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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think MIL is unreasonable re children's diet

158 replies

parakeet · 20/04/2014 21:11

I know this comes up a lot but I do think we have special circumstances going on. One of our children is overweight - she doesn't look it, but her BMI is on the 75th centile. This is something we have been addressing for years, consulting an NHS dietician to get the diet right, we try to get her exercising every day, etc. Her BMI is actually very slowly coming down, but it's obviously something we need to stay on top of. We do allow a maximum of one "treat food" a day, eg an ice cream or a couple of plain biscuits.

We have explained all this to MIL but she seems to feel it's her right to feed the children crap. DH took the children up for a visit this past week, while I worked and it emerged she had bought in specially one of those variety packs of cereal so they were eating cocoa pops and frosties for breakfast. We have explained we really don't want to get them into cocoa pops habit, as until now they have been quite happy with a rather plain breakfast cereal. It also emerged she gave them two medium sized Easter eggs each. Surely one small one each would have been sufficient.

I told DH that in future we should ask her not to get in the cereal variety packs specially and only one Easter egg. He disagrees as his mum has health issues and essentially he thinks we should indulge her. I completely disagree as I think the children's health comes first. Both children adore MIL and they do not need to be bribed in this way, they just enjoy spending time with her.

I don't wish to argue with DH about this, I feel like ringing up MIL and politely putting forward my views, which I feel she would probably respect, as she is always very nice to me. Would I be unreasonable to do this?

OP posts:
MiaowTheCat · 21/04/2014 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBearPad · 21/04/2014 12:32

I think so Miaow. It's the only thing you can do. Dd has four eggs and 20 odd mini eggs. I should save her from herself shouldn't i.

TheRealYellowWiggle · 21/04/2014 12:38

We managed to spend yesterday morning at church and then yesterday afternoon stuffing our faces with chocolate. The two are not mutually exclusive.

FreudiansSlipper · 21/04/2014 12:39

should you really using any food as a treat

think about this, being good or rewarding in anyway with crap food (which also happens to be delicious) does not really make sense. we only need to look at advertising to see how we have been manipulated into rewarding ourselves with crap food

explain to her you are very concerned about her weight and maybe treats could be a colouring/sticker book, pretty hairbands or whatever she likes that does not cost much

TheRealYellowWiggle · 21/04/2014 12:40

Actually thinking about it it is just me who was doing the stuffing. Ds eats a bit of an egg, then puts it back in the fridge and eats a bit more later. I have offered him some this morning (I'd prefer it out of the house or I will indeed hoover it up) and he said no thanks. It is not necessarily the case that unrestricted access to food means overeating.

TheRealYellowWiggle · 21/04/2014 12:50

I think the insistence that some foods are treats can lead to problems in the long run, in particular comfort eating as you come to associate wanting to feel better with 'treating' yourself. Food is food, I think an everyday/sometime distinction is better if you must label it, rather than a nice/boring divide. If you're still reading OP i do wish you'd revisit your use of this term.

FreudiansSlipper · 21/04/2014 12:55

I agree

I treat myself with food. was never a problem until I developed a underactive thyroid and gained weight

so at 41 I am having to retrain myself and the thing is you become more obsessive about treating yourself it is very to break

ds can eat crap food on occasion he knows he can not have lots of it because it is not good for him

badidea · 21/04/2014 12:57

Miaow - i don't think there has been any collective horror regarding multiple easter eggs on this thread - in fact, most people seem to think letting kids getting filled up on sugary goodness is fine.

The OP's MIL gave 2 eggs each to the kids, your kids appear to have gotten 3 eggs from different people (one a piece?) that's the difference.

I come from a big family, as a child I remember getting 12/13 easter eggs PLUS a six pack of creme eggs..... (a 'treat' I am denying my poor DS's these days - poor thing - how will he cope without it all???)

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/04/2014 13:02

"Coco pops and bran flakes are the food of the devil".

Err really?

FreudiansSlipper · 21/04/2014 13:05

I was talking about this with a friend yesterday, ds and her son got 5 eggs and a few presents

I used to get about 10 eggs but we did not have so much chocolaty food so it was exciting to get chocolate. we did not have as many chocolate biscuits, drinks, puddings, there was only cocopops, now even healthy breakfasts have chocolate versions

AreWeThereYeti · 21/04/2014 13:06

You can have a food treat without it being a 'reward' and also without it being a emotional pick-me-up. It's just called a treat because it's something you dont have regularly. It doesn't have to be processed crap either.
I love white chocolate which is about as nutritionally crap as you can get so I only have it from time to time very much as a treat
I was happy for my kids to relish having food treats. I thought it made them give more thought and appreciation to their diets. As I mentioned earlier, now my kids are adults or nearly adults they still self impose the rule of a treat a day.

I find it hard to believe that no one sees certain types of food as treats? I barely drink but sometimes really look forward to a glass of cold white wine. I see it as something enjoyable and special.

mercibucket · 21/04/2014 13:08

i despise the very word 'treat'

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/04/2014 13:11

Having said that my 7.5 year old DD is currently having her first Froot Shoot as we are travelling and there was nothing else. I am feeling a bit meh about it.

AreWeThereYeti · 21/04/2014 13:19

mercibucket Despising the word treat seems a bit harsh Grin
Most people and children have special or favourite foods or drinks, whether you call them treats or not doesn't make any odds.

badidea · 21/04/2014 13:28

I'm happy with the word treat. My 4 year old asks for treats (trying to instill in him the fact that it's only a treat if he doesn't ask for it, but not quite there yet) but he has will power regarding his chocolate that I have never had.

If you give him the choice of a packet of smarties now or half now and half the next day, he will always go for half now and half later. I'd say that's mainly down to personality but I do think part of it is that he never got chocolate as a regular occurence when 2/3 years old, so he appreciates it's a treat and he wants to make his treat last.

Fanjo - well done on holding out on fruitshoots until 7, I think we caved when dS1 was 3 (we're weak....)

SantanaLopez · 21/04/2014 13:42

Fanjo you should be ashamed of yourself. Are you not doing that mad thing the mad monk did in the Da Vinci and weeping madly Wink

Cut out the daily treats, she doesn't need them.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/04/2014 13:43

Yes I am flagellating myself.

She also had 2 eggs and icecream yesterday.

Will I ever be forgiven Grin

mercibucket · 21/04/2014 13:45
Grin

is it harsh?

Grin

i blame mil. everythings a bloody treat with her.

SantanaLopez · 21/04/2014 13:46

Grin 2 eggs, that's marvellous. I could only manage one!

Oblomov · 21/04/2014 14:01

I think you are cross with mil, when really you need to take this up with dh.
And you are only cross because you have obviously not grasped some of the basics, or your dd's weight problems wouldn't have been going on for tears.

Please stop blaming others- mil, dh, and look at yourself.

Bran flakes? Yuk. One treat per day? Are you serious? For an overweight child.

You really need to sort out your own views on good. To help your dd.

If mil gave her 2, then say thank you and ration them out over the next free weeks. No one said they had to be eaten in one day!!

Martorana · 21/04/2014 14:56

I despise the word treat too-but not the concept. I particularly loathe the construction "treat myself to" to mean "buy" or to mean somebody, usually a woman, doing something perfectly ordinary and to which they are entitled that they feel guilty about. "When I gt home I'm going to treat myself to a long bath" "I'm going to treat myself to a sit down and a cup of tea."
"Pamper" fits in here too- to mean "spending more than 3 minutes an a shower and a hair wash"

AreWeThereYeti · 21/04/2014 15:49

Although I don't mind the word treat I can't stand the L'Oréal marketing phrase "Because you're worth it" or any similar crap. I particularly can't stand any salesman/woman who tries to get me to part with my cash because I 'deserve' it. It's utter bollocks.

MerciBucket. You are more than justified in despising the word treat if your MIL uses it all the time. I know think that would irritate me too.

yorkie84 · 21/04/2014 17:17

Bmi 75 not overweight people

RabbitSaysWoof · 21/04/2014 17:32

Oblomov OP is working with professionals to improve her DDs health, I think its completely irrelevant what started the problem she is moving forward with NHS advice and having great success to achieve a long term goal and in the process give her daughter a healthy attitude towards food (one small treat food a day is a healthy attitude)
Her MIL is completely undermining that, she didnt come here asking others what and how much she should feed her child she asks whether her MIL is overstepping the mark deciding to give her DD a week of crap food.
Any knob can buy a childs affection with sugary junk now OP has to be bad cop and take away and ration a gift that glorious grandma gave.
I really think she would not be unreasonable to put her views politely across to MIL, I'm genuinely shocked that so many people think after her hard work she should consider it MIL's right to sabotage her efforts for a week plus the amount of time the bloody eggs are hanging around for.

MigGril · 21/04/2014 17:52

Fanjo if you read my post you would have realise it wasn't just the sugary cereal. But the cereal + sugar laiden yogurt + cake, sweets and icream all in one day. Plus larger portions for dinners my il's are feeders and have form for it. I centrally wouldn't want to them to have that sort of diet on any regular baise.

sugar cereal on its own as a treat at the grandparents, with some cake after tea I could live with. but not that much in one go its too much.