to think MIL is unreasonable re children's diet

[parakeet]

I know this comes up a lot but I do think we have special circumstances going on. One of our children is overweight - she doesn't look it, but her BMI is on the 75th centile. This is something we have been addressing for years, consulting an NHS dietician to get the diet right, we try to get her exercising every day, etc. Her BMI is actually very slowly coming down, but it's obviously something we need to stay on top of. We do allow a maximum of one "treat food" a day, eg an ice cream or a couple of plain biscuits.

We have explained all this to MIL but she seems to feel it's her right to feed the children crap. DH took the children up for a visit this past week, while I worked and it emerged she had bought in specially one of those variety packs of cereal so they were eating cocoa pops and frosties for breakfast. We have explained we really don't want to get them into cocoa pops habit, as until now they have been quite happy with a rather plain breakfast cereal. It also emerged she gave them two medium sized Easter eggs each. Surely one small one each would have been sufficient.

I told DH that in future we should ask her not to get in the cereal variety packs specially and only one Easter egg. He disagrees as his mum has health issues and essentially he thinks we should indulge her. I completely disagree as I think the children's health comes first. Both children adore MIL and they do not need to be bribed in this way, they just enjoy spending time with her.

I don't wish to argue with DH about this, I feel like ringing up MIL and politely putting forward my views, which I feel she would probably respect, as she is always very nice to me. Would I be unreasonable to do this?

You are making far too big a deal about this, and you making a big deal out of it will only distress your dc. Leave it. A couple of days of sugary cereal here and there will make little difference, the other thing about those variety packs, it really is only the 25 or 30g serving, it's not a bloody great bowl.

Bran flakes sneak in as only just below red for high sugar on a traffic lights system for food labeling. Their fine to eat in moderation but probably not something that should be eayten everyday. Yes they are a better option than some cereals but there are plenty of even healthier choices out there.

If your kids went regularly to your MIL then you would BR to speak to her along these lines.

If it's only a few times a year, don't bother. Your child needs to learn sometimes there are special occasions. We have all sorts of crap cereals whenever we are on holiday. Easter is once a year. Two Easter eggs is no bigger. Some kids I know get about 15 each !!

Before you speak to Your MIL I very strongly suggest you find out how many calories are actually in a variety pack of cereal.

We break the eggs into pieces and give the dcs a bit each day for a few days but actually eat a lot of it ourselves and they don't notice. Just because they have been given 2 eggs doesn't mean they have to consume them. I don't think you can say anything about the easter eggs without being rude. And I agree with pp that coco pops every couple of months is no hig deal.

I do have sympathy though as my dd is a little podgy and has a large appetite and also asks for food when tired or bored and thd in grsndparents never refuse her. I try to distract or give bits of veg and my efforts are always being undone as everyone thinks I am paranoid and that it's ok as it's not every day. It is weekly quite often and what with parties etc it all adds up.

OK I'm off to bed now, so thanks again for the comments. I always saw Branflakes as a very very healthy choice for breakfast, so thanks for alerting me to the fact they're more of an amber (and a high amber at that).

As the BMI is slowly coming down I think we will be sticking with our existing strategy of up to one treat a day. I think that is healthier "psychologically" than no treats at all, or perhaps one treat a week. You see I do happen to agree with posters who warn we could be setting up eating issues if we are too strict.

Goodnight all!

I would not be surprised if a variety pack size of coco pops had less calories and sugar than a bowl of free flowing bran flakes. I would not like my DP by passing me to talk to my parents when I had asked for him not to. I would hope we where able to have a conversation where all views were considered including his. As for Easter eggs one time a year then does it matter if one or two, what if next year it is one but twice as large. I make up for family buying eggs by not buying them and rationing them out. We still have selection boxes from christmas.

Children adapt. Mine know that Nutella is a weekend only item and that they have to check the sugar content of cereals in the supermarket. If we are away somewhere and they have a bowl of coco pops - fine - but they won't get them at home.

I don't usually buy biscuits (partly because I would eat them) so the DC don't ask for them.

My worry in all this is what is considered a treat...We do fruit kebabs as a treat.. Fruit faces...

If she is going to grandmas can you not cut down on unhealthy treats for a few days..

Hide two of the Easter eggs. Bring out several weeks from now as special treat. Have them break the other eggs into multiple pieces. Allow them eat it over period if several days.

And ask your MIL to but just one small egg each in future years.

I've seen lots of people on hear in the past say, oh it's only once a month 6/8 weeks (inserts frequency children stay with grandparents) let them feed them what they want. But we've just experienced this for the first time with our two. they stayed two nights over the holidays with IL's and despite it due to me being ill and to give me a break I'm not keen to repeat it anytime soon.
I need to work on more healthy eating with my eldest first. Getting her tp understand the right choices herself. They fed them far too much food to start with, which means both dc have been pestering me for food all week that they wouldn't normally want. So just three days has made them want to eat more, DD has been asking for pudding after every meal which we never do. They fed them sugar loaded cerial and yogurts (large ones not small children's ones). As well as other treat food such as cake, sweets and icream everyday.
I'm really going to have to have words with MIL if they go again. I at this stage certainly wouldn't be sending them at regular intervals as I think it would have an effect on there overall health that often.

I feel your pain but a treat at Easter won't ruin everything and might ensure that your dc don't feel they are being singled out for being fat. My parents achieved this very successfully with me: dragged out of school to see the dietitian, banned from treats.

My own MIL is barking when it comes to food though it has to be said. She'll cut a massive slice of cake which they won't finish (too much for them!) and within 30 minutes will start trying to fill them with biscuits on the grounds they "didn't eat much of their cake". Sweets that "contain fruit juice" are healthy. She was desparate to give them a cornetto with cake yesterday. We have to step in. We're not anti treat, but there is no need to fill them until they feel sick (she has done this to DD1).

It must be really frustrating but I also think your treat a day is a bigger issue. Coco pops at grandmas are nice to look forward to. At home, I think I would be trying to emphasise that a piece of fruit is a treat, maybe a biscuit at weekends. Hummus, cheese cubes, nuts - they are good (and nice!) snacks for week days. As an adult who is working to lose weight a biscuit a day would make my weight stall.

Sounds like you are working really hard to help your child be healthy but also not give them food issues, and that is commendable. There's just nothing wrong with revisiting your daily plan. And it's about health more than weight isn't it anyway? Biscuits and chocolate on a daily basis aren't good for anyone. There are so many other delicious foods which are really good for you but just have much less sugar/refined carbs (which I believe, the more you have of, the more you want anyway)

If it helps, my grandma gave me all sorts of things I didn't get at home. I simple associated those things with grandma's house, and never imagined I'd get them at home. It worked fine! In her case, it was healthier stuff (proper butcher's ham, certain salady things, fancy cheese) but again things we never had at home.

1. Child is not overweight (recent nhs letter I received said > 91 at percentile)
2. cocopops are not that much worse than bran flakes
3. The really damaging thing is bad habit imo, having a biscuit at 3pm every day for example.
4. Your child's bmi has clearly come down, what you are doing is working relax

Just ration the easter eggs as people have said.

Also..if you are worried about her weight. .she doesn't need a treat every day :)

Also I am not sure it's healthy to encourage viewing sugary stuff as a "treat".

I am pretty relaxed about sugar as my DD is thin but dont call it a "treat".

Miggril you are having doubts about sending them again as they gave them sugary cereal?

With respect I think you are worrying too much.

You know bran flakes have sugar and honey in, right?

Generally follow a healthy diet is my motto.

Not seeing grandparents as they feed sugary cereal and refusing to give any chocolate til age 3, as some have said, is in the realms of needing to unclench in my book.

Sorry.

If you have been addressing the problem for years, then I would worry about what you are feeding.

I treat food everyday sounds too much, I would say monthly.

Make treat food that is actually healthy, like frozen bananas and berries blended up to be a healthy ice cream and a small square of dark chocolate rather than a slab of dairy milk.

Also a lot of the kids I know who were denied sugar and sweets to an excessive degree went mad for them later.

I think the 1st thing is to stop using the word 'overweight' for your DD as she clearly isn't anymore and if you keep restricting things based on the fact you still think she is, you are storing up a lot of problems for the future when she has control over her own diet.

I would ask your MIL to cut down the treats for both your children as she is seeing them quite often but kids are good at understanding that different people do different things and you can just explain that there's different rules for the different houses.

Either the DC was never overweight (see my post above about the normal definitions) and weight is being managed for other reasons.

Or OP is using a different centile chart to the NHS, so no-one knows what size the child is.

hiccup some foods should be restricted regardless of whether children are overweight or not. ...... imo.

People often say 'Oh x is skinny (aka 'average') so can get away with it. Erm at the moment maybe but it doesn't mean it won't catch up with them. Most overweight adults were slim as children.