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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder where all the normal, single men are?

442 replies

Needsmorecake · 20/04/2014 08:46

because, sure as hell, they are not within a 50 mile radius of me.

This comes off the back of being let down again. I was meant to have a date tomorrow, now i do not.

Lovely man, 40, deputy head of an ' outstanding school' Not only did he send me the most 'penisey' photo, where even in jogging bottoms his cock felt the need to make its presence known, but, after some internet reasearch, i found he had two facebook accounts, one of which he is only friends with very young, very naked, eastern women.

I cancelled the date, clearly he is nuts. However, this seems to be the case more often than not, and its so very very tiring.

Ive been single for 5.5 years, i dont want to remarry, but id just like someone, it seems so impossible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Needsmorecake · 21/04/2014 08:16

Cat, where abouts are they?

OP posts:
superstarheartbreaker · 21/04/2014 08:24

Count me in cat!

CatThiefKeith · 21/04/2014 08:47

S1 and S2 are both in Essex, B and P are in Kent.Smile

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 21/04/2014 08:48

Im suffolk! Essex is a mere 20 mins away :)

OP posts:
CatThiefKeith · 21/04/2014 08:50

Cake, the border might be 20 mins away, but these two are near Lakeside. (They both drive though Smile)

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 21/04/2014 08:55

Bugger. Thats about 90 mins.

OP posts:
missymarmite · 21/04/2014 09:00

There's a big difference between lowering your standards and being realistic. If you have a long list of very set ideals for your perfect bloke , don't be surprised if you can't find him.

And , tbh, I do think a lot of people are too shallow. Yes, of course you have to be sexually attracted to someone, but ( maybe it's just me) some of the men I've loved most passionately and had the best sex with have been ugly as fuck! ( excuse the crudeness) their personality has turned me on, far more than a ripped six pack ever would.

IME, many (not all obv) attractive men are so up themselves they just aren't worth the bother.

2blackcats2 · 21/04/2014 09:01

Needsmore, I've nosed at your profile and if you are struggling there's no hope for the rest of us! Shock You're gorgeous!

This is a real shot in the dark but does anyone fancy swapping emails or anything .... would like to talk with all of you but somewhere a bit more private where we could share pics and the like?

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 21/04/2014 09:10

Maybe a closed fb group?

Id be up for that.

Im not anything other than normal. Told you, rather on the fat side.
and so bad that one date couldnt bear to even finish his drink and literally ran out on me.

OP posts:
2blackcats2 · 21/04/2014 09:15

Fb group sounds good :)

You don't look fat to me: I think you look great!

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 21/04/2014 09:17

Rest assured i am. Size 16..5'3.
Round
:)

OP posts:
Original poster
Needsmorecake · 21/04/2014 09:50

and in any case, men dont see it.
I was messaged by the neighbours ex on pof. I turned him down as abusive arses arent really my thing. he had a go at his ex blaming her for me not replying, he then got his daughter to try to take pictures of me to send to him ( shes 7). When he got told to stop by his ex, he said he wouldnt touch me with a barge pole as he has standards.
Nice

Another man round the neightbours found me on pof and messaged me, i did not respond as i knew he had a gf. He was told off about it and he too declared he was not desperate to try it on with me.

Not nice, worse when these are men that both live at home in their mid 40s. Uneducated, uncultured and totally the opposite of what id be interested in.

but still pretty hurtful to be spoken about in that manner.

OP posts:
Latara · 21/04/2014 09:51

I'd be up for a closed FB group, message me please if you set one up?

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 21/04/2014 09:58

right, ive set a group up, PM me with your fb details and ill add you if you want.

Its a secret group, so totally private.

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 21/04/2014 10:07

Well done cake. Good luck to you all. There are some decent guys out there - they are mostly the sort who avoid POF because they don't want to wave their willies.

CatThiefKeith · 21/04/2014 10:16

This group....

Do you mean add photos of the single men I know, and a little write up? Because all 4 of my ones would kill me!GrinGrinGrin

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 21/04/2014 10:20

Ha, no, you can do what you like, share your dating profiles maybe? share those profiles you are messaging, see what others think, just chat like we have on here?

Any single men pics and a write up would go down well... but its not a thing that has to happen.

Its a closed, secret group. Its not searchable, and not viewable to anyone that isnt in the group. You have to be added to the group to be in it. Its about as safe as it can get.

OP posts:
marchelinemadrid · 21/04/2014 10:33

I started another thread last Thursday the 'Piss Off' one about one bloke I met on POF.
Wow, he was horrible.
I've been browsing online this morning and despite texting me again yesterday telling me how much he loves me he's got a new profile up today!
I wish I could stamp a health warning on it so other women weren't taken in.

2blackcats2 · 21/04/2014 10:34

I think it would just mean we could talk openly about things that would otherwise identify us, e.g. our dating profiles :)

Andrewofgg · 21/04/2014 10:37

I'm 61. Most of my class at school (boys' grammar) are married, once only, and have stayed that way. (SFAIK two divorced and one widowed).

What the hell has gone on since my young days?

StandsOnGoldenSands · 21/04/2014 10:38

I'm another permanent singleton.
Have abandoned online dating since my last experience - tried lowering my standards and realised that all that happens is that you get the same old shit with a less attractive guy. And when his ultimate dickwaddage becomes clear, you then have even less self respect because you know you were settling in the first place.

No more! It's the single life for me I'm afraid.

And yes I agree that it is the pornification of our culture and society which has made men this way. It's so bloody depressing.

peggyundercrackers · 21/04/2014 10:38

I'm glad I'm not in the dating game now, I think I would stay single, all sounds too grim.

On the other side of the coin though I know a couple of men, who are a bit older than me so in their mid 50s, and they can't find a normal woman. They don't use internet sites but do use the local paper and the horror stories about woman they have met through the paper are the same as the ones here about men, they don't get to see pics of the person using the papers so I guess it's a little different than using a dating site.

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 21/04/2014 10:40

March - oh, wouldnt it be good if you could do that. id have a list of warnings for women about lots of men on there.

Sadly you cant, and they would just pop up again in some form or other i suspect.

i do feel it is something of a myth than men on dating sites are there for any actual dating. If you cut out all those that are married, in long term relationships, just messing about with their mates, just doing it for the thrills and have no intention of meeting, just wanting to send photos... then the % of men actually wanting a date is tiny. there are also of course, the fake profiles, of which there was a recent panorama about them, all dating sites employ people to do this for them, even the expensive paid sites.

Thats before you even work out if they are decent or you would get on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Needsmorecake · 21/04/2014 10:44

The deputy head with the two fb profiles is on pof now. Poor unsuspecting women will get suckered in, and now because hes deleted his dodgy fb account full of naked japanese teenagers, they wont have any warning that he is an utter dick.

makes me feel bad really.

OP posts:
marchelinemadrid · 21/04/2014 10:50

That's just how I feel Needs some poor woman is going to go out with MrPissOff and, like me they'll think he's alright to start with Sad