In thinking that they made their choice so respect mine? Sensitive subject.

[Imjustexcited]

I'm 8 weeks pregnant with DC1 we are very excited and have been TTC for a while now.

My DB and his DF had an abortion early last year after a contraceptive failure and they both came to the decision together, we supported them through this decision and I was always there to be a shoulder to cry on.

Now I am PG I was round my DP's house and my DB is there a lot of the time. I was talking about my pregnancy explaining the different stages of development and just general excited conversation however as soon as DB was out of ear shot they turned around to me and said that I mustn't talk about my pregnancy around there because it has only been a year since the abortion. So now every time my DB is there (nearly everyday) I cannot mention my pregnancy as they don't want to upset DB.

I feel hurt, I know that it must have been a hard decision but surely a year later they should have come to terms with it by now and be happy with mine?

AIBU in thinking this?

I think the sensitivity and support should go both ways.

So the DB and his DF had an abortion last year after a contraceptive failure. Their choice.

OP has been TTC for 4 years. This is her pfb, she's understandably excited about it.

So her parents have told her not to discuss her pregnancy while her DB is around. As he's around most of the time, by the OP's posts, then when is she going to get a chance to discuss the pregnancy with her parents?

I think the OP needs an honest discussion with her DB, because they will have to deal with the presence of the baby sooner or later. Or will the OP be expected to hide the baby when her DB is around?

Some give and take on BOTH sides would not go amiss here.

OP says she has been trying to conceive for "a long time". OP, were you expected to put aside your pain of conception struggles and support db and sil during an abortion without them being sensitive to you??
I understand that they must still be in pain from the decision they had to make, and sensitivity may be necessary at times, but your brother should make efforts to find a way to be supportive of your pregnancy and share your joy.

Saying that as boring as I find it I'd no doubt humour my dd giving me a blow by blow account of the babies development just as I do now with what Louie from one direction has been up to or what shoes are 'in' now

Incredibly tactless tbh. Anyone who wants to know when a fetus develops fingernails can consult Wikipedia. It is simply not interesting for most people, and worse it is extremely tactless to someone who has had a termination.

Just because someone had an abortion it doesn't mean that it was easy. Or that they were 100% happy with their choice.

Speak to your DB and don't go into massive details. Or wait until you're asked.

Sharon her parents have told her that no-one is to mention any aspect of her pregnancy while her brother is there, which is pretty much always.

Thus her parents won't be asking her how she's getting on and she won't be able to tell them if she's feeling better/worn out/doesn't understand what the midwife meant by X etc.

I ^understand* that everyone's families are different but even in my not very demonstrative family my parents showed an interest in how I was and stuff, expressed sympathy when I told them about what a nightmare my commute was and little things like that.

In the OPs case it seems that she has the sort of family where usually these things would happen and she's upset that now they won't. I think that is reasonable personally.

Surely they can speak on the phone about it then?

OP, I get the impression that you are angry with your brother and his girlfriend over their termination, and this is colouring your response here. I can understand it must have been hard to hear that they got pregnant so effortlessly when you were struggling, and on top of that, decided not to keep it (something I am guessing you deeply disapprove of).

I think you have to decide here - is it most important to be right? Or to be kind?

If you love and care about your brother then surely you can talk to him and come to an understanding. This isn't a competition about who gets most attention and love from your mum and dad, or whether it's your 'right' to talk about the minutiae of your pregnancy (of course you should be able to do that, however boring it sounds to most people!). But just try to be kind, that's all. Maybe it was 'their' decision to terminate, but in real terms, it was your brother's girlfriend, not him, who gets the final say. So maybe he would have chosen a different outcome. Abortions aren't always straightforward (I've had two for various reasons), so maybe his girlfriend suffered during the procedure, maybe he saw something very upsetting, maybe they regretted their decision afterwards and feel raw about it. It's impossible to know how you're going to feel until it's all over. I was fine after my first abortion because I was confident in my reasons for doing it. The second one was for medical issues (baby was going to die) so that was far more upsetting. You won't know unless you talk to him.

I'm sure this issue won't be there for your whole pregnancy, just give it time and everyone will relax about it all. It's very early days. Hope everything goes well with your pregnancy.

Sharon yes that was something I suggested upthread although it is dependent on whether OP has a "chatting on the phone" relationship with her parents which she may not if they are always visiting each other.

Either way I think it is understandable that she is upset. Other don't. That's fine. What I don't think is fair on the OP is so many people telling her that her parents have asked her not to mention any aspect of her pregnancy as they don't want to hear it, which seems terribly mean spirited given that her parents have given her a reason which presumably isn't something they would lie about. I mean they can't be that pissed off about having to hear about her health that they'd lie about her brother being upset, that seems unrealistic.

I would mention to your parents that you are a little disappointed that they won't be able to share in your excitement about your pregnancy as much as you had hoped as it will be awkward to talk about it when you visit.

Either your parents aren't interested or your brothers feelings trump yours. In either case it is their loss, just find someone else to share your pregnancy details with and don't let it detract from your obvious excitement.

Well your db will be in for a shock when the baby arrives.

Maybe your db and his gf regret the decision now. I'd reign it in for now. I know it's exciting it being your first, but maybe share that information with friends instead.

My family are excited about my pregnancy and there are no complicating factors for anyone else. I think I've mentioned baby size twice in 20 weeks. DH and I look at development every week because it's interesting to us.

If I understand it correctly OP, your brother lives near your parents and is a frequent visitor with you living further away. Is there any way you could call/text your brother with "planning to see mum and dad on tuesday. Are you around? If you could come up at it after 7, it'd be lovely to see you"? Then turn up at 6:30 for twenty minutes of baby talk.

Can I suggest you talk to your DB how he is feeling? Maybe your DP are assuming how he is feeling..

If your brother is likely to be upset about it, then I'd try to be more sensitive to him.

Although it may have been a joint descision, any decent man will actually just be supportive of his partners descision when it comes to abortion, whether or not he's fully behind it.

I wouldn't be so sure in this case that an abortion is really what your brother wanted, but being male, didn't have much say either way. It's not as if he was in a position to make the choice entirely for himself, so I can understand why he would find it upsetting to hear about the developmental stages of a foetus.

If your brother were your sister who had chosen an abortion, I would say that she should put her own issues to one side because she did make a choice and it's up to her to live with it without it impacting negatively on other people experiences of pregnancy. But as your brother physically couldn't have had free choice over whether his baby was aborted or not, he deserves more sympathy.

And still people are saying the OP is boring for talking about her baby's development and should shut up because 'everybody' thinks its boring!

Have you no imagination to think that perhaps other people have a different view of things? Can you not see that not everybody finds it boring?

The OP mentioned it once and anyway, it isn't the issue is it? It is that she isn't allowed to mention the fact that she is pregnant to her closest family, at all. As far as we know she isn't allowed to say anything for the next 32 weeks because her mother just told her to shut up about it. Can you not see that is very hard on the OP regardless of whether you think it is so boring?

I think she is getting an unnecessarily hard time over this. How she feels doesn't matter much to some of you clearly but worse it doesn't matter much to her family. That must be really hard.

Imjustexcited - talk to your brother and sort things out with him rather than speculating what it all means. It will clear the air and make sure that your feelings aren't ignored and that your DB isn't unnecessarily hurt.

iamjustex I have read all your posts and this is just one of those difficult times when there are no right answers.

it must have been very tough for you to hear about their abortion after many years of TTC. it must now be hard for them and they may even be wondering if they did the right thing.

your parents are trying to juggle both situations. also maybe your parents are of a generation when pregnancy was not discussed in such details so might be using your DB as an excuse to shut you up. they may also be worried about your pregnancy.

can you visit them when your DB is at work?

"I'd no doubt humour my dd giving me a blow by blow account of the babies development..." exactly Sharon! I put up with all sorts of detailed descriptions about things I already know about from my children because I know they're excited and they want to share. I think some people are being very UR on this thread. Mentioning something excitedly for the first time is not the same as banging on about every detail for months on end.

differentnameforthis - This is NOT the thread to be trying to have a go at me over nothing. I am not preaching at anyone.

OP....How mindful of your feelings was your DB when telling someone who had been TTC for 4 years that his G/F was having an abortion. Quite frankly I would of kept my mouth shut.

You were supportive of him and I think you deserve that in return