To feel sad how so many here view family?

[Grennie]

I understand that not everyone has a good relationship with their family and some family members are actively abusive, I am not talking about those.

But when I grew up, family would pop round for a cup of tea, or knock on the door and see if you had 5 minutes to chat. On here it all seems to be about making appointments and boundaries, as if family always have to be kept at a distance. It seems a retreat into a small nuclear family, with everyone else on the outside.

That's your opinion, Grennie, and I wouldn't entirely disagree. But you surely can't be suggesting that we tell people to pop in and out of our homes just so we can meet the social mores you espouse?

I'd kill the first person who stepped over the threshold [smile}

Grennie, not 'grannies'. Grr.

I live near my family, though I sometimes wish I didn't as it creates an obligation. They never drop in though, they keep their distance. I am fine with that, we're all different after all.

I think it is bad for people because it increases loneliness and insularity.

Nomama - Do what you want. I am just some random person on the net. I can't make anyone do anything.

The closest family live 50 minutes drive from us. It's 5 hours for my family. My eldest BIL lives 3 hours from his family. The younger lives 2.5 hours from his. My SIL lives 7 hours from hers. The other SIL is a plane ride away.

Maybe if you have a family that stays in the same location and no one moves more than 30 minutes away from where they were born then it is more likely you will have an open door policy.

When your mother tells you she wishes you'd never been born, treats you like dirt, then extends it to your own children, having an open door policy is hard. It is much better to move over 100 miles away and have caller-display on the phone!

I don't see that it follows, Grennie. For the people who don't want spontaneous callers, having family dropping in unannounced would just add irritation and inconvenience, surely, rather than be a magic cure for loneliness?

That's so shitty Invisible. No one would blame you for having a crocodile filled moat.

I live near my family and the cheeky buggers are always popping round whenever They feel like It expecting lunch, dinner and brews just like I always do with them.

DH's family make appointments so to speak but live at the opposite end of the country to us so need to make sure we're about before they call.

I agree with Burren.

Family is about mutual bonds and support, friends can serve the same function. So the person being dropped in might not be lonely and be irritated, but the person dropping in might desperately need to chat to someone.

My family are mildly toxic and we require clear boundaries to keep our children safe. HTH

Why do you 'feel sad' about what 'random people on the internet' do? Sounds a bit toxic and boundary-less to me, but then my radar is on hight

*highly sensitive setting

Depends who really. If it's my mum or dad or brother and his family then they are welcome any time and certainly wouldn't be expected to knock on the door! I drop into my parents' house without an appointment too. If they're in that's great; if not, no problem. My parents have a key to my house and I have one to theirs.

To each their own though. I am happy with the way my family works but don't stress about anyone else's

I might get one Havant!

Grennie That is what family is to you, not everyone else. My family aren't supportive, they just cause upset and grief. When my DC have left home they will be welcome at anytime.

To each their own OP. That's all i can say.
You have a loose open house arrangement and you enjoy it.
I don't, and I enjoy not having it. I don't like people popping round.
That's not to say i don't love my family, because I do - mil lives just round the corner, and we actually moved here to be close to her. We do see her and get along very well, but we don't live in each other's pockets. It's mutual and amicable.
You needn't feel sad for me. Your way isn't the way, and we're content with ours.

The majority of examples of 'toxic' relatives on this site are nothing of the sort!.

My family is close but would probably be considered weird by some posters. All of us can be twats at times or thoughtless or selfish because we're human and get it wrong on occasion but we don't hold it against each other or claim that any one of us are awful.

I've seen posts here where people say that once you get married and/or have children, your parents and siblings are now no longer immediate family and are now 'extended family'. Parents and siblings not immediate family? Only on this site!.

I feel sad that this is how society seems to be going. It does not make for a healthy society.

Yanbu. There is a bizarre thread at the moment with lots of people telling the OP that she musn't talk to her parents about her pregnancy because it is boring and they won't be interested in supporting her through her first pregnancy.

FFS you conveniently forgot the sibling's abortion.

Grennie unfortunately for some of us loneliness and insularity are the only options.

In your opinion

It does not make for a healthy society

Is there evidence for this?

lollerskates - There is lots of research that the increasing level of loneliness and insularity is making people less happy and less healthy.