Deciding to try for a baby whilst at Medical school… am I mental?

[NurseDoctor]

Hi everyone. I've seen a couple of similar posts but nothing very recent. First post here as i'm not actually qualified to be a "mums netter" yet (as not yet a mum!). I am a mature student studying medicine and living with my husband. We have been married for almost 4 years and have recently had a sit down/serious think about when will actually be an optimal time to have children. I am just finishing my first year and will have 4 months off for summer to work and build up our currently sad savings account. Due to the length of the course (5 years) and the 2 years of foundation training following this, followed by specialty selection and training, I can't see any "sensible" time for pregnancy and babies at all. In fact I can see it being put off until very late in life indeed. Unfortunately for me this isn't really a risk I want to take, as I have endometriosis, and, as my GP has kindly pointed out a number of times, the longer I delay the less chance i'll have of a natural conception. So here we are, one year into the course, seriously considering trying for a baby. Our thoughts at present are to possibly try between Sept-Dec this year for a Summer baby (during my holiday) but very aware that the chances of being lucky enough to achieve this are slim.
My question really is, are there any other mums out there who have had babies at university? Did you cope ok with the course? I am also very aware that, as the only married person on my course I will probably be of great interest to fellow students if I were pregnant, how did that make you feel? Sorry for the long post. Fortunately my husband is self employed and works from home, he is incredibly supportive. Pros with waiting seem to be mostly money and cons are time with the baby, chances of conception dwindling which would cause even greater stress.

And nothing wrong with being boastful about such a fantastic achievement. Not that I think you sounded boastful anyway... I didn't do nearly as well as you at med school and that was without a small baby (although probably significantly more drinking than you will have managed with a newborn :o)

ImSoOverIt Definitely don't apologise for it, shout from the rooftops! Very impressive! I only know one person who has done it and she said she found the less time she had to study the more proactive she was during that time. No more watching Keeping up with the kardashians and online shopping! I wasn't sure whether to believe her or think she's just crazy clever!

Everyone at medical school has been incredibly supportive. In fact I transferred medical schools between 2nd and 3rd year to be closer to family, and both medical schools have been extremely accommodating, although I haven't really needed any special allowances/extra help if I'm honest. But they have made it clear it is there if I need it.

It does frustrate me that we are always told we can't have it all, as men seem to be able to!

And for me, having a baby didn't change my priorities that much. Of course i love her to death, I have done all I can to make sure she is happy and well looked after - she is 3 now and very bright and well adjusted. What I mean is that I am still as career driven as before, maybe even more so as I want to build a better life for us as a family. I suspect that will also be the case for you as a mature student, you have worked hard to get where you are and I doubt you will suddenly want to jack it in if you have a baby.

I was 28 when I had dd btw. Interestingly my endometriosis wasn't diagnosed until after I had her. So with hindsight I was glad she came along when she did, as I don't know how easy it will be for me to conceive again if I decide to try for another. I'm 32 now and start f1 in August - no big rush to have another, but I am aware my clock is ticking! Also want to make sure I will get maternity pay for the next one.

It is good that you have your bank nursing as a back-up, as you won't get any student loans or maternity pay if you take a year out. Also if you have been working in the lead up to your pregnancy you will be entitled to maternity allowance, it is calculated based on your typical earnings so make sure you do as much bank work as possible before you have the baby.

I agree with your friend, having a baby means you have to become more disciplined and really make it count when you do get chance to study. In the first and second year I seemed to be constantly studying and still did fairly well, but when I went back I just had to accept I couldn't spend ridiculous amounts of time studying. I expected my marks to drop but that just wasn't the case. It helps that in your clinical years you just pick things up naturally from having more contact with patients.

There is no right time to have a baby... People will be shocked (a female, having a baby, in her prime fertile years!), and will ask repeatedly 'are you keeping it?' 'but, it can't have been planned?!'

If you want a child, go ahead. Life (and medicine) will fit around it. PM me if you need any help navigating mat leave- you will get your NHS bursary in the same year, even if you take mat leave, you know, so that should help.

Hi nurse doctor

I am a consultant in a medical specialty with one DC whom I had as a registrar. I would absolutely agree that the easiest times are either as a consultant or as a student. Although having a baby as a student will be difficult and you will need almost ft childcare, the hours that you " work" will actually be 8-5 ish, no night shifts or weekends or long 12 hour days which I think are especially hard with young children . Obviously you will have to do some studying in the evenings but this will still be the case when you are working full time and trying to study for postgrad exams ( which are in every specialty, including general practice). I know how hard it is for mums of very young children to be working as core trainees/ registrars and trying to pass their exams. I know of 2 ladies with similar backgrounds to yours who had babies during med school. They were very well supported by the uni and have since gone to become nhs consultants. So in summary I would say go for it now if you can manage financially and accept it will be hard graft for a few years!!

No cheese, can you get nhs bursary during a year out? I didn't claim anything.

Yes, it was 'clarified' a few years ago that it would be gender discrimination not to give it, I remember being surprised! www.nhsbsa.nhs.uk/1667.aspx

Probably better to start your family as a student, than in Foundation.

Hi,

Registered with Mumsnet just to reply to this! I am a doctor, and have two kids. To put a different spin on it, I had my first during the Foundation Programme, and my second within the first few months of my specialty training. I worked part time from after when I came back to work with my first, and was able to work at 50%. Not easy and means I have always had to be very on the ball and proactive to make sure that I organise my training around my childcare etc.

Have you considered a specialty yet? I know it shouldn't be the case but some are easier to train part time in then others. One of the downsides of waiting until after your degree and being part-time etc is that you end up being 'behind' and seeing people who were your junior progressing faster etc. It really doesn't bother me anymore but used to. I qualified in 2007 and and am only in ST2 (fourth year of training).

Please PM if you want more details :-)

It looks from that link that you have to already be receiving an nhs bursary to claim it when on leave. You don't get an nhs bursary at medical school til the 5th year, so medical students won't be entitled to it if taking time out.

Phew! Thought I'd missed a trick there!

You will need cast iron child care plans. I'm a student (not medicine so less demanding) but having children pushes me regularly over the edge into exhaustion. Although tbf most people are more capable than me. My first sentence still applies though.

Oh, and I am studying for postgrad exams currently. My DSs are 2 and 4. It is hard finding time to work (I currently work 3 full days a week) and study, but I am so much more disciplined and make better use of the time when I have it. Having a supportive DP is very important with this, and mine is :-)

No one has it all it's a myth.you want career and studies,something gives
Men certainly don't have it all,they are stereotypically expected to step up as earner
But then I don't think anyone should pursue the have it all myth.its unachievable

I had DD1 (now 2.5years) inbetween 4th and 5th year of med school. It was a very difficult decision to have her as I'd had some time out to have surgery for endometriosis, the result of which was my gynae consultant saying now or never.
It was the best thing I ever did. I went back when DD was 7 months and still waking hourly. We had no family nearby. DD went to a childminder, mostly paid for by NHS bursaries. It was difficult when DD was ill, but we juggled it. The med school (Nottingham) was very understanding and often let me make up placement hours in evenings and on weekends if I ever had to miss time.
I did well in finals and am now an LTFT FY1. I'm loving the work life balance that being an LTFT allows and, if my colleagues and appraisals are to be believed am doing well at work. I am now expecting my second child and will take a year's maternity leave between my two FY1 years. I'm 25, so in no rush to get to consultancy.
I think it's prooving easier for me, an LTFT FY1, coping with work and a young child than some of my friends starting families in reg years.
In summary: if it's what you want, go for it! Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it further, I promise I'll be brutally honest about my experience so far .

I get what you're saying Scottish mummy, but I don't agree that it is expecting too much to be able to complete a medical degree and also have a family.

I have managed to complete medical school quite successfully and raise a happy healthy child. Neither has had to suffer, so didn't feel the need to try and discourage the op from doing what will make her happy.

?hat I mean is,the have it all myth is exciting career,but always available to family
Career and family in equal uncompeting amounts isn't always attainable.something gives
There are compromises all parents make if in a ft career,IMO it's not possible to have it all

Certainly seniority and progression bring ability to negotiate and work a better fit.

I am currently a full time fy1 trainee, who had my dd at medical school in my penultimate year. I studied till a week before my due date, took a year off, then returne to finish the year. I even did an exam on my year off with no childcare. Dd was also poorly and hardly ever slept and I was a single mum too.

It was hard going. I was competing in exams with students who had no other commitments, whereas I had to look after dd. I managed to do pretty well though.

I chose to do fy1 full time as ltft training adds significant time onto the already long training. This has been hard going at times though as all my jobs have been banded too, so I am doing lots of evenings/weekends too. It is great experience though, and I think that on calls are a vital part of training.

In summary: its hard but doable, and no time is perfect, so if you seriously want a child then I would go for it. Feel free to PM me.

I think I will probably go by my own experiences and the accounts from other people on here who have actually been to medical school and had children during that time, who have actually managed fine.

It's achievable with planning,cast iron childcare,and support
It's not insurmountable,it just needs to be approached realistically
But op has extended family and dh on board,so that bodes well

I am a consultant. I had my 2 children when I was a specialist registrar and went back as a flexible trainee part time after both. That was not without its difficulties but it worked for me. You do see people more junior than you overtaking you but I wasn't too bothered by that.

One of the students in my year at medical school had a baby in 3rd or 4th year. She didn't take a year out but used her elective to catch up on blocks she'd missed. She was very bright and very motivated, won some prizes with finals. I think she had good family support. I don't think I'd have managed the way she did, but it's certainly possible.

Cast iron childcare will fall apart... and it's having the personal coping skills to deal with that. I went through a stage of thinking I needed cast iron childcare, then it fell apart.

Now, I make a childcare plan, but am aware that even if I haven't found someone to cover my night shift next week, it's a week away, and I'll sort something. I'm much more chilled these days. So, a) if you think your childcare is cast iron, it isn't, and there will be a time your kid ends up at work for half an hour at least, and b) don't fret that your childcare may not be 'cast iron', and finally c) you can always call in a favour, throw money at it, and you will get through.

I spent too long planning my 'cast iron' childcare, now I fudge it, and am more chilled, kids are adaptable, and I don't feel the world has ended when something I thought was 'cast iron' falls through, and I know it's eggshell really!

Well yes that's the bottom line in childcare,if you throw money at it.it resolves
I had my summer childcare booked in jan.If something goes tits up,yes we'd chuck cash at it too
It's the territory of both working,you need good reliable childcare

My dd had a childminder. I went on elective and after being in India for a couple of days, my childminder emailed me to say she was quitting, so I had no childcare for when I got back. By email I managed to enroll her in a pre-school and she loves it.

Live can throw these things at you but nothing is insurmountable.

No childcare can be cast iron anyway. Kids get ill, childminders get ill.

Yes,stuff happens.thats life.you just plan which parent responds when you get the call