To feel sad how so many here view family?

[Grennie]

I understand that not everyone has a good relationship with their family and some family members are actively abusive, I am not talking about those.

But when I grew up, family would pop round for a cup of tea, or knock on the door and see if you had 5 minutes to chat. On here it all seems to be about making appointments and boundaries, as if family always have to be kept at a distance. It seems a retreat into a small nuclear family, with everyone else on the outside.

YANBU. Only on MN have I come across people giving family member appointment times and refusing it answer the door and phone.

Sorry for the typos

I find it odd too. My door is always open to family, to anyone in fact.

I can understand giving times if family are prone to 'just popping in' all the time. Not everyone has the luxury of being always available. Isn't it better to know you're welcome than have someone trying to hurry a cup of tea down your neck because they have things to do - like work.

And some people don't get the concept of calling first to check you're free.

Bit tricky when you live a long way from any family.

Sometimes you get so (figuratively) slapped in the face you have to keep the door closed.

Why do you feel sad because some people are different from you?

The vast majority of my family are busy with their own dc and work. So I don't see them often. Tbh I would get annoyed if people kept coming round when I was doing stuff

We don't live in the small, close communities we did when I was growing up - when all back doors were open and you popped in and out as and when.

More women work outside the home and family time is more precious now. Hell, just having half an hour to hoover is getting less likely.

It is not wrong to want some privacy, some down time. Anyone who pops in for a chat during my down time is not going to get a warm welcome! Let me know you are coming and I will answer the door when you knock!

Because people are told all the time how awful it is if family emmbers just pop by, or if they want to see family members more than once every few months, despite living very close by. Seems odd to me if there are no issues.

It's not about nuclear family, it's about privacy. I don't mind some of my family dropping in (some of them I need advance warning if they're going to be in the same country). I have two grandparents who live alone, one likes dropping in on me and likes people dropping in on him, one doesn't drop in on me and likes that I ring ahead. It's not about nuclear families and attitudes to family? It's just people's personalities and how comfortable they are with visitors whether family, friends or strangers. As long as someone doesn't expect you to make an appointment but they can barge in on you, what's the problem?

I think this is one of those "if you haven't been there, you can't understand" situations.

If you have a difficult relationship with your family, why should they feel entitled to walk into your home whenever they feel like it?

People with happy, positive relationships probably don't need to ask advice or vent on an internet forum.

withextra - No, there are people on here with positive relationships who think popping in for 5 minutes is toxic behaviour.

thread about a thread?

I agree to a certain point. We live 2 doors away from PSL and I have no problem with them popping by (which is maybe once a week) but would be uncomfortable if it was everyday

You are going to accuse me of being unnecessarily rude, but I think it is pathetic you feel "sad" that other people don't want to live in their family's pockets. Pathetic, short-sighted and unimaginative.

*PIL

Yanbu

No, not a thread about a thread. This keeps being discussed on here.

Yanbu. There is a bizarre thread at the moment with lots of people telling the OP that she musn't talk to her parents about her pregnancy because it is boring and they won't be interested in supporting her through her first pregnancy.

I can see that it must be nice to have that sort of closeness. But if you don't, then surely you can see it would be awkward to fake it?

I am very fond of both of my brothers, and I do wish we lived nearer, but since we don't, if one of them turned up on the doorstep unannounced I would assume something bad had happened. If they lived two streets away, it'd be no trouble to tell them I was busy and to come back later, but you don't have this casualness if they're not so close by.

I am 40 and don't remember people just popping around for a chat ever. Things were always pre arranged (even if it was just a quick 'phone call beforehand) and that was what suited everyone.

I think Nomama was right when they said that with more women/people working outside of the home there is less free time and so down time to just enjoy your own peace and quiet is very precious.

I pride myself on giving a warm welcome to friends and family if it's prearranged, at everyone's convenience and no one outstays their welcome. However if someone turned up unannounced they wouldn't necessarily be welcomed in.

It is a thread about a thread though isn't it? You're talking directly about the poster whose inlaws have moved from miles away to very close to them and who let themselves into her kitchen. The ones who want to spend a day with the gc every weekend, despite the fact that her dh works away all week?

I get on ok with my family and inlaws but I would never want to see them every day, or even every week. Its cos people are different, see?