To wonder where all the normal, single men are?

[Needsmorecake]

because, sure as hell, they are not within a 50 mile radius of me.

This comes off the back of being let down again. I was meant to have a date tomorrow, now i do not.

Lovely man, 40, deputy head of an ' outstanding school' Not only did he send me the most 'penisey' photo, where even in jogging bottoms his cock felt the need to make its presence known, but, after some internet reasearch, i found he had two facebook accounts, one of which he is only friends with very young, very naked, eastern women.

I cancelled the date, clearly he is nuts. However, this seems to be the case more often than not, and its so very very tiring.

Ive been single for 5.5 years, i dont want to remarry, but id just like someone, it seems so impossible.

superstar I am sure you are right, I am attracted to men over 6'4", in their late 20s/early 30s (or look like they're in that age range!) and very good looking, dress well, good job, own home, confident, but they always turn out to be arrogant abusive entitled bastards. I should go for the not so good looking, not so confident guys, but then I was seeing a guy last year for a bit who was short, ugly, bald and awful body and he ended up being in my top 3 bad boyfriends pile. But I just don't fancy these guys, I didn't fancy him, I had to close my eyes and force myself to kiss him and I never once looked at any part of him and thought phwoarrrrr. I know it was incredibly shallow of me but his physical appearance really turned me off and I found I couldn't look at him for long as I really felt physically nauseous. Even in the early days when he was wonderful (personality wise) and initially the best boyfriend I'd ever had, before I found out everything he told me was total bullshit, he'd taken me for a complete ride, stole from me, cheated, was irresponsible, immature and really REALLY screwed up mentally, I still had to turn the lights off, close my eyes and imagine someone else and that's not fair on the guy. I have to fancy them to be with them. And I just don't fancy short, balding, fat, scruffy, ugly men. I actually really wish I did, I need some Shallow Hal hypnosis make-over, because I'm sure that's partly where I'm going wrong.

oh ps. AND he sent me a cock shot! Didn't see it for months after he sent it, it got lost in the ether somewhere before it came through but I was gutted when it did and that was the beginning of the end.

Oh bollocks to lowering standards, what a terrible way to think. That's how you end up just settling for any old bloke rather than being alone. What a shit way to live.

I don't want to be with someone thinking 'Oh, he'll do', and I certainly don't want him to think that of me either!

I'm attractive, clever, well-off, intelligent and I make (when I have the opportunity) a bloody fantastic girlfriend. I deserve a man who is at least the male equivalent of me. It says much for OD that in 5 years I have met precisely one man who fits that bill (and who, despite being a nice, normal-ish person, doesn't want a relationship with anyone. Ever. So that's him out of the equation).

Meeting through work always sounds great. Not so good if you're either in a largely female workplace or (like me) one of the more senior people there. Once you achieve a certain level of seniority as a woman, workplace dating is a non-starter.

Exactly Velvet, I want a man who can equal or better me. I've not met any in the last 3 years who have come close. If they can equal me in some ways they fall drastically short in others. If they have a good job, their own place, a car and a reasonable income they are arrogant, old, fat and chauvenistic. If they are good looking, take care of their appearance and are fun and confident and sexy, they stil llive with their mothers and are lying cheats and abusive. If they are kind and respectful and responsible... well I wouldn't know I've not met any yet!

I'd rather be alone than settle and actually I am happy alone. But I do feel the pressure to be in a couple and I would like company and sex and love, in theory, but then I don't really because I don't want to compromise and I know I'd have to in some ways, and I don't want to share my kids with him and I don't want his baggage of ex wives and kids... I dunno. I'm just happy having given up for now at least, it just pisses me off that my ex's have been such a catologue of all that is wrong with the world that it's got me to this stage.

Oh I didn't mean cock shots are acceptable. In the past I have fancied short guys and I have fancied bald guys... I'm just not sure I fancy short, bald guys!

I think there is too much pressure to be with someone. I've had women say... But it doesn't matter if you don't fancy them... Er yes it does!

I feel your pain, OP. I was on POF for about 6 years I think, on and off. One guy I went on a date with admitted half way through that he was married and just wanted to find a new mistress so that he could kick the old one out of his house!!! I was gobsmacked.

And then you imagine how much harder it is when you aren't anything special in the looks department; I'm very overweight and average looking. Only time wasters and chancers, men who think "oh, she's ugly, she'll be desperate for a shag", or immigrants after uk citizenship.

I was at the point of giving up entirely, when I logged on and managed to snap up my (now) fiancé. He had just, literally, put up his profile, so no one else had got their mitts on him! Turned out he lived just up the road and we had loads of mutual acquaintances, he even knew my dad! No one had thought to put us together, but once we were, everyone said we were perfect for one another.

That said, I had made my mind up by then on the few things that were essential deal breakers in a partner, and let go a load of unreasonable things that actually don't matter ( such as looks, a 'type', lifestyle, etc)

I decided that he would have to be:

Not be rich but solvent; i.e. have a job
Have a sense of humour
Not live with mummy
Be kind and generous

Pretty much everything else was negotiable.

Lol! Of course it does! How can you have sex with someone long term if you don't fancy them? And if you're not having sex it's just a friend surely!

Well I just had a quick look on Plenty of Fish and yeah, I'm not missing anything!! Why does every man on their have their profile photo either shirtless (bleurgh - arrogant), posing on holiday in sunglasses but never smiling so they look like arrogant posers, extreme close ups so you can't actually see them, far distant shots so you can't see them or arty black and white professional shots. Can none of them just do a nice, smiling, normal photo so you can actually see what they look like? And so many of the guys have things like "tell me a joke and if it makes me laugh I'll reply" - I'm sorry, I'm on this planet purely to impress you and if I do you may dane to respond, taking precious time out of your important life to speak to someone like me so obviously beneath you?? Don't think so.

Wow, clearly I'm tired and can't type anymore! Lol! Too many tpos to correct! Night all, I'm going to go dream of my non existant knight in shining armour!

Most of the men I've met aren't my equal in terms of intelligence, job, or financial position. And whilst actually none of that is a massive deal for me (I don't expect a fellow Oxbridge graduate, just someone who's capable of rational thought and a decent conversation) experience has taught me that it is for men, and it doesn't (usually) make for a good relationship.

I've never really dated anyone I didn't find attractive in some way (a few slipped through the net as first dates, but I never saw them again). I've kissed a lot of men (a minibus full in one night once....those were the days!) but I've never had to force myself to kiss anyone, I just couldn't do it. If I didn't find a man attractive I wouldn't even let them kiss my cheek.

I don't feel pressure to be in a couple, but I do want to be in one. I miss the emotional and physical closeness you get from a relationship, I miss regular sex, and the only way you get this is with a boyfriend/partner. So I will keep hoping one comes along sooner or later, because short of giving up, that's about all I can do.

I'd be interested if someone could suggest where I (and other women like me!) can meet a normal man outside of OD (which lets be honest is a waste of time for most people!) or work, which as I've said above is a non-starter.

I go to the gym - people don't chat there. Actually not strictly true, one bloke did ask me out, but he wasn't attractive, had long nails and nicotine-stained fingers (yuck). I now go at 6.30 in the morning when I'm the only one there, so that's that out.

As a LP, I need to be home weekday evenings, so can't do evening classes or clubs.

Pubs and clubs round here are full of jack the lad/salt of the earth types (not for me), who think I'm a 'lady' because I don't use the C word in every other sentence.

None of my friends know any single men, or certainly not any that son't have a criminal recordthey'd want to introduce me to.

Which doesn't seem to leave much really!

Nice single men exist (I know some, I am not one), I think lots are either busy being ignored, or busy having their hearts ripped into a million pieces, and the pieces jumped up and down on.

Many facets of nice men are rejected out of hand by the same women who lament their absence, or punished brutally as weaknesses, so guys adapt and become arseholes.

I suspect it might be the same for nice ladies, but that's just a guess. :p

I'm 26 and trying but it's hard.

I had a message on one the other day.. It read : wanna bang ?

I've also tried a popular dating app...one guys profile photo was his cock.

I'm a nice single man. The 'normal' bit is overrated. Normal is another word for dull.

Oh velvet I think I dated him. Knew him socially and we texted etc and it was back when I didn't mind being casual - to be fair still don't noticing wrong with a casual shag if you enjoy it. Anyway same as you couple of photos , I tried to get him to come over for a shag and he made excuses. I gave up in he end. He really just wanted the fantasy. Why I will never understand.

Troglodad I think there might be something to that. I used to be a lot nicer than I am but I have become hardened and intolerant and constantly looking for red flags and bad behaviour after years of being used and abused and taken advantage of. My tolerance level has dropped dramatically and is probably too low now but instead of seeing a man who left a dish out as just a man who left a dish out, he's now a chauvenistic entitled bastard who will expect me to clean up after him and has mummy issues and could even turn violent if I answered back or told him to pick up his shit.

Maybe we're all as damaged as each other and doomed to write everyone else off due to our own unresolved issues and crap histories. God that's a depressing thought!

I think that's likely to be the problem Trogload. The decent, single guys I know don't actually know where to meet decent women either. I think women get it worse due to these cock shots but it is equally a dilemma for men.

Decent guys won't approach and impose on women in gyms and don't want to meet women in bars/clubs. If there is no one in work then it doesn't leave much. As someone mentioned previously, online dating is mostly a waste of time so it's nigh on impossible to find someone decent.

Ah, lowering standards. Yeah, could do that.but like a poster above ive dropped everything on my list to the bare min. They need to be nice, have a job, not be living at home, and have some personality.
everything else is a bonus.

But there has to be some attraction there, i have somewhat unconvential taste in looks anyway, but havedated lots of types.

Ive even dated short men. One of which i had a great date with. He extended it about 3 times so i was ptetty sure he liked me too. I asked him out for a second date, and got rejected. He said it was like hanging out with his best friend even though we had just met. And that he didnt feel like he did when he saw his last gf....who he met when he was 16! He was 32.he didnt want to see me again because he didnt feel like he did when he was 16...even though we had a great time for 6hours.
Insane.

I always stop myself messaging anyone who looks vaguely decent because I'm big.
I am pretty confident, well educated and know I have a lot to bring to a relationship but "fat" is often the ultimate turn off for many people. I have a mix of face and full body pictures on my profiles...but I do feel it stops me messaging some men. I suppose they can always not reply.

Do you think that, if the gates of internet sleaze could somehow be shut, this 'beast' of male bad behaviour could got back in its cage?

Or is it too late, Pandora's box has been opened, the combination of the testosterone-fuelled desire for a lifetime of random shags being authorised by social mores and facilitated by internet anonymity, and womens' ability to live independently of a man, has sounded the death knell for the human pair bond as a normal way of living.?

It's too late for me, I'm in my 50s and been single for 20 years, have had most of the OD experiences outlined above except the rubbish sex (never got past a coffee) and the cockshot - but I do want my daughters to know the satisfaction and contentment of a loving relationship, and there seems to be a real shift away from commitment.

(I'm now waiting for SGB to come along and tell me I'm misguided in thinking that's a good way to live,,, )

I think you're right about Pandora's box being opened. For me, the only option is to keep my standards high. Make it clear of what I expect in a relationship and most importantly, be prepared to leave if it's not working. Never get in a position where you "have" to stay in a relationship. Being single for the last few years has taught me so much about independence and given me a lot of self esteem, and I wouldn't put up with a poor relationship ever again.

Of course this approach might mean staying single for a very long time, but so what?

There is a very real shift, yes.
maybe a combination of the internet,loaded magazine and younger men growing up around that, easy access to hardcore porn.

Though i now dont have a check list of things i want,i will not tolerate shit behaviour, being lied to, not being treated with respect. Which i do think is why ive been on my own for so long. From the rare first dates that do lead to dating,ive been the one to do the dumping everytime.

Needsmorecake. I have seen your picture. You look lovely! You are also evidently articulate and witty. I despair of my future having read this thread. I am in a relationship which I am very happy with but I don't know if it will last.
If that happens I will buy a cat and cut out the middle men!

I kind of see it in my younger male friends. One is 20 and a virgin. He refuses to even talk to any girl unless they are 'stunning' they are so far out of his league its a joke. Hes a lovely boy, funny, very kind and caring, he would make a great boyfriend... but he wont entertain a girl whos not a size 6 with long blonde hair.

Another is 18. Again, a virgin. Nice boy, same situation. He wants a 'worldie'which is some geordie shore term i think. He idiolises justin beeiber... he wants naked hos like he has. He thinks he can get them. He thinks thats his right.

they will be the dating site users of the future, no experience with women but expecting the earth.

Needsmorecake

Whatever you do, don't lower your standards and don't put up with any crap. Lots of our friends put up with crap and it just serves to perpetuate shitty behaviour.

Better to be single with standards than with someone unsuitable.

I know loads! There is a shortage of nice normal single women in my area I think.

S1. Divorced, teenage dc, one lives with him, other lives with his ex. 40's. Lovely guy, non smoker, own home, car etc. Badly hurt by ex so a bit shy but lots of fun when you get to know him.

S2. 40 next month, single for 5years after a car accident left him with a badly scarred leg. Apparently this puts women off Desperately wants to meet someone, settle down and have dc. I have never known a man so broody.

B. late 20's. Physically fit as fuck. Teetotal (body is a temple) good looking, everyone loves him, but can't get a girlfriend.

P. 30ish. Good looking, slightly overweight, lives alone, really good fun, again can't find a girlfriend.

Any takers?

I dont lower standards...id rather be on my own. Hence ive dumped every date thats gone past a first date. I know my worth,and if im not treated as such then its goodbye from me.

Jonsnow, im hardly thin myself. Ive dated when thinner and fatter and it makes not a jot of difference. Actually i think ive got past the first date more often when ive been a size 16. Message away :)