who are a tiny bit overweight.

I just think the 'look at yourself' comment just seemed harsh and blamey.
Saying it wouldn't take years to get better if OP had a grip of the basics is inaccurate as another poster (with first hand experience of NHS dieticions) said that slow progress is the aim and OP said it is going in the right direction.
Still you already knew that didn't you.

Funny this whole treat thing. I visit with my mother, she rarely speaks to my dcs but she buys them junk....that's her way of connecting with them....it's a bit shit but it's all she's got, it makes me feel sad that she is incapable of anything more than being a sugar pusher and I stand by and allow it to happen. I know I sound extreme about this but it's what happens. I wonder how they will see her in a few years?

Rabbit, please stop picking on every word I say.
I was one if about 4 or 5 posters who said almost exactly the same thing. If you want a fight , go pick on one if them.
I still maintain that OP is very blaming, rather than looking at herself.
And for your information, yes I do know quite a bit, about NHs dieticians. I'm not a dietician myself. As a diabetic, since aged if 1 , I have seen dieticians, often every 3 months , for most if my life. Even though I was never overweight.
In fact I saw one 2 months ago, for over an hour, at Kings college hospital.
So do jog on dear.

Oh I take it all back then. If you are diabetic you must know more about children loosing weight than the poster who's child is loosing weight.
Even OP has disappeared from this thread, probably bored of people giving her dietary advice she didn't ask for.