to think dh is a twat?

[thesortingtwat]

My Dad died suddenly, violently and intestate last year. Have been thrashing out probate with his wife since; a really trying and emotive situation. I am due to meet her next week to discuss and will need to be assertive as she's not willing to part with any of Dad's personal effects. Dh won't come as moral support as Liverpool are playing. Am I right I thinking he's a selfish twat?

Perhaps he feels uninterested in morally supporting someone through arguing over the personal effects of the dead. People have different attitudes to that sort of thing.

I know I am, I wouldn't interrupt running a tap for it, let alone miss a momentous sports event.

My DM wanted to take my DF's belonging to the local tip the morning after he died. Trog, does my objection to this count as "arguing over the personal effects of the dead"? Should DH not have supported my objection?

Troglodad my step grandfather threw all of my grandmothers belongings in a skip and my mother, her only child, and I, her only grand-daughter, could not say good bye or take a momento or anything. All the photos, all of her special little bits and bobs, the cushion she cuddled on the sofa every night and smelt of her, the manicure kit which is the only thing I wanted because it reminded me of her, her sweetie jar which was on her side table for 40 years... all in a skip. But that's OK yeah, the whole family was devestated, we don't even have any old photos we didn't take ourselves, but never mind, you're all just mercenary gold diggers and footie's on.

Random, even the OP doesn't claim to be as traumatised and shocked as you suggest, so that argument doesn't really work.

Random I am really sorry you feel like that but please remember your memories live in your heart, not a manicure kit, and no one can take those from you.

I'm sorry for your lose op.

Troglodad that's ridiculous. And rude. When someone is torn brutally from your life, you cling onto what is tangible. How that is morally reprehensible is beyond me.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP, this is a horrible situation and yes I would be furious with my DP if he put a football game over supporting me through this. I don't understand him and I am frankly amazed that so many posters here do. It's not very MN at all.
I hope you have a productive talk with your step-mum. Lets hope that she has been in shock too and she will be more open now to giving you a memento. If she doesn't, I suggest you try to let it go, for your health, and keep his memory alive through stories and memories. Best of Luck.

Sorry for your loss in such devastating circumstances Sorting .

Yes your H should be supporting you. He isn't even going to the match itself so could record it - many of us who watch football have had to do this at some point. He is making it clear where his priorities lie which is something for you both to consider

I would leave the children with him while you go to the meeting - this will give you the chance to have an uninterrupted conversation. Hope it's a cordial meeting.

He is being a twat not supporting you but to put it into perspective it's the biggest game they've played for years and I already have my mum ready to have the dc and I'm excited beyond belief
I left a family do to watch them play Norwich yesterday but I've been a fan forever and this season has been so exciting and unexpected.

This isn't a family 'do', ledkr, and to put it in 'perspective' as you say: this is the biggest thing that has happened to me ever and I'm devastated beyond belief. No smiley .

Sorry thesorting I really wasn't comparing the two, apologies if it came across that way.
I was just trying to convey how important the match is to fans which is clearly no match for what you are facing.
That said if it were anything nearly as serious I would of course be happy to miss it.
Sorry again.

I presume you are still at stalemate OP.

I think you're not a football follower then it's hard to understand the enormity of next weeks game. In all fairness we don't need to win as LFC are 5 points in frot BUT it would be a massive YES for Liverpool to win as that leaves them 8 points in front of Chelsea and the Premiership Title a stones through away plus 8 points in front leaves Chelsea and Man City with no chance of catching up!! So as regard to the second post on this thread 'let's Hope Liverpool DONT lose'

Wrt your Dh hmm can't there be a compromise? Kick off is 2pm can't you go early morning to get back in time? Or go after 4?

Sorry if these have been answered. I'm on my phone using 3G and it wouldn't load all the pages

Seriously this thread shows why I would never date a football fan.

Just go earlier so he doesn't miss the game?

How bloody hard is this going to be? How upset is OP going to be after? What is she to do? Sit upstairs and sob? But hey make sure she does it quietly so her selfish H can still hear the comnentry?

Or send him down the pub for cheers and beers when she stays at home alone?

I hope you get some keepsake OP.

I hate football. Justification for the most awful selfish behaviour.

I don't understand football

I do.understand grief.

Good luck with it all - and how you and dh move on from this

There is no perspective to put this into. One is a game of football; the other is a difficult meeting at which OP needs her DH's support.

MoaningLisa Nobody needs to win the bloody game. Both lots of supporters hope their team will. The sun will still rise in the East the next morning, win, lose or draw.

To be fair though, nobody needs to win anything at all but that doesn't stop millions of people supporting their teams and competitors at lots of different sporting events throughout the world.

Yes OP, your DH is a twat. I've been a huge Liverpool fan for the past 35 years and no way would I desert my DH if they needed me. Liverpool don't even need to win the game on Sunday after yesterday's result so no it isn't their most important game of the last 20 years. In fact yesterday's game was more important in some ways as it's never easy playing a team who are fighting to stay in the Premier League and all the financial implications (millions of pounds) that they stand to lose on relegation. Lots of hysteria and exaggeration on this thread about the importance of Sunday's game IMHO.

Sympathies OP and I hope it all goes well.

Andrewofgg
I never said they need to win I said
In all fairness they don't need to win. but it would be a massive positive if they did.
Sundays game is just as important as yesterday's game if not more.
Putting LFC 8 points in front guarantees the title win if we lose, and Chelsea win their next three games then liverpool won't win the title.
I hope OP and her Dh can come to some agreement.

"I hate football. Justification for the most awful selfish behaviour."

Exactly this. I have seen fathers sit in a pub for hours with small toddlers bored out of their brains while these dad's get pissed watching a match. If these men are so selfish and pathetic that they put a stupid game before their wives and children and families then they don't deserve to have wives, children and families.

I dated a football fan once. Never, ever again. It's a deal-breaker now.

OP I don't understand why anyone would put a football match over someone they love. No matter how important the match is.

random is right. And her comparisons are legitimate. Male-sanctioned interests are essential. Otherwise they are vaguely silly...

Op I am sorry for your awful situation. Even if the match really really matters (questionable in any real sense) loving partners give up things they care about to support each other in situations like yours.

Moaning Lisa Winning on Sunday does not guarantee us the title as things stand as Manchester City are still in a position where they can overtake us.