Moved in with parents, parents installing doors and locks and banning us from certain rooms

[seriouslyhadenough]

We (me, DH and two children - 3 & 2) moved in with parents three weeks ago (financial reasons mainly - either this or be homeless - long story - another thread maybe).

They have converted part of the house to give us bedrooms and living area with open plan kitchen space.

However since we moved in things are extremely fraught whereby we have been banned from certain areas of the house which would sort of be fine if it were just me and DH but with two young children it is proving exceptionally stressful.

For example they have put a lock on their kitchen door so we cant go out the back door into the garden. Instead we have to go out the front door, open a huge gate, all round the back of the house (big house), another gate and into the garden. Again fine if just us but getting two small children around there with all the bits and bobs they want is hard (and don't mention when DD needs a wee and having to drag them both all the way back round again).

They have a water table play thing which means we have to fill up a bucket in our sink, carry it down a flight of stairs through two baby gates, through the house, out into the porch, out the front door, shutting all doors behind us, through the big gate, around the back of the house, through another gate to the garden. It needs three refills... and there is a sink just inside the back door.

DF has said things like "I came down stairs this afternoon and found him (DH) sitting on our sofa" as if it were the crime of the century. DH was just trying to get w Wi-Fi connection as where we are on the house the signal isn't good. That's when the doors and bolts went up.

Trying to explain to two small children why they aren't allowed in certain parts of the house is hard (particularly when they were allowed in them before we moved in).

I am genuinely confused whether IABU? I am frankly in tears after the last debacle of complaints about a few grains of sand on the floor from DD playing in the sandpit :-( :-(

DH and I are arguing because I am trying to get him to obey their wishes and it is causing me a great deal of stress.

What kind of a husband was your DH before all this happened? You say he's a good father, but what about your relationship?

Obviously, after all that you are going through I can understand that things are extremely fraught now. But before this,before what he did (which happened before you met, IIRC) came out, how was your marriage? How did he get on with your parents?

I'm just wondering if your DF's resentment of your DH (which I totally understand, nobody wants to see their daughter go through the anguish you are going through) is because of the current situation, or if he already had reservations about him before all this.

What I really mean to say, I think, is this. Your parents are helping you; even though they very possibly detest your DH for what he has brought upon you, they are allowing him to live under their roof. They are doing it for your sake and for your DCs. They are giving you the chance to save your relationship, or a safe place if it breaks down.

Don't resent them because of a few doors. You all need your privacy.

Could your parents be concerned that your DH might use their wifi for illicit purposes and,should he do that, they might also be implicated? I can see why the locks would be going up in that instance. Is your DH generally a bit of a toff? Sometimes the pressure on them to appear more financially successful than the 'commoners' is too great and they do end up doing the sorts of things that they think at the time are awfully clever and which they don't perceive as a crime - just helping each other out to achieve those types of gains. They honestly don't think they will get caught out or if they do, it will be a slap on the wrists at best. It's actually less about conning others (although of course many do directly or indirectly), it's about conning themselves that they're cut from a different cloth. From his perspective, he probably didn't think he was deceiving you - just presenting what her perceived as the best version of himself. Incarceration could do wonders and he might come back a better man for it.

The kitchen thing is about the mud. My mum is the same when we visit ... Well, not to the pint of locking up the door to the back garden but in terms of being worried about the dirt. Our children are not allowed in their main bedroom and have to ask permission before going into the others.