To wonder where all the normal, single men are?

[Needsmorecake]

because, sure as hell, they are not within a 50 mile radius of me.

This comes off the back of being let down again. I was meant to have a date tomorrow, now i do not.

Lovely man, 40, deputy head of an ' outstanding school' Not only did he send me the most 'penisey' photo, where even in jogging bottoms his cock felt the need to make its presence known, but, after some internet reasearch, i found he had two facebook accounts, one of which he is only friends with very young, very naked, eastern women.

I cancelled the date, clearly he is nuts. However, this seems to be the case more often than not, and its so very very tiring.

Ive been single for 5.5 years, i dont want to remarry, but id just like someone, it seems so impossible.

It's unbelievable but think the internet has opened up the floodgates for the losers to let loose on the unsuspecting public.

If it's any consolation I've worked with many decent, respectful single males that are also struggling to find a suitable partner. Being an engineer, women in the workplace are extremely rare so men can find themselves single for years. Most don't consider online dating and aren't party animals so are stuck in no mans land.

Is there anyway to report these people and have them removed from the site?

Not wanting to count my chickens but I seem to be getting more interest than normal from - gasp - kind of normal-ish men. Well, they seem so ...

I don't know what's more laughable.

The idea that it's all to do with the part of the country you live in, that you ONLY get losers because you don't message them first. Or the 'Oh I've got a lovely friend who's single...actually he's not really interested in women'.

Sigh.

I've sent loads of 'first' messages (back when I was still stupid enough to believe there was a chance of me meeting anyone decent via OD) and 90% of the time I never even got a reply.

I suspect if there are any normal single men left out there, they are NOT on dating sites (paid or otherwise, before that old chestnut of 'you get better men on paid sites' gets brought up. I got sent a 2 min wanking video from a man on a paid site. At least on the free sites I was only subjected to pictures!)

Oh god, i forgot the wanking videos! Ive had a few, all from paid sites.
AND, ive had a series of instagramed wanking photos.

WHY?

I only met polite, normal people. I've hardly ever got past the first date though, so maybe I'm just not sending out the right 'vibes'.

How?
I do wish i had only met normal people.

I dont think its usual to get past the first date, most people i know who have done any online dating, just get stuck in endless first dates.

I don't know whether to start a campaign encouraging women on these sites to rip these disgusting slimy boys a new one every time they send the cock shots or the "hey yo baby I wanna fuck you up the arse" messages till the message gets out that it is unacceptable and will no longer be tolerated, or whether it's best they keep sending those messages so we know they are the ones to avoid!!!! At least by sending them we are not wasting our time and getting our hopes up that they are nice normal guys only to find out what utter pricks they are later down the line. I cannot tell you how many dick photos I have seen in the last 3 years but it's enough to turn me lesbian, and in fact I have seriously considered it so I don't have to deal with men any more!!! It's not even just the guys online, every single time I've started seeing a guy within a few dates ding! There it is. Another ugly cock flashing up on my phone. And this is AFTER I've moaned to all of them about the cock shots on dating sites. Honestly I think men are missing a good chunk of their brains, maybe there is something in the water the last decade that has changed them from decent guys to utter wankers, but something has definitely gone wrong. It wasn't like this when I was dating 20 years ago. I actually find it quite upsetting and scary sometimes and I feel very intimidated often by the attitude of men. It takes me a hell of a lot to let a guy know where I live now. I'm going to start giving out a false name soon till I trust them.

It is kind of similar to flashing really, isnt it.

I used to find it quite amusing, but now ive been sent maybe 60/70/80 different cocks, i end up feeling a bit violated.

That's exactly it Needs, violated. Once or twice was a laugh and a random freak, but when it is all the time it makes me feel worthless, like no man will ever have any respect for me or see me as anything other than a walking vagina to be used as they see fit and it makes me feel like shit. It has totally put me off men and now when a decent man flirts with me I imediately get on edge thinking he is going to try and grope me or send cock shots or try to use me for sex or even attack me, it actually freaks me out now whenever someone flirts and I automatically run. And I used to LOVE flirting! I was a great flirt! But now it just feels dirty.

The thing is though, the men that do this shit really don't care what response they get from women. They don't want relationships - lots of them are actually married/in relationships (and clearly get some sort of titillation from bombarding strangers on the internet with cock shots/revolting messages), and the single ones are just after a sexual thrill or (at a stretch) a ONS.

Long ago, when I was first single, and new to OD, I got into an exchange of texts over a period of a couple of months with a guy. I think he may have sent a pic or two as well (which naively, and having no-one to ask I thought was perhaps the modern 'norm'). He was single, younger than me. On MANY occasions he asked if he could come round and see me, clearly as some sort of booty call - I declined. Eventually one night, slightly tipsy and against my better judgment, I said yes, ok. He then prevaricated for a couple of hours, and ultimately declined. SO really, he didn't want actual sex with an actual woman, he wanted a fantasy which was 99% in his head. I suspect he's not alone in that. Go figure.

you are absolutely right about that.

Ive had similar, one guy i really liked the look of, was feeling very sex starved, so i agreed to meet him for coffee, though there had been a high level of smut, so much so that it was pretty much a done deal.
I got stood up.

I cant even get casual sex!!

Pah! All cock shots and smutty talk and nothing to back it up.

You know I wouldn't mind so much if they actually knew what to do with the damn things but most of them haven't got a clue! I'm 37 years old, i have been having sex for 20 years, I like to think I know my way round a willy, I've certainly never had any complaints and had a few reactions I'm rather privately proud of, I'm frequently told I am amazing in bed, and actually I do think I'm pretty good, I make an effort, I'm confident, I have a few skills, so is it unreasonable to expect a man of a similar age and experience to know his way around my nethers?? Honestly the majority of them I'm kind of laying there with a confused/pained expression on my face trying to work out exactly what it is he's attempting to do down there. And worse still, when I've tried to train them they are not interested! They all seem to think it's too much hard work and why bother when you can sqirt a blob of KY and he'll be done in 2 minutes. If he knew what he was doing he wouldn't need KY. Is it too much to ask that a man actually care if I'm enjoying myself & if it feels good & lasts more than 2 thrusts for me?? Do they going down in my sexual history as the one who was over before the ad break? Or the one who didn't know what a clitoris is??

i had one that had a 15 second fumble and then asked me if i had cum.

when i said no, he got all cross, threw his hand up in the air and sighed ' well, that the hell do i need to do then'

obvs didnt see him again. Mind you, he then told me he didnt fancy me anyway.... and is also still on dating sites.

pipbin, ah, so while you say you know this lovely chap whos single, hes not actually interested in women at all. hmmm, kind of moot then huh.
Well he is such a nice chap that he would never pass comment on a lady. He's not expressed interest in men either though

but that makes no sense pipbin?

Hes so nice hes never faniced anyone? hes so nice hes never asked anyone out? hes so nice hes asexual?

There are many times where I feel ashamed at the behaviour of some men and reading these threads is one of them. I only wish that women could be nastier to such men so they went back into their hole or grew up.

I suspect though that 'being nasty' to them is actually what gets a lot of them off, they actually get a thrill from an outraged, angry response.

I've had men express certain (fairly vanilla and run of the mill) sexual preferences and follow it up with 'that's disgusting isn't it? Tell me how shocked you are'.

It is a sick, sad world!

They dont care if you are nasty to them though, because they arent interested in your or any relationship. They just move onto the next woman.

Or, if you do pull them up on it you are told they were just joking and you need to lighten up. Or worse they sling a load of abuse your way.

Or as velvet says...so you are stuck in a place where you cant even respond, because you know thats what they want.
So, you are just violated and have no comeback.

Yep. You can't win however you play it!

Alls I know is I am not falling for it again. If I want sex, I will find a hook up, if I want a baby I will go about it the same way I'm doing this one and if I want a relationship I've got my girls for company, social life, support and laughs. If I actually ever even contemplate a real relationship with an actual man again I will have to know them as a friend in real life for a long time before I allow anything to happen. I'm done trusting men. What I wouldn't mind though is a male penpal, maybe a deployed soldier to just talk to, you know, the other side of the world so there's nothing in it, just a male perspective and friend to talk to. I miss platonic male company. They all end up trying it on & I've lost so many good male friends that way.

The secret is I think not to give up. One person's prince is another's frog and so forth. Also a considerable lowering of standards is needed. This does not mean accepting abuse but maybe giving shorter men or baddies a try!

I am attractive, educated, own house etc BUT I also get anxious and depressed and am seeking therapy for a major trauma that happened 15 years ago and can't get over. Many men are no doubt turned off by this and I don't blame them. However, a nice enough guy might see past all this.

I guess the point is, either lower standards and stop chasing perfection or learn to be happy alone. I need to work on me before I get lucky in love.

I am guilty of also fancying men who are out of my league. I am going on a third date with a short, bald guy tomorrow who seems a lot nicer than my stunning but nasty, arrogant ex. Not sure I fancy him though!

Baldies not baddies!

I'm with ForalltheSaints on this one as it's bloody shameful. Do these dating agencies not care or anything? I'm surprised that there aren't standards for conduct.

Personally getting to know someone at work, gym, sports club etc. is the best way to go IMHO as you get to vet them over a longer period. I've never had a one night stand or met anyone in a club/pub as the thought just doesn't appeal.

Random

That's really sad to hear and fwiw I'm genuinely sorry . Dating is supposed to be fun. It's not supposed to kill off your faith in men.

Superstar since when did not chasing perfection equate to accepting pictures of someone's penis?

I wonder about people sometimes; have you not seen the posts here? These aren't women moaning because a bald man got in touch!