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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dh is a twat?

257 replies

thesortingtwat · 19/04/2014 23:22

My Dad died suddenly, violently and intestate last year. Have been thrashing out probate with his wife since; a really trying and emotive situation. I am due to meet her next week to discuss and will need to be assertive as she's not willing to part with any of Dad's personal effects. Dh won't come as moral support as Liverpool are playing. Am I right I thinking he's a selfish twat?

OP posts:
3DcAndMe · 19/04/2014 23:23

Yanbu at all

Let's home they bloody loose

CadleCrap · 19/04/2014 23:23

YANBU He is a twat.

CadleCrap · 19/04/2014 23:24

And sorry about your Dad. Sad

hiddenhome · 19/04/2014 23:25

Do you have a friend or other family member to support you?

Personally, I'd ditch the football freak. What else is he going to let you down over?

Only1scoop · 19/04/2014 23:25

That's awful sorry about your dad.

Sorry about your selfish unsupportive Dh Hmm

puntasticusername · 19/04/2014 23:27

Is this a (rather pathetic) excuse because he feels wildly out of his depth in such a demanding situation?

Otherwise, he's a twat Thanks

BOEUFster · 19/04/2014 23:28

Oh that sound so awful, I'm really sorry you are going through this. Can't you reschedule?

MincingOnBy · 19/04/2014 23:30

He is ridiculous - this is clearly more important than football! Does he ever actually offer you any support? He sounds useless.

Suefla62 · 19/04/2014 23:31

Can't he record the bloody football?

Pipbin · 19/04/2014 23:33

Sorry about your dad. Yes he's being a twat.

AwfulMaureen · 19/04/2014 23:33

Do you want him in the actual room with you when you meet the wife? If so, then I think that might appear heavy handed. Maybe he does'nt want to intimidate her? So sorry you lost your Dad in such awful circumstances. Flowers

MrsSteptoe · 19/04/2014 23:34

Any chance you could reschedule your meeting with your stepmother to the morning? Or are we talking about long distances here? Is your DH a season ticket holder at Anfield, or is he just keen to watch it on the television?

maras2 · 19/04/2014 23:40

He's a twat and a very unkind man. My DH, in fact all of the men that I know would not think twice about giving support to their partners.

RhondaJean · 19/04/2014 23:43

Is next week the Liverpool Chelsea game?

Can you meet at another time?

BitchPeas · 19/04/2014 23:43

What a selfish twat. Something like this would make me question the whole relationship.

Sorry you lost your dad. Thanks do you have a supportive friend/family member you could take?

Original poster
thesortingtwat · 19/04/2014 23:45

I can't reschedule as I've committed myself now, and we don't have any free weekends for ages. It will be an day affair, unfortunately. I'd just like some moral support really.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 19/04/2014 23:45

YANBU, he should choose you over the crappy football.

Agree with punta, he's using this to get out of a difficult situation, oh yes, because you can't wait to get there can you OP?

How strongly does he argue about his right to watch the footy when you talk about it to him?

AgentZigzag · 19/04/2014 23:46

Does he know how much you'd like him to go and why?

RhondaJean · 19/04/2014 23:50

It's not crappy football though, it's possibly the biggest game of the last 20 odd years for a Liverpool fan.

Obviously this is really important to you op and if it was me I would go with a proviso we found a pub for the match but it sounds like you are both at an impasse now over two things which really matter to you both.

MrsSteptoe · 19/04/2014 23:59

The football starts at 1400 and will be all over by 1600. Would you be able to find a way of letting him sit in the pub for those two hours?

AgentZigzag · 20/04/2014 00:00

It's still crappy Rhonda Grin

I suppose the situation with the OPs Dads wife has been going on for a while, so not urgent as such, but how can the OP not take it as a kick when she's already down?

He doesn't have to overact the part and be enthusiastic about missing the footy, but his wife needs him and he's going to let her down for it.

RhondaJean · 20/04/2014 00:02

Situations crappy, football isn't Grin

There must be a compromise for two hours so he can see it?

Jengnr · 20/04/2014 00:05

Under normal circumstances I would say yes but this is a really really big deal for Liverpool.

Is he going to the game or just watching it on the telly? If the latter it ought to be easy enough to work around?

SabrinaFairchild · 20/04/2014 00:11

Liverpool are in with their best chance of winning the league in over twenty years and it all hangs on the next couple of matches, so not an ordinary football situation. Yes there are more important things than football but... My husband is a Liverpool fan and has been waiting for this since he was a kid, it would be a massive wrench for him to not follow it as it happens - a lifetime's emotional investment.

If your husband is generally kind and supportive then I would say don't let this difficult person have even more of an impact on your life and those you love than she is already having, and try to find a compromise.

Awful situation for you though OP, hope it resolves soon. Flowers

MrsSteptoe · 20/04/2014 00:12

If it was half-way through the season, I'd be on the OP's side (for want of a better expression) even if it was a Man U game; or if Liverpool were clearly not going to hit top 4 this season. In other words, if it was a normal game of football with nothing more than 3 points at stake, I'd see her point. But because of the way this season's gone, this specific game is like an FA Cup final for Liverpool, and those two hours against Chelsea against Anfield are only going to happen at that specific time, IYSWIM: I honestly don't think it's unreasonable to hope that the OP can compromise a bit to find a way that her DH can watch the game for those two hours.