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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think MIL is unreasonable re children's diet

158 replies

parakeet · 20/04/2014 21:11

I know this comes up a lot but I do think we have special circumstances going on. One of our children is overweight - she doesn't look it, but her BMI is on the 75th centile. This is something we have been addressing for years, consulting an NHS dietician to get the diet right, we try to get her exercising every day, etc. Her BMI is actually very slowly coming down, but it's obviously something we need to stay on top of. We do allow a maximum of one "treat food" a day, eg an ice cream or a couple of plain biscuits.

We have explained all this to MIL but she seems to feel it's her right to feed the children crap. DH took the children up for a visit this past week, while I worked and it emerged she had bought in specially one of those variety packs of cereal so they were eating cocoa pops and frosties for breakfast. We have explained we really don't want to get them into cocoa pops habit, as until now they have been quite happy with a rather plain breakfast cereal. It also emerged she gave them two medium sized Easter eggs each. Surely one small one each would have been sufficient.

I told DH that in future we should ask her not to get in the cereal variety packs specially and only one Easter egg. He disagrees as his mum has health issues and essentially he thinks we should indulge her. I completely disagree as I think the children's health comes first. Both children adore MIL and they do not need to be bribed in this way, they just enjoy spending time with her.

I don't wish to argue with DH about this, I feel like ringing up MIL and politely putting forward my views, which I feel she would probably respect, as she is always very nice to me. Would I be unreasonable to do this?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 20/04/2014 21:26

With the cereals, I'm more concerned that that taste of cocoa pops will stop them being so happy to eat Branflakes in future.

If they don't have them they won't want to eat them. A couple of days of eating them is only going to become an issue if you let it.

TBH a quick google shows that bran flakes have 6g of sugar per 30g, coco pops 11g so neither are ideal really!

EvaBeaversProtege · 20/04/2014 21:26

Branflakes? :(

Really?

Porridge, cornflakes, weetabix, any of it would be better than branflakes.

BecauseImWoeufIt · 20/04/2014 21:29

Actually, if you're really concerned about weight, you'd be better off avoiding cereals altogether ...

OfficerVanHalen · 20/04/2014 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn · 20/04/2014 21:29

I think this all depends on how often they are seeing their gran, surely?

Passthecake30 · 20/04/2014 21:30

I think it depends on how often she sees her. My kids are completely spoilt by their nan who sees them every 6-8 weeks but at home they have a more balanced diet.

Though they are 4&6 and have been given 8 easter eggs and 28mini bags of haribos each from my dmall family...you think you have problems!

MoonRover · 20/04/2014 21:30

This isn't worth fighting over. I think children will understand that they get coco pops at grandma's house and not at home. And two Easter Eggs is a lot BUT only if eaten all at once.

In all honesty, I agree that the one treat food a day issue could be addressed.

However, I think she should respect your rules too, and some middle ground could be reached.

How do you get on with her generally, is this issue symptomatic of a larger problem?

lollerskates · 20/04/2014 21:31

I think you need a new dietitian TBH.

Mintyy · 20/04/2014 21:32

But how often Parakeet?

Two Easter eggs can last 3 months in this house.

ashtrayheart · 20/04/2014 21:33

Cocoa pops habit Shock
Mine either have shreddies (no sugar) or sometimes chocolate 'pillows' they like them both the same. Sugary cereal isn't quite like crack- it's not like once you've had some you're doomed Wink

AuntieStella · 20/04/2014 21:34

I'm a bit confused as published NHS information says a child is overweight only if their BMI centile is over 91st (obese at or over 98th).

So presumably for intervention on 75th, there are other health issues too. In which case it is utterly inappropriate for anyone to undermine what must be a very carefully considered regime.

Original poster
parakeet · 20/04/2014 21:34

OK, to answer people's questions, she sees them about once every six to eight weeks, for about three or four days. So no, not that often I guess. However it worries me to think of new habits being acquired in those periods. Habits like chocolate for breakfast.

Actually, for the BMI to slowly come down over several years is exactly what the NHS dietician said she wanted to happen. So I feel we are on track really.

In general I agree it is nice for grandparents to spoil their grandchildren. But when this is jepardising what is, in effect, a health condition? Can't she spoil them in other ways?

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 20/04/2014 21:34

Actually, if you're really concerned about weight, you'd be better off avoiding cereals altogether ...

Yup. Eggs are better if you want a nutritious breakfast.

ashtrayheart · 20/04/2014 21:35

As for Easter eggs I end up eating them as mine aren't that fussed on chocolate Hmm

Joules68 · 20/04/2014 21:35

I agree cereal is bad for us.... Hidden sugar in most of it, bran flakes included

Are your mil health issues to do with weight/diet?

Slackgardener · 20/04/2014 21:36

I agree 2 eggs are excessive. Is 75% BMI overweight? I thought it was normal.

Must admit we are just back from visiting my family and the amount of junk they were fed was ludicrous, my dcs are very skinny but the adults were fighting over buying them junk. 1/2 litre of coke, big bags of crisps, big bars of chocolate, eggs and Haribos and my mother who was a big part of it only seemed to get annoyed when they couldn't eat dinner. The amount of junk food my family eats and feeds their kids is truly shocking, but I don't think they are unusual...you have my sympathies OP.

ashtrayheart · 20/04/2014 21:36

But habits can be kept to situations? She doesn't have to have the same at home.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/04/2014 21:39

Parakeet - I suspect your children would understand different rules at home than at grandma's house. You are the major authority figure in their lives, and if you give them plain cereal, and tell them hat the coco pops are a treat for occasional visits to grandma, they will accept it.

For ds1, going to grandma meant being given a dippy egg for his breakfast - he knew he wasn't going to get that, as a rule, at home, and accepted that plain cereals were what he got mostly, and dippy eggs were for treats at grandma's.

I would also caution about being too controlling about food. My mum was very controlling indeed - watching every single portion size, how much butter we put on our toast, making sure we had only the one, single tsp of sugar she allowed in coffee or on cereal, allowing us one sweet from the tin each day, limiting how many slices of bread we could have (only one) - it left me with a very unhealthy relationship with food, and when I left home, and was in charge of my own money and my own diet, I went bonkers on unhealthy food, and have never managed to mend that or my relationship with food, to this day.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 20/04/2014 21:39

I don't understand what you mean by getting a taste of coco-pops will stop them eating branflakes?
My children have had coco-pops at grandmas and still eat branflakes / Weetabix type cereals at home. If they complain (which my 2 rarely do) I just say "well its branflakes or go hungry, I have nothing else in!"... and they eat them.
Eating treats with grandma doesn't mean they get it at home too. You just make it clear that they eat what you would like them to eat at home, and they eat what grandma has when with her.
My children know granddad gives them haribo, but that with mummy they get sweets only occasionally. If they eat a lot of sweet things with granddad I give less treats for the rest of the week to even it out a bit.
I wouldn't ring her to be honest. I think she is just doing what grandmas do. I would however offer the DC fewer treats over the next few days to even it out a bit, offer fruit instead. Next year suggest a book your child would love or a small toy instead of the eggs, but don't make a big deal out of what she did this year.

Sirzy · 20/04/2014 21:41

The problem is to start banning foods, or making them out to be a 'treat' is probably going to do more harm in the long run. Aiming for them to understand an 'everything in moderation' type attitude is going to be much more beneficial.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 20/04/2014 21:41

You can't acquire a habit in 3-4 days every 6-8 weeks. If she asks at home you just say no we don't have those here they are for granny's house.

I agree with a previous poster though that you don't really have a leg to stand on criticising you MIL for giving an occasional treat when visiting if you give treats like biscuits or ice cream everyday.

Only1scoop · 20/04/2014 21:41

Depends how often they stay there....
Sounds like she gets little treats in the cereal etc. If its now and then I would say nothing. The two eggs....mil just spoiling them surely....the eggs can last a while because she's not going to be eating them in one go. I think it's kind she makes an effort with them.

I hate both sugary cereal for my dd and excessive chocolate. If its a really regular occurrence then have a word re your concern.

IamInvisible · 20/04/2014 21:42

A child can not form a habit of eating chocolate for breakfast at home if their parents don't buy it for them!

If I had an overweight child they wouldn't be getting "treat food" everyday.

Only1scoop · 20/04/2014 21:44

Every 6 to 8 weeks....does your Dh stay there with her? He could keep an eye out for excessive treats as he knows your concerns....

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 20/04/2014 21:45

According to this CDC.gov website 5th to 85th percentile is normal. Above 85th percentile is overweight. So your DD is not over weight by that BMI score you gave.