To wonder where all the normal, single men are?

[Needsmorecake]

because, sure as hell, they are not within a 50 mile radius of me.

This comes off the back of being let down again. I was meant to have a date tomorrow, now i do not.

Lovely man, 40, deputy head of an ' outstanding school' Not only did he send me the most 'penisey' photo, where even in jogging bottoms his cock felt the need to make its presence known, but, after some internet reasearch, i found he had two facebook accounts, one of which he is only friends with very young, very naked, eastern women.

I cancelled the date, clearly he is nuts. However, this seems to be the case more often than not, and its so very very tiring.

Ive been single for 5.5 years, i dont want to remarry, but id just like someone, it seems so impossible.

Salsa?

Sorry I have no experience of this but as a very naive person I am absolutely horrified by what these men are doing...and also rather taken aback that they think it might work. Do you think it has worked for them in the past?

And yes it must be incredibly demoralising to receive emails which effectively reduce a living, breathing, intelligent human being... to a pair of tits.

Million - I'm a 40-yr old man. I still have a full head of hair and all my own teeth. I also am the same waist size I was when I was 30. I am more confident than I was when I was 30. My last ex was 10 years older than me, not younger. But I've been single 4 years. Ah, I know what it is. I'm not more wealthy than I was when I was 30....

Initiating contact rarely works in my experience (and that of other posters). I know when I've tried it, most of the time I've never had any response at all - the tiny few that have responded peter out after a couple of messages. I've never had a date with anyone I've messaged first, even though I have probably sent nearly as many messages as I've received.

But clearly at 41 (despite, I'm told, looking much younger), I am over the hill, so may as well give up!

This thread has the potential to become a dating site :)

NotNew and VelvetSpoon - introduce yourselves perhaps??

Ah yes notnew, you might have worked it out there!

I can't believe that so many women have tales to tell of OD wierdos - I mean, I can quite believe that they do; It just amazes me that so many men are that wierd. You'd think that any male who was capable of maintaining a short conversation without getting their knob out would be practically guaranteed a date...

And yet... I'm a single man with my own hair and teeth, have some "baggage", in the shape of 2 DCs, but really am quite normal, and I envy those of you who've been on dates with wierdos. Because you've actually been on dates. The only times I've managed to get a response from OD is an occasional "Hi, lol".

Honestly, it won't be long before I just give up...

Ginocchio - I don't have the "baggage" of kids and I only went on 3 dates in my first year of OD and most other men I know have said the same. Yes, there has to be an initial attraction to a photo and like the sound of a profile, but I do sometimes think people of both genders can be too hung up on a photo. I know a guy who messaged someone on POF and got (at least) a "thanks but no thanks". Four weeks later he met that woman in a bar and she chatted him up.

NotNew At least I'm not alone! After a while you do start to look at profiles & think "there's no point in messaging, they'll only say no", and that gets you nowhere...

I agree with the posters that say take the initiative and message first.

This is my theory:
When a women is in her 20's, she has no need to message any man, because she will be flooded with messages from men in their 20s, 30s and 40s. Men in their 20's will mainly message women in their 20's, men in their 30's will also mainly message women in their 20's.
Men in their 40's will try to message women in their 20's, but also 30's.
They can do this because women will usually go for older men. As a man gets older, his OD worth increases as he gets social and monetary power.
As a women gets older, her OD worth decreases as looks fade, so the prime here is in the 20s.

So if you, as an older women, is waiting around for messages from men, then the only ones you'll get is from the super old, the desperate and the perverts who are just after a shag. These men will be messaging hundreds of people just to get a response.

Instead, if you message men that you fancy, then admittedly you might get ignored, but more importantly you will get men that might not necessarily have messaged you first. There is quite a good chance that the kind of man you message is normal, someone you would date, and someone who is looking for a proper relationship.

This is a theory, so don't flame me :)

Found this for you all plagued by cockshots and weirdos - this artist got her own back on them

www.buzzfeed.com/rachelzarrell/an-artist-found-an-amazing-way-to-get-back-at-creepy-men-on

This thread has been by turns amusing and then quite sad

I have lived OD vicariously through my cousin who is early 40s with two very young children and has had all manner of relationships with only one cock type story. Ok none of them have worked out but that's been nothing to do with the guys being weirdos etc.

I am now into my five years single and haven't been looking really and it sounds like it's just as well . I do everything online but I can't picture myself getting involved in looking for a partner online. When I buy online I like to carefully read through the reviews , how many stars it has, before making a selection. Clearly there's a requirement for an Amazon review style system to weed all these idiots out !

When I do decide I would like to be with someone again I just seem to have this innate view that I would find someone but that's probably very naive and based on the fact I haven't been on the look out for a man since my teens if then really.

Does anyone have experience of the sites that are more age targeted ? I would have thought those in the 40s and 50s bracket (which is where I would be) would be less likely to be fans of the cock shot wooing style.

kentishgirl - oh, that link is devine :)
Its made me laugh really hard, and yeah, shows that it happens to so many people, not just me or a few on this thread.

phallic- while i agree with your theory of who men message, messaging them makes no difference. Im not shy, ive always sent messages. I rarely to never get replies, and again, if you do, it doesnt mean they arent weird anyway, lots will take it that you are then interested and will start waving their cock about as they presume you want it as you were so forward... or, you do a bit of internet digging and find your ' nice, middle class, deputy head, has a fb full of naked, eastern, teenagers.

It's comforting I suppose to assume that if as a woman you send messages you'll get the nice ones who might not have initiated contact.

However that both assumes you'll get replies (I for one don't), that the ones too shy to message first aren't weird anyway (as Needs says, they probably are) or that there are any nice ones full stop (probably not).

In the interests of research, I put a profile back up yesterday (having previously abandoned OD as a bad lot). I have had a total of 4 messages, 2 crude (and therefore blocked/deleted), 2 just saying hi from men who are in no way suitable, and who I won't be replying to. Haven't seen any I would want to message.

Utter waste of time. And completely baffling to all my RL friends who can't see why I don't have men queuing up.

Kentish thanks for that link. What great revenge! Interesting the guys' reactions, they really didn't get it.

i was talking to people at work about it today. One gay man, whos 27 and one straight girl whos 25. Both have done online dating but cant stand it anymore for the reasons above.
Both are also stuck, cant meet anyone, have no clue where single people are.
its almost scary that a 25 year old cant find anyone, but, that how it is ou there now, its very very different.

OK. I am SO sick of men (and some women) saying that women are really after wealthy men. In my experience, and that of my many female friends it's simply bollocks. My DS's dad (41)complains about this "Oohh , women my age only want a guy with money. That's why my girlfriend is 26.."

No. Women my age want a man with a job. That's it. Really.

Just...a grown up who can pay his bills and maybe come on holiday with me once a year.
I HAVE dated men with money, in my twenties. I wasn't looking to, I just happened to know a lot of guys in the dot.com word, and they made out like bandits. I genuinely couldn't care less if a man is rich, or not. In fact, since these days' I am very much not rich myself, I would actually rather date a poorer guy.
What is attractive to me is a man who can shoulder his responsibilities, who has principles,interests, nice friends. I would rather date a nurse, for example, than a banker.

And as for "all men want a woman in their twenties", maybe they do, but men in their twenties message me online a lot, and, actually are usually politer and funnier, and more likely to laugh at my jokes than any 40 year old I meet.
But I don't want to date a 20 something guy, because, ultimately I just want someone more my age, who I have stuff in common with.

I can't stand this idea that women's worth is based only on their youth/looks, and men's on their wallet. It's insulting to both sexes.

It's a shame you can't put a filter on incoming messages to screen out any containing the words cock, tits, F... etc. Or including them if that is your bent.

20 somethings find it similar I agree - I know one girl of 28, single for 3 years, and one of 31 who's been single for nearly 5. Both have tried OD, have 'dated' but nothing that's ever got to the relationship stage, despite both of them wanting something long-term, children etc. They are utterly disillusioned with it and have given up...both work in large firms (one works with me, albeit in a different dept), have lots of interests, are always out and about, very pretty sz 10 girls, and meet no-one.

20 (or even 10) years ago, it's hard to imagine either of them being single for a few months, let alone years.

Sunday I've found some men seem to use this as a stick to beat women with 'oh, she's just after money'. My Ex said I was obsessed with money (I'm not). Like you, I only expect a man to have a job, and pay his way. I earn a lot, but I don't live extravagantly (mainly because I have a hige mortgage, 2 teens and get nothing from my Ex). I don't want to support someone financially, but I'm not expecting champagne and Michelin starred restaurants either!

Interesting post Sunday, but I still think women will go for money and men for looks where they can. I know (as a man) that the women I've attracted were different when I've had money to when I haven't.

My day is that I get up at 6.20, leave the house at 6.30 to go to the gym, then on to work, arriving around 8.30. I leave work at 5.30ish, getting me home by 6.30. In my office (large insurance company) most people, even the junior ones, work similar hours, have similar commutes. That's life in the London suburbs. I've worked far longer hours in other jobs, I certainly never had time to go to the gym before work previously!

Apologies, I thought you said you were working 12 hours a day, hence my comment. I didn't realise that included commuting etc. so fair play.

On the positive though, you seem to have a fair amount of time available.

i dont care for money, so long as they have a job. I never have done and never will. I will also chose love over money, that spark, over money, real feelings, over money.

It probably says something about the women you are dating avoiretre... if thats all they care for. But, since you have said on another thread how you pick women and you wouldnt touch one over 42 for reasons you wont say as you would get roasted, i think, maybe, you are one of them men lots of us try to avoid
:)

I don't know.

My previous partner left her husband, who earned 3x more than me. We got together after they split but she wasn't bothered about the difference in income......for about 12 months. I was happy to take on her two kids but guess the lack of finance was a problem so she had an affair with a richer man, while I was babysitting her kids. Nice!

I met my wife when I was flat broke from my previous and she's stuck with me through thick and thin. We were skint when we first had kids but she never batted an eyelid. Now were very comfortable and she's not changed a bit.

It really depends on who you meet and don't think there are any hard/fast rules.

I attend a boardgaming club. Lots of men of various ages, utter geeks, hardly any women.

It's very very hard even in your 20s. I have a good job in a big city lots if friends ( in relationships of course) but never meet anyone normal who isn't just after sex.

I use tinder a bit and I've had some luck and not quite do many crude messages. I'm actually going on a date the weekend but he's younger than me (22) so probably just wants a shag. Still I can't find any sign of that so far - in fact i asked on the date. So I guess it's ok but I keep thinking well he talked to me why didn't he ask me to meet ?